Help!! Really confused... reply fast!

[hatepr]

Hi there

i m gonna make this one really small so please reply after reading it.

see -- i have a gf living 400 kms away and its not possible for me to meet her every now and then ( once every 3 months ).. its too hard.. aneways.

the thing started off before we had any relationship, she had a good fd at her coaching last yr, who had a crush over her... i obv knowing the fact and a fd of her already told her this is the case ( till now no feelings fm my side ) ... then also she continues to talk to that person... it makes me feel annoyed i dont talk to her ( but didnt tell her the reason )for about 20 days and then we both started having these vibes for each other... bcoz of the 20 days we proposed each other that there was something we were missing by not talking etc.

after all this she didnt talked to her fd... now the next yr when i m shifted to some other place ( 400 km away ) i find that this boy is in her class and is again trying to impress her etc.. ( he is also in her tuitions ) ... now i obv annoyed by the fact as she only started the conversation with him, tell her that the talks i had stopped a year back were bcoz of this guy and that if she knew the intentions why she gave him lift etc... and also told her how annoyed i m and why to pay heed to such ppl when she knows the character etc... she somehow denies and then clears the topic etc nd i am convinced.

now after 4 months to that topic i find that the boy is her best fd... she knows his intentions... but still thinks its ok.. when i act a bit annoyed in front of her says that theres no need to be jealous as i shud know that she loves me.. etc etc.. but i m still confused and annoyed that how in the blue hell can this happen when she knows that brats intentions etc and knows the story of the last yr ( i had cut myself last yr several times , she knew this also that it was bcoz of this reason ) .

now pls reply, whatever u feel, think pls convey it to me now.. pls.

[Iceman26]

Well first off man, you shouldn't harm yourself over a chick. You can always go out and get another one.

 

I think you need to make her understand how much this bothers you. Ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed. The key to a relationship is to treat your significant other in the way you would want to be treated. So ask her how she would feel if you were best friends with a chick that wanted to be with you and see how she would feel about that.

 

I think its disrespectful to you that she hangs out with a guy that is only there to get with her.

 

Shes probably friends with him because she loves the attention.

[emma34]

This is just my personal opinion. I think you need to give your girlfriend a little more trust, and space to make her own decisions. By making too much out of it, it may push her towards this other guy. Although I don't think you should just sit back and watch this guy flirt with her, etc. But the thing is...it is her decision, because no matter what you say, or how much it hurts or annoys you, she is ultimately in control of the sitatuion. Let her know that it bugs you, and you shouldn't have a reason, that if she truly cared for you, she would be able to do this one thing (which is to stay away from him). But don't contine to do this over and over...do it once. If she fights it so much, and refuses to see what is relly going on with this guy, let her be. Likely, this guy really doesn't mean that much harm, and just likes her...but then again there is the chance that he is really trying to put the moves on her. In that case, it is again up to her what happens. Beware of this, because I find long-distance relationship often hault because of a replacement of affection. Basically - what i'm trying to say in all of this is to not let it bother you too much, let her know how you feel (nicely), and to understand that because you are so far apart, trust is the number one most important issue is your relationshipp... you need it, so give her that. Hope I helped somewhat.

[hatepr]

so how shud i do this.

i mean i had already told her once before, where she said that this kind of stuff shudnt enter my head as there cant b such things happening.

i even told her what wud b her reactions and feelings etc she were in my shoes but then she says that she wud b ok cuz she knows how much we love each other and no one can come between.

also she said that even if the guy ( her fd ) proposes, then the love between us wont lessen, obv she wud refuse... i trust her on this cuz we are only 16 ( in december start ) and she even stood against her family for me when she is scard of her family the most and scared that they wud come to know about the relationship we have ( her parents dont know ).

pls reply,.

[Iceman26]

Well I guess you will just have to trust her then, unless this is something you would rather not deal with. Maybe this guy is a good friend, or maybe she just loves being fawned over, im not sure.

[hatepr]

she says that she knows that i have this bit jealousy over this... cuz of the previous yr when she still talked to him etc... but says that the guy may have other intentions of being more than a fd but is good to her. helps her etc ( v guys know guys so we know these r the actions to impress ) but due to her innocence feels that this guy is good etc. u understand.

thats why she says that i may b knowing this guy by his intentions but she knows him by the way he treats her and helps her etc. what to do ?? or shud i do nothing..//

[Iceman26]

There isnt really much you can do, she already knows you dont like it and she is still friends with him anyways. You either have to accept this guy, or leave her.

 

Have you met him in person?

[marijo2480]

I think iceman could not have said it any better. She obviously likes male attention. You should be open with her and you should tell her how much it's bothering you. If she truly cares, she'll back away from this flirty fellow!

 

Marie

[marijo2480]

Just read the update. Looks like she's not budging. You either deal with it or move on.

 

I use to think that guys and girls could truly be friends until all the good guy friends that I had all ended up falling for me. Then I realized that I could not have true guy friends!

[hatepr]

last yr basically what had happened was that there were some guys senior to us who were chasing the girl etc . the fd of hers went and started off a fight with them... but the seniors were more tough with more men and obv. power... so i cudnt stand just seeing it as she ( the girl ) was my fd... so i stepped in and continued this fight ( the guy who started this flew ) and fought many a times hand to hand and with boys, eventually the fight was over as the seniors didnt knew that i had some very dang. ppl up my sleeves all the while.. but the fight is still on... now the guy seeing that the girl isnt talking to her anymore takes the side of the seniors... now it was all over but the guy shakes on my name.

 

( sorry for late reply )

[avman]

This is just a guess but you sound very young. Its very possible that your girlfriend just isn't ready for a real committment and is enjoying all the male attention. In that case, like the other posters said you'll either have to learn to accept it or you have to dump her. Those are really your only choices.

 

You can't make someone behave the way you want them to. You've already told her it bothers you but she continues to do it. So you are kind of stuck. I wish I had better news for you but thats the choices you are left with.

 

Good luck.

[hatepr]

Now, dont overreact but i will try to be very honest, that i know this guys intentions, u know it well too, u may see him just as a friend but he doesnt, so it really bothers me... this took into a great shape of her saying that i dont understand... i told her that its me who no one understands otherwise u wud have taken some steps or atleast cud have done something.

she said, -- the guy is her best friend and theres nothing of this sort fm his side as he behaves the same with everyone, and she knows him well cuz of the daily exchanges etc..

she said that there are my fds that she doesnt like but copes with, so i shud as well have to adjust cuz i may not like this guy but she likes him as a friend, and there may b ppl i dont like who r her fds, and there may b who are mine which she doesnt..

this was the explanation which she gave, ultimately when i asked her that did she felt bad ( as i had been rude btween all these talks saying that ok go to hell... etc ), she said that she didnt but is happy that atleast i told her what the thing was and said that a relationship shud b transparent and appreciated me being honest.

 

now what u guys think,... i have fallen even deeper for this gal. I love her very very much.

[hatepr]

sorry the above post is what was the conversation i had with her on the phone today (infact 30 mins before)... sorry for the inconvienience.

the first line goes -- Now.... (the above post)