Moving along in the healing process

[Trevorjames]

Hi everyone,

 

I posted on this forum during my break up, stuff about getting her back, or how it all went down. And I have been in NC for a week now, spent 2 weeks being emotional and dumb. getting close to a month separated. Since day 1 of the break up she has been putting her pain and hurt aside and seeking comfort in a long distance guy friend, I believe she is starting a rebound relationship with him, and he is the one that drove a wedge between us.

 

I have experienced my emotions fully and never denied them, I have spent a lot of time with friends and family and am beginning to be ready to explore dating again. I don't think about her as much now and feel as though I am stronger than I was. Heartbreak has changed me, and I have been reflective and found wisdom in my situation, and will be taking the lessons with me, as well as the memories.

 

So the two things I'd like to share, if you are hurting like I was, it does get better little by little, on day 1 i could barely eat, sleep, or function normally, but still I powered through the rest of school, passed my classes, and found sanity in my friends. It was a major up hill battle, and your ex cannot help you through it, so don't contact them.

 

Second, my Ex dumped her pain and need for affection into another man waiting in the wings immediately, I am sure that pain will catch up to her someday and she will truly feel it eventually, and maybe she will seek me out, but I am not holding my breath or waiting for that day. I just want you recognize this is a coping behavior and in no way devalues you or what you had, your former partner is simply choosing to avoid the pain of being alone, which in itself says you were a big part of their life and being gone affects them.

 

This break up taught me two big lessons

1: pain is good, it makes you grow, dont bury it or dump it somewhere else(especially on another guy/girl with feelings for you), otherwise it will keep coming back and ruin a potential good relationship.

2: a break up can force you to recognize all the things about you that need to be changed, and give you the strength to fix them. Don't sit idle, make strides and goals, personally I am fast tracking my education to finish sooner, and planning to change apartments and taking on a better job, as well as exercising and new clothes.(these things help, even more so when friends and family have your back. Talk to them!).

 

As long as you do this, and heal properly, you will be better and stronger than you were, and will have the good sense to be a better lover for the next person, and strong enough to wait for the right one. And above all else, if your ex does come back, healing properly and maturing appropriately allows you to make a well educated decision wether to try again without emotional attachment or not.

 

Stay strong people on this forum, it really does get better, I am proof of this and wanted to share.

 

I still miss her, and love her dearly. But I will let her go and explore her freedom, and give the love I gave her to me instead, and one day to a new person when I am ready.

 

-Trevor

[Kendahke]

well said.