First Love?

[lennonpie]

Hey people. I'm feeling a little suffocated tonight. My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. It's been hard, up and down, lot of tears, sometimes feeling quite happy and normal. She was my first real relationship. We went out for a year and a half. It was a nice relationship, a lot of good memories. She was from Italy and I flew over to Milan quite a lot to see her. However, I never felt secure in the relationship. I'm quite an anxious person, and she's quite avoidant, so it wasn't a good match. I always sought security and she always sought independence. Around May this year I started withdrawing from the relationship emotionally. I was quite upset about it. I would look at pictures of her to try feel something but couldn't. At the time I didn't know why it happened, but looking back my anxiety just became too much. I couldn't handle her independence and needed someone that could give me more security.

 

I was wondering what my timeline might be for getting over her. I've moved from really really wanting her back, to accepting that she wasnt good for me. I think if she asked for reconciliation at this stage I would refuse. She's too avoidant for a relationship right now. So I feel like I'm making some progress, that said, I just read something that made me really upset. It said that you will never get over your first love. On that website there were people that had been broken up 30 years and still hadn't moved on from their first love. Right now that's a terrifying thought. I feel like I'm making progress, but right now Im equating the phrase 'you never get over your first love' with feeling how Im feeling now for the rest of my entire life. Its a suffocating thought. I don't feel so bad, but there's an undercurrent of sadness or numbness in me and I dont want to deal with that for the rest of my life!

 

Of course I know she'll always have a special place in my heart. She was my first real girlfriend. I had been strongly infatuated before, but this was my first real connection. I know I'll always look back on some memories with fondness, but at the same time I dont want her to be on my mind every day for the rest of my life. Things do get better right? I will fall in love again at some point? And not just 'cope' with my life, but really live it and love someone fully? I really need some reassurance that my life will get better and that I am capable of loving someone again. The people on that other website still sounded hung up about their first loves 30 years on and I cant handle 30 years of this! Its terrifying!!!

[emma34]

"you never get over your first love"

 

that's not quite accurate. you get over the love part, you just do't ever forget because it's special. don't worry...

 

Edit: Adding example...my first love and I now have nothing in common and lead very different lives. I have zero feelings for him and vice versa. We will always share that experience which is special but we are over it.

[lennonpie]

Okay well Im glad to hear that. Of course I'll never forget her, and in some ways Im glad of that. It was an incredible experience, but as long as I dont tear up every time I think of her then thats allright. Do you think about your first love every day or is it just a thought pops up here and there?