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Uncommon case - girl w/ bf who may be attracted to me


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Sorry for the long post in advance and I am only going to put facts into the story - no person thoughts so as to not flaw the story in anyway...


First of all let me say some things and you guys can ridicule me all you want because I really don't care. I'm here for answers and will ignore any flaming/making fun of me b/c its not my style to care what other people think about me without knowing me.

I am a college freshman and never had a girlfriend in my life. I find myself as 'decent' looking but know for a fact, and I do not have selfesteem issues its just a sensible fact, that I am not exactly a top choice for girls. I am the most laid back, confident, and fearless person and a very intelligent/wise/vigilant person. But all these qualities used to disappear when around girls that I found attractive meaning not only pretty but something else about them makes them come out even more radiant. Until this year...


So there was this club-sponsored party at the building which hosts club events and other mass-people activities. There were about 200 ppl at this party. We all ate dinner and listened to a few speakers and then started dancing. There was a dance where everyone kind of went in a circle and this one really beautiful and good-dancing girl - let's call her Sally for simplicity - always stuck out each time a circle was completed. Anyway to cut this short the dancing went like this until we had normal dancing, which I thought I was garbage at, so I didn't really participate and kinda just tried to kill time. The party ended and a few of the guys and I went to a bar. We were chillin - I don't drink but they do and so we were at the counter. A few minutes later a hoard of the girls from the party came into the bar - Sally was there too. A few minutes passed and Sally came up to me - a first in all of my life. Sally drinks a good bit - a few drinks some soft some hard - but claims to have a high tolerance - she wasnt tipping over at any moment that night.


We talked and got to know each other a very tiny bit. Later that night, I sat dumbly at a table when she asked if every1 had a boy/girlfriend and i was the only one who didnt. The night went and everyone parted their ways. The next day she facebook'd me. I confirmed and got her screenname from it. The day after that she was online and I IMed her - we talked for about 15 minutes before she had to do some work.


The sunday afterwards there was a dinner to celebrate a girl's birthday. Lots of people were busy doing work so it ended up being only 8 people - it was me and 7 girls including Sally. Now I been in a situation to sit with tons of girls before so it wasn't anything new to me. Sally was looking prettier than before but I didn't register it as much as I should have because for some reason she was quiet. I teased all the girls equally so as to show no bias towards any particular one. All the girls had single margaritas so they drank but werent impaired. We ate dinner and kept talking. It was found that 2 other girls and I also had birthdays within the last two weeks so we had a 4-person-bday-cake-candle blowout and we followed with a traditional "feed your friend a spoon of the cake and make sure you get some on their nose". I made sure to not bias again equally smothered the 3 girls' noses - Sally made sure to smother mine whereas the others didnt put any effort.


3 weeks passed from that dinner and I talked to Sally maybe twice on AIM. The club that hosted the party before decided to host a semiformal on a Saturday. Sally popped up on Thurs/Fri/Sat night on AIM for some reason - she never popped up on AIM more than once every 5 days - and tried to make sure I was going. She was busy all 3 days with work but I tried to jump around my going to the semiformal...teased her a bit more than usual and tried to be very elusive. I never gave a straight answer but she knew i was going to come anyway. I show up to the semiformal in style - 1 hour late. Sally and her friends arrived only 10 minutes prior to my solo entrance. I met up with all the guys then with the girls - Sally seemed too well dressed to be only 'beautiful' - it also seemed a lot of the other guys noticed that too. There was dinner and I was starved so I jumped on that immediately and sat with two guys, a gf of one of the guys, and another friend who was a girl. Sally promptly sat at the empty seat right beside me. I made sure to entertain everyone including the slowly-but-to-surely-be intoxicated guys and the only friend-who-is-a-girl who was already wasted. We all ate dinner and while I stayed to chat Sally went to the bar to get a drink and hang out with her girl-friends. After 1 hr chatting it up I got up and started hanging out with Sally and her friends - after every one of them was getting hammered it was pretty much Sally and me.


