Any other perfectionists out there?

[ayekasong]

I am a complete and total perfectionist. I am never satisfied with myself. Even if I tried my hardest, even if people tell me I did a great job, I never feel like I have. I am also finding myself very lonely lately, and I think there must be something wrong with me as I am having trouble making friends- this has never happened to me before I came to live abroad. I go out, I'm friendly, I try new things, but I never get invited to go out, and I don't get replies to my own invites. I know I shouldn't complain, as I have many friends at home, but for some reason it's affecting my percieved self-worth.

 

My question is this: How do I stop degrading myself like this? How do you take this pressure off yourself? I know it's not healthy, my mother always told me worrying like this will take years off of my life. I want to stop, really. Does anyone else out there know this feeling? How do you cope?

 

Thanks for reading.

[CarterJonas]

I am a complete and total perfectionist. I am never satisfied with myself. Even if I tried my hardest, even if people tell me I did a great job, I never feel like I have.

 

ayekasong , I could have written that part myself. I am always trying to better myself. I currently have a very senior job at where I work, I earn twice/ even three times the salary of my friends and yet I am always trying to better myself by finding an even better job!

 

I guess it has something to do with self worth, but perfectionism is something that either of us will achieve. For example when I get onto the next rung of the ladder I know I will be striving even higher! I have always been like this though and it was something that a few of my last girlfriends liked in me...ambition.

 

Sometimes though I guess we have to give ourselves a break and look back on our achievements. Or otherwise we will get burned out.

 

Hang in there with the friends, I assume you have moved to a new place to live. It will take time to make friends but keep your head up and keep trying, you will eventually succeed.

[Yorkrose23]

Why do you see being a perfectionist as a bad thing?

I see it as a strength that you are always striving for more.

Now as far as your social life goes, that can be tricky.

Since I don't know where you are "abroad", all I can say is this.

It may be a cultural thing. The way that people make friends there is probably different than what you're accustomed to.

Try to relax, try to have a get together with people you work with or ask if someone might suggest a good place to meet people.

Just be yourself, be confident, and do your best.

[Celadon]

When you seek happiness in being perfect, you set yourself up for discouragement. We humans are not perfect and we never will be. Yes, we can set our standards high and achieve a great many things, and that is terrific - but "everyday happiness" comes from liking yourself and appreciating who you are even on your worst days.

 

Check out this link on improving your self-esteem. Maybe you'll find an idea or two that will help you stop obsessing over perfection:

 

utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/selfesteem/selfest.html

 

About the friends thing, I agree with the poster who said maybe it's cultural. Maybe ask for some advice from a local person on how they make friends. Then you can adjust your approach. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you.

[xbox_modding_freak]

Definatly

 

Once i spent the whole day editing an image in photoshop just because it was one or 2 cm out..

 

I need help

 

-XmF

[ayekasong]

Hey everyone, thanks for your replies. This is such a trying time for me and I can't shut out that little voice in the back of my head that always tells me I'm not doing a good enough job. Argh, I can't wait until I get past this, it's driving me nuts. Thank you for your support.