Thought I was healed

[DarthVader]

It's been 6 months since being dumped. I haven't stuck to NC all that well, but my slip ups have been very minimal. We share friends, so it's been very hard for me, I've spent many weekends at home even when something was going on. They were her friends first, so I figure I should just stay away. I feel very trapped because my one group of friends never do anything because they are all married with kids. And I can't hang out with her friends, if she's there or not, it's not good for me emotionally. Last night, my sister convinced me to go out, and I knew she would be there. I thought I would be okay, thought it had been enough time. She was within 15 feet of me the whole night, but we never spoke. When she was leaving, she looked at me, I waved and she waved back. On the ride home, my sister told me my ex was seeing someone and that I need to let her go. It really blew me away to hear that, although I knew she would eventually find someone.

 

I feel like she never appreciated me, that I meant nothing. I feel like it was a mistake to get involved with her. One, because she was on the rebound, only a couple months out of a 6 year relationship. Two, because I would lose my hangout and social circle, which I did in a way. Several months ago, she told me "I can't give you what you want right now", so I gave her space and waited. Now I feel like a fool because she's giving that guy what he wants but not me. It was only a 2 month affair, I should be over this, but I'm not. I feel trapped, I'm stuck at home on weekends, not meeting anyone new, and as long as it stays this way, I'll never be over her completely. I guess the only person I can blame is myself. I ignored the red flags, thought if we were meant to be, then it would work out no matter what. Instead it blew up in my face, and gets added to the long line of bad relationships that make up my love life.

 

I spent a lot of time improving myself in every way, from home improvement to analyzing myself and behaviors. However, I've come to the conclusion that no matter how much I improve myself or situation, it won't change how she feels. It makes me a better person in the long run, but it doesn't help me get her back. I just have to accept that she doesn't miss me and find someone who does appreciate me, and a new social circle while I'm at it.

[Lambert]

Aww DV... It had to hurt hearing that on the way home.... It stinks to be the rebound. I know. I was my most recent Ex's rebound. I didn't know it but I feel like a fool just the same. So I can relate. For what it's worth, I think it's good you have been healing and spending time on your own. And I totally get it about not wanting to be with her friends and your friends all being busy with married life.

 

Ok so there's only one thing left to do-- start again. Whatever she is doing with this new guy is not your concern. Sure you think he is reaping all the benefits of her being healed but you don't know that. I truly believe that how a person is in one relationship, they are in all their relationships. It's not all hunky-dory. People don't really change. The situation changes and that's what you need to focus on-- changing your situation. Give up on her and that situation. Start making new connections whether its having drinks with a work friend or reconnecting with an old friend.

 

It's hard at first, but it gets easier and really, sometimes you just have to let a person live with the choices they make. It's okay to be hurting and not date anyone right now. Just focus on taking care of yourself like you would a friend that is hurting. I know I have been moping for awhile (couple weeks since the bu) sleeping too much and not eating enough but it's coming to an end soon.... I am starting to feel like my old self in some ways. I recognize now, I got played but In The long run, I will be better off.

 

Start taking stock in the good things you have in life. Appreciate them and be kind to yourself. Eat a brownie, take a walk, watch really bad tv. Then sign up for a meetup or something fun. It will get better.

[mbee]

It's okay to feel this pain. This just happened last night and we all have setbacks. Take the rest of the weekend to just feel hurt and to cope with those emotions.

 

I think you are making the right call about limiting time with her friends. Since the breakup I had to be more proactive and develop my own social circle. I strongly recommend after you get past these emotions to join a meetup group and try to make friends with common interests. It's quite easy to do once you really put yourself out there and say "yes" to some hangouts with folks. Having friends that have never met your ex or been around you when you are in a relationship are awesome. Reconnect with old friends and put more value on that. Just keep doing what you need to do to heal and ultimately create a life devoid of your ex.