The dancing started and Sally is an awesome dancer but she asked me to sit down with her. She had a drink in her hand and we kept talking, teasing each other, and making fun of some disgusting/stupid things people were doing on the dance floor - ie grinding and sandwhiching people without knowing them well. She went to the bathroom a lot and I downed quick cups of water to soothe my dry-from-talking-so-much throat. We went for two hours and occasionally other people would talk to us for a few seconds. Only twice did some guy come up to Sally and talk to her for about 5 to 10 minutes a piece - I naturally did not care since I am not one to get jealous or overpossessive. Eventually she wanted to dance. My heart sunk into my stomach but, for the first time in my life, shot straight back to my chest within a nanosecond. I said 'Let's go' in the most confident voice I ever spit out. We got to the floor and started dancing. It took me 5 minutes, like a car engine heating up, to start going all out. Never was I busting a move like this - my guy friends noticed and started yelling out my name and saying things like 'HE IS THE MAN!' and 'I KNEW HE HAD IT IN HIM!'. Eventually one of the guys who talked to her wanted to dance with her so I let her to let her have her fun and I danced with my boys and some other girls. With time she'd slowly move towards me, tap me on the shoulder and ask me to help her get the guy who is grinding her off of her. I made sure she got to dance with whoever wanted to dance with her because even though I was bustin a move I wasn't the Dancing God.


The night ended sooner or later and we were going to order a taxi. Sally and her girl-friends go to a girl's college in my university and so one guy, who was with two of those girls, wanted to get all 4 of them to their dorm and make sure they got to bed. He wasn't a sketchy character I could trust him - he was one of my semi-friends. He could be a jerk tho - I asked if I could get in and even tho I knew we'd all be able to fit he kept saying it'll be full. He called a taxi and got to the two drunkest girls in and immediately Sally said she, one girl, and I'd split off into a second taxi. I called a taxi and thus the 6 of us were in two taxis. The rest of my guy friends since they were board members of the club who sponsored this event had to clean up and discuss some things so stayed back. I wouldn't have minded going back alone it's just I really felt the urge to be with Sally on the ride back to campus. The ride was rather quiet and misplaced in that otherwise crazy night but me and Sally did exchange a few words. We got back to campus, I paid the taxi plus tip and Sally urged for me to take her money but that's something I could not do at all. In 2 minutes the other taxi finally got there - must have taken a longer/more congested route. We all went to the girl's dorm and dropped them to their rooms and my semifriend and I went back to our dorms.


Sun and Mon, the most unlikely days, Sally decided to go on AIM and was online for over 6 hrs on either day - highly unlikely of her. We kept talking and I did my teasing but being nice thing - I knew not to go overboard. We will probably be hanging out this weekend when everyone is going out and after this we won't be able to see each other until after winter break - the last 1/2 of January. In Monday's conversation she claimed she "liked me...enter key....as a friend" (it was on two separate lines for details) although she did mention her boyfriend at the semiformal and in Sunday's conversation. Only once each time tho. She also called me her 'going out buddy' for things like the bar and the restaurants etc.


I think I may be missing a few details but I need to know b/c its really bugging me. Does this girl like me 'as a friend' or is there something else going on? I could care less - she's pretty and I am attracted to her but I really do not feel I deserve her. I wouldn't mind having her as one of my best friends who is a girl, but I wouldn't mind actually being closer than that. It's never happened to me before so I don't know. However, the mystery does remain and it is really distracting me from my studies. If there's different possibilities, I need to know the details to each possibility. That is all and thank you for bearing with me and reading this long post (she was the one who corrected me its 'bear' and not 'bare'...sorry that was a sidethought).

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I think that this girl really only likes you as a friend. I don't know if she mentioned it or not, but is her relationship with her b/f a long distance one? I only ask becasue she may just like being friends with a guy because of the lack of male companionship she has from her b/f being somewhere else. She called you her "going out buddy" becasue she knows that she can fall back on you as a guy that will protect her. Such as with the dancing incident. She knew that she could ask you to dance with her so some other guys wouldn't try grinding with her and doing that kind of stuff, when all she wanted to do is have fun. I would be careful with this friendship though since things can get a bit complex later on. It's not unlikely for her to maybe develop feelings for you, but for the most part once a girl drops the "friend" bomb on you, theres no changing their mind.

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I can't believe I read all that, but I'm glad I did...interesting dilemma.


Try this: tell her she's beautiful and that there's nothing more that you would want than to be with her, but if the feelings aren't reciprocal, you still want to be friends. Make sure to emphasize your compliment in hopes of swaying her to your side 8)

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you are just a friend to her. The two of