Ladytmt Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I often feel like a failure and very worthless. I will be 35 this year never been married or even proposed to, no kids. Don't feel like these things will ever happen for me and it hurts me. Maybe i haven't properly healed from a past breakup where my ex cheated and left me and is now married. Every since he cheated and left i've always thought of myself as worthless. This person bought so much pain to my life. Im envious of other people who are married and have kids and often wonder if god is punishing me for something but i don't know what. Counseling hasn't seemed to help its always a temporary fix. Any advice? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Counseling is not a temporary fix...in fact, it is the only permanent fix. Your issues stem from low self esteem. Because someone cheated on you is not a reflection of you...it is a reflection on them and their lack of integrity. Until you stop seeing yourself as a victim and take back active vs. passive control of your life, you will not find happiness. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Counseling is not a temporary fix...in fact, it is the only permanent fix. Your issues stem from low self esteem. Because someone cheated on you is not a reflection of you...it is a reflection on them and their lack of integrity. Until you stop seeing yourself as a victim and take back active vs. passive control of your life, you will not find happiness. In regards to the cheating i get what u are saying but this person made it seem like it was all my fault and like it was ok because he didn't love me. He even went to my parents telling them this!! So every since i've just blamed myself Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Just because he said it doesn't make it true...it isn't your fault he cheated. Its his fault. And just because he didn't love you does not make you unworthy of love. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Just because he said it doesn't make it true...it isn't your fault he cheated. Its his fault. And just because he didn't love you does not make you unworthy of love. This part of your statement...Just because he said it doesn't make it true... I never thought of it in this way and u r right. I guess i felt it was true because he had my parents believing this... I can't believe they opened the door for him and listened to him.. We were not even together anymore so they had no right talking to him. Maybe because he said it was his way to get back at me after telling him off i don't know but i just feel really scarred. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 He can talk to anyone...including your parents. Still doesn't make it true. It is his fault. Not yours. So...as with all scars...it will fade in time. Doesn't mean you should keep staring at it. Link to comment
oneK Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Im envious of other people who are married and have kids... And there are countless people in difficult, torture-filled marriages and relationships who are envious of people like you - people with the freedom to make life choices uninhibited by commitments to family and children. This isn't to say that being married and having children isn't one of life's great experiences but I'm pretty sure if someone proposed to you and you accepted just to be married, within a few short years you'd be missing your singledom. We imagine that if we have a-b-c (partner, career, love), we will feel x-y-z (happy, inspired, fulfilled). But in reality it works the other way around. You have to have the feeling first and the experiences flow from that. So how do you have the feeling if what you think you need to have the feeling you don't yet have? You pretend. You fake it until you make it. Imagine what you would feel like if you were happy within yourself and just be that person. Everything you want and things you don't even know you want will magically come to be. Link to comment
BBBx3 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm not sure if its possible to truly fake being happy when you're very heart broken over something like this. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 You have a good point but it is hard to pretend being happy when deep down i'm not. I actually have heard someone say if she could do it again she wouldn't have gotten married she would've rather have just had a boyfriend that way they are not together all the time because it takes away her "me" time. I see her point but still i did want these things for myself and it just doesn't seem like they will happen for me. Link to comment
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