Bigdave117 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 They all do - all my family, my friends, acquaintances, all say I'm very handsome, very nice, smart, interesting, caring, etc... yet I get absolutely no female attention whatsoever. I used to get signals and even outright approaches from a decent amount of women back when I was younger but the older I've gotten, the more isolated I get from the female gender. This is despite the fact that I've been in a state of obsessive self improvement since I was like 18 (I'm 25 now). I think I'm better now than I've ever been in every way Why is this? Are they all lying to me? Why would all the people in my life tell me I'm a good catch when there are seemingly no women who agree with that? Link to comment
duke nukem Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Are you making any advances? As I'm sure you know, men are usually the ones to make the approach. Clearly people see your worth, and you seem to as well, at least I hope you do. Always good to improve, but being obsessive about it can be counter productive. Just relax, go about your business and if anyone strikes your fancy, work up a conversation. Simple! Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Are you making any advances? As I'm sure you know, men are usually the ones to make the approach. Some, but they all usually fail The thing is that when I was younger, I used to see and experience women who would give me clear signs of interest to approach. I even had a few who approached me outright I guess I believed in the lie that if you build this great life for yourself, you will naturally find somebody in dating. It just has not worked out for me at all. The more I've climbed up that social ladder, the more and more isolated I seem to get from the female gender I have friends who have attractive girlfriends who have dead end jobs, look frumpy, have boring personalities, have terrible fashion sense and the absolute worst part of it all - they don't even appreciate what they have. I just don't get it Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I get the same thing. Everyone I know tells me the exact same things. Trouble is that women don't give me any attention, so it's natural for me to think everyone I know is just being nice and feeding me BS. Sadly, I have no idea how to know if a woman is interested in me. It would be nice if a woman would say something if she really is interested. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Do you come off as confident? That could be what your friends have, even if it's misplaced. Not that you should compare yourself to others, as it's a futile gesture. Also, maybe instead of trying to go straight to dating with women you meet you get to know each other more casually, as friends? It can work, I know it has for me, granted I'm a few years younger than you but the same general principles apply. Link to comment
Nightvision Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Bigdave117, after reading all your topics I see a similar pattern, your image of yourself is great but you might be missing something. What I notice is you give up easily, keep pushing the online dating thing. Try to change something in your appearance (I decided to grow my beard and things have went better since then, so I don't plan to shave in the next few years), try to analyze yourself with a more critical eye, don't always go "I'm a great catch, I'm fit, handsome, wealthy, women should approach me". You know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 This is despite the fact that I've been in a state of obsessive self improvement since I was like 18 (I'm 25 now). ^ I think this could well be part of the reason why things are not working for you. The obsessiveness can come accross as "hey, look at me, I'm so cool, awesome, macho, I'm such a catch" etc etc and people pick up on that very quickly and head in the opposite direction. It's very off-putting. It could all be subconscious and not intentional on your part, but is easily picked up by outsiders. I once knew a guy who also did the "obsessive self-improvement" thing and NO women was ever interested in him. He couldn't understand why. I could of course be way off base, but it's just a thought. Link to comment
patterned Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Well you've said you're isolating yourself. I doubt you don't mean isolated, but if you do then get yourself out of isolation. Go do something you enjoy that involves other people and stop the isolation. I think you just might be actually isolating yourself however in that you may benefit by not focusing so much on yourself, your catch-ability, and take (and express) a genuine interest in others. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 ^ I think this could well be part of the reason why things are not working for you. The obsessiveness can come accross as "hey, look at me, I'm so cool, awesome, macho, I'm such a catch" etc etc and people pick up on that very quickly and head in the opposite direction. It's very off-putting. It could all be subconscious and not intentional on your part, but is easily picked up by outsiders. I once knew a guy who also did the "obsessive self-improvement" thing and NO women was ever interested in him. He couldn't understand why. I could of course be way off base, but it's just a thought. My obsessiveness in terms of self improvement is kept in privacy alone You can ask my friends and they would tell you I'm a very laid back and fun guy to hang out with. I'm all about having a good time and i don't think I really have any ego at all. I got older friends who are multi millionaires who keep me grounded cause I realize how far away I am from their level of achievement so I stay very hungry and very grounded, like I said. My older friends are awesome guys and they are very respectful so I try to follow their path. I think I show the same level of respect towards my friends who are broke and the ones who have million dollar companies Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Bigdave117, after reading all your topics I see a similar pattern, your image of yourself is great but you might be missing something. What I notice is you give up easily, keep pushing the online dating thing. Try to change something in your appearance (I decided to grow my beard and things have went better since then, so I don't plan to shave in the next few years), try to analyze yourself with a more critical eye, don't always go "I'm a great catch, I'm fit, handsome, wealthy, women should approach me". You know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I can't do a beard. I have to be clean shaven at my job As far as my appearance goes, I am always trying to improve myself by being in better shape, having nicer clothes, having better skin, etc... so I'm not sure what more I can do in that regard without going into metrosexual category (which I have no interest in. I can still get ready in a reasonable time period - I don't want to be a metro) And this self image you're talking about is not really created by me. It's everybody in my life who showers me with this praise. I don't think I'm anything special or else I would have had some women interested in me at this point Link to comment
