Ex boyfriend -letting go/time to move on ?

[Kalika19]

My ex and I broke up about about 4months ago, we ended mutual terms he said it was bad timing mainly so after a few weeks we started to talk again and have hung out a few times a month since, we continue to hook up occasionally. The problem is I should be moving on by now but instead i feel myself falling deeper for him. He told me last month how he thought by now he would of moved but has not been able to at all he said he's gone to bars/clubs and he said I'm always on his mind he hasn't hooked up with anyone else either. Nor have I, I think I would feel guilty if I did and I honestly don't want to at all. I just don't get what to do when we dated I was unhappy more than I was happy after we broke up he seemed to want to see me more than he did when we were exclusive my sister notice too she's like you two seem better without a label. Yesterday we we talked on the phone and I had, had a few drinks and he said how he wanted to kiss me I asked well why didnt you invite me to your party he said I thought it would be awkward. I asked what are we doing? Where is this going we should be moved on by now he said I like you alot but I don't want a serious relationship right now, and I don't know what I want I said well I don't know what I want either! I said we need to stop talking to eachother than and move on perhaps friends will works down the road? Who knows I just hope I am making the right decision if I kept going and waited for him to come around who knows how long I'd be waiting perhaps if he has no communication with me for awhile he will realize he does want to be with me? If he really liked me he would find the time to spend with me wouldn't he i think time is his main issue he never had the time for me when we dated his career is really important to him and it breaks my heart

[Romeo November]

You guys broke up for a reason. If you find yourself questioning it, take the time to talk about it. Talk about how you feel, what you want, what you like or don't like. If you find you can't handle who he is or you can't get what you want or be happy from the relationship, move on. If you don't, you will just be unhappy and waste time not finding the one for you.

[duke nukem]

If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would. He was before after all. All that you're achieving right now by continuing to hang out and--even worse--hook up, is more pain.

 

Never build your life or future around someone or the hopes for someone else. We need to live for ourselves, and people will be a part of our lives if they truly wish to be. So I think your best bet would be to just remove any contact from him indefinitely. Setting time limits most often only builds expectations in peoples' minds. NC is pretty much always the best decision, one I can attest to. And if he really wanted to be with you he would make the effort even if you don't speak to him, but right now he's just playing games and causing you further troubles.

[Mesemene]

Take a step back and look at this from the outside.

 

Are the things that contributed to the breakup still in play? Bad timing, career, etc?

 

Are YOU happy with being a pal and hookup buddy?

 

If not - there's a good chance he just isn't motivated to want what you do. Especially if he's very career driven, he may feel he doesn't have the time to invest in a proper relationship. And if you feel dissatisfied, as if there should be something more to this, it's only going to lead to eventual unhappiness.

 

I'd sit down and talk to him. And explain that the non-relationship you guys have fallen into is no more than a limbo, holding you both back from moving on without giving you or him a relationship. And to you, this is becoming painful. If he still feels he's not in a position to be relationship material - you're probably better stepping away from each other completely until you're no longer attached. There may come a day you can look on him as no more than a friend - but that day isn't today.