Too Busy for Her?

[EnolWolf]

I've been in my relationship for a month now. The thing is that my girl recently told me that I act like I don't care about her. I was so shocked to hear her say that! I'm talking about to the point where I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack at age 18!

 

It's mainly because I only see her about once a week. The only thing I can do to show her how much I care is to make time for her, but she doesn't understand that at all. Telling her that I care doesn't work. Its not enough for her. I care about her so much to be in this relationship for less than a month. I fear that she'll never see that.

 

It may be because I'm often busy. She got disappointed when I told her I wasn't taking any calls for 2 days.

 

I'm a dj, producer, remixer, and engineer. I'm working intensely on my music putting a demo together. There are over 30 tracks that I've produced and mixed. Now I'll be searching for singers.

 

Its hard to balance a career and relationship. I always find time for her even though its nonexistant. I want to be with her, but I want to be successful too.

 

I feel like things are going fine, but she's starting to think differently. Last night, we agreed that her feelings are getting too strong too soon. The idea of no contact came up, but she feels that would only make things worse.

 

What are your opinions?

 

Thanks for reading!

[Double J]

I think your argument is very legitimate. This seems to be a busy time in your life and she has to understand that. As long as you both can make time for each other at least once or twice a week, that should be good enough. I know what you mean about it being hard to balance work and a relationship, but as long as both parties make an effort to make it work, it will. When one person doesn't, that's when problems brew up.

[EnolWolf]

I couldn't agree with you more, Double J! Those are my thoughts exactly. I don't WANT her to see that. I NEED her to!

 

I see that you're from Miami. I'll be attending school there later next year.

 

Thanks again for posting!

[wendella]

what she wants is you to show her that she is important to you.

 

PERIOD

 

she wants to be the exeption the rule of your not taking any phone calls for two days

 

that is what people who love each other do

 

sacrafice for each other, but you seem a little too self involved to do that

 

unless you really do love her, and if you do then give of yourself

 

i know my SO does and he gets thanked over and over and over again for it

 

SALUTE!!

[EnolWolf]

I see your point and that is the main thing. I don't love her. I don't know if I ever will. I'm taking things one day at a time.

 

Thanks for posting Wendella!

[EnolWolf]

I needed to add that I feel I would be cheating myself to make big sacrifices for someone I don't love.

 

I can't fully devote myself to someone I don't love either.

 

Thanks for reading!

[ticklebug]

even if you just like each other...she does deserve to be treated a little differently than everyone else in your life...and if you can't make that consession, then you aren't in a position to be in a relationship.

 

Afer only dating a month, and on top of that the month has consisted of four actual physical days of seeing each other and the rest over the phone...there is a good chance that the two of you just aren't compatible.

 

She is more than likely the type of girl who needs closeness in a realtionship, and I'm talking physical presense. Her life isn't as hectic as yours so it is hard for her to relate...

 

I think you are better off ending it than arguing over it all, and come to the agreement that you two are better off as friends.

[EnolWolf]

She is actually even more busy than I am with school. She gets so stressed out and disappointed everyday (with school). She has stress balls in her neck and back because of that.

 

She's always told me that she's glad I'm always there to cheer her up and make her feel good. She's even told me that I make her feel things that she's never felt for anyone in her life.

 

She understands the difficulty of not seeing eachother often. (I don't have a car everyday.) There are also personal law related problems with the car also... Not gonna get into it

 

My last relationship has strengthened me for this one, but hers has done the opposite. She's admitted that it has made her insecure also.

 

As for compatibility, we are. Nothing ever goes wrong. Things just get difficult at times. I'm never gonna give up on her because I know we can make it work.

 

Thanks for posting Ticklebug!

[EnolWolf]

I would like for everyone following this post to refer to what Double J stated.

 

I thank all of you for your opinions, but I feel that JJ's sticks out most.

 

Thank you all for reading and posting!

[Mun]

What your girl is saying is that she misses you...she is just saying it in a demanding manner and it's turning you off--I imagine. If you care as much as you say then try to sneak in some quick phone calls to her during your day just to let her know she is still important to you. She will appreciate knowing that she still matters to you.

 

I don't get what you say about not loving her.. unless you mean that your emotions are not that deep yet ( ?) If you seriously do not have strong feelings for her and think you may never....then you are wasting her time... and possibly using work as an excuse NOT to have to be with her. Of course only you know that.

 

I confess I'm a bit confused here.

 

Love

[EnolWolf]

Hi, Muneca!

 

You were right when you guessed that my emotions aren't that deep yet. It's only been near a month.

 

I do have strong feelings for her. I think about her everyday! I call her everyday! I'm even producing and mixing a song dedicated to her even as we speak. I've written over 4 songs just for her. It's just that her feelings surpass mine.

 

Even though its only been a month. I've pictured getting married to her. I stopped myself from telling her that i MIGHT love her 2 days ago.

 

I want her in my life as more than a friend, Muneca. I pray with all my heart that she has the strength to continue this relationship. If not, I'm giving up on relationships until I'm a successful dj, remixer, producer, and engineer.

 

Thanks for posting, Muneca!

[EnolWolf]

We talk on every single opprtunity we get. Everyday we talk on the phone from 5am til the time she gets to school (45min.)

 

Every single night, we talk on the phone from 8pm til whenever. I'm about to call her in 15minutes!

 

I hope this clears any confusion.

 

Thanks for reading!

[Mun]

Talk to her and tell her to call me.. I'll set her straight. JK.

 

Try asking her to trust you. Tell her you think about her alot and you want to take things slow with her. Be sweet about it too. If she senses that you are serious about the relationship...then hopefully she will calm down a bit. I think she is just anxious that's all.

 

I understand how she feels though... for some reason it seems women know their feelings before a man has fully explored his. You're right it is very soon in the relationship to express love. Just keep going at a good pace and try to understand that she really cares for you too...she's just trying to control the pace of the relationship--we do that sometimes without meaning too. maybe because she is insecure as you say.

 

Just reassure her and hopefully things will calm down.

 

Good luck

[EnolWolf]

Also, I forgot to mention that her ex made her lose trust and faith in mankind (not exaggerating.) This is where her insecurities stem from.

 

Thanks for your advice, Muneca!

 

I will follow it through and hope that she calms down. I don't want to lose her over a reason that wouldn't be good enough.

 

Thanks again for posting!

[fallslikerain]

I agree with past posters, she's probably just unsure where she stands with you and wants to think she's important to you.

 

as for the once a week seeing each other, where does it say you have to see each other 30 times a day when you just first start dating? provided things go well you both have 70 years to get bored with each other.

[Double J]

Good luck to you, Tynetria. It's only been a month, so i'm sure over time you're going to fall more deeply into her. Like Muneca said, here and there, remind her that she should trust you and that you care about her. It's the thought that counts. Good luck with your work too.

[xmrth]

----I wrote this before reading other responces. I understand you do keep close contact after I read them, however, this is what I wrote to you anyway just in case you're still wanting some responces:

 

Considering that you two have only been together for a month is going to be really hard for her to fully understand why you don't have time to see her.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now, and I only see him about once a week for the past year, and before that, I still didn't see him much. I find it hard to understand why I don't hear from him sometimes when he's busy with work and whatnot. It's just hard for some girls to understand... and to accept it.

 

I think that the best thing you could do is really just take some time to go out of your way, like really go out of your way to see her and call her, just to set a bit of a "foundation" for her to see that you care. Then try to ease out of that and back into your career schedule and keep reminding her of how busy you are (not of how you can't see her because of it, but just about how busy you are) but keep very close contact still.

 

Being in a relationship will definitely suck up alot of time even in careers. But if you give this a try and consider other responces you get from this post should really help you out. Like I said, it's really to set a foundation for her to realize you care, but to also realize on her own, without you telling her, that you need time for your career. That's not to say you shouldn't tell her yourself, but it's like a way for her to realize it on her own which can be best.

 

But again, coming from a girl-- it's hard to understand. I "understand" my boyfriend and how he can't see me but it's hard to accpet is the problem.

 

In your case since your in a fairly new relationship, you're still setting the "first impression" of your relationship, you know what I mean?

But anyways, back to after I read other responces, I think your girl is just very needy.. and sometimes this may not be enough. Maybe over time she will grow out of it, but no one ever can know that for sure.

 

I hope I was of some help to you.

[EnolWolf]

I agree with you Fallslikerain. Its seems that when people hook up they usually look to some sort of standard rather than trying to actually BE in the relationship.

 

Thanks for posting!

[EnolWolf]

Thanks for the luck Double J. I really believe this can work and I hope that somewhere down the road my feelings grow more.

 

I'll do something to reassure her that I care everyday.

 

This morning, at 4am, I wished her luck at her drill team meet today!

 

Thanks for posting and good luck with anything you're doing!

[EnolWolf]

I agree with you about the "first impression."

 

She makes it seem like we should be picture perfect all ready. I would rather work towards having a good relationship than having one "right off the bat." I appreciate things 10x more when I put in effort for them.

 

I think she is needy also and hope that she grows out of it.

 

Thanks for posting, Xmrth!