Nightvision Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 My obsessiveness in terms of self improvement is kept in privacy alone You can ask my friends and they would tell you I'm a very laid back and fun guy to hang out with. I'm all about having a good time and i don't think I really have any ego at all. I got older friends who are multi millionaires who keep me grounded cause I realize how far away I am from their level of achievement so I stay very hungry and very grounded, like I said. My older friends are awesome guys and they are very respectful so I try to follow their path. I think I show the same level of respect towards my friends who are broke and the ones who have million dollar companies My male friends always told me the same, and I never had trouble talking to them. But talking to my female friends was different. When I said change something in your appearance I did not mean improve but change. This constant improvement and obsession with being perfect could give an air of desperation even if it is in private. You may look "too good" and people might be put off by this. Imperfection is good. Try to change your hairstyle for instance. Link to comment
radiohead20 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Wow I can definitely relate to OP's post. Successful career, good conversational skills, not afraid to make a move, in shape, etc etc and people say it yet I get passed on men who have a lot less going for them than myself in those areas. What I learned, however, is that the reasons why people tell you are a good catch are typically not aligned with what attracts women. they are speaking in terms of "comfort factors" (good job, intelligent, fun to be around). these things unfortunately have little to do with attracting women. I would work on more relevant factors such as bettering your physical appearance and working on your flirtation skills. Those will get you a better shot at women than focusing on the fact that you have a good job or are a fun person to be around. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 My male friends always told me the same, and I never had trouble talking to them. But talking to my female friends was different. My female acquaintances say the same things. My best friend's sister calls me "perfect" (she is older and married and has no reason to lie I don't think. I have never asked for her help in dating or anything like that) When I said change something in your appearance I did not mean improve but change. This constant improvement and obsession with being perfect could give an air of desperation even if it is in private. You may look "too good" and people might be put off by this. Imperfection is good. Try to change your hairstyle for instance. My face looks the best with kind of a spikey messy look in the hair - I have dark hair so it does suit me well I think I don't think I look overly perfect...I can get ready to go somewhere in 15-20 minutes usually. I try to have a 5 o'clock shadow when I go out too. I've had lots of people who said I look great with facial hair so I enjoy the scruff whenever I can (I shave 5 times a week for work) Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Well, there's obviously something else going on and it's not something we would know as strangers on the internet. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I went through the same uncanny isolated feeling of being alone and feeling unappreciated. I felt like every woman saw through me like I was a ghost. What wind up happening to me is that I grew somewhat of a shell. I didn't realize it but I became bitter and untrusting. So when I did finally start talking to women I looked for things to dismiss them (the same way I felt) and would leave when challenges arose. I found every little thing women did wrong but seemed to have an excuse for the things that I did. Sometimes it's not always about finding the right person but becoming the right person. It was only recently that I matured from being this way and of course once I did that a whole new world opened up to me. The world I see now sees a plethora of beautiful women -- and I'm talking about women before that I wouldn't touch with a pole because I was so judgmental. Although I'm happily involved now but I probably would not be if I didn't take a step necessary to correct this bad behavior of myself. Your friends, your family and your loved ones will tell you that it's not you. It's them. But if it's you, you will know. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 This is a good post but I don't know if it really applies to me. I have no women in my life right now who are interested in me. I have some female friends and acquaintances who all like me quite a bit (some of them are very pretty too) but there's just nothing going on as far as dating goes Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 You make the same post over and over with no forward movement. What are you actually trying to accomplish other than to negate every suggestion? Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 You make the same post over and over with no forward movement. What are you actually trying to accomplish other than to negate every suggestion? I don't know what else I can do. I already try so hard to socialize and go out and do things every chance I get - I went to downtown Chicago on Saturday and hung out with a big group all night Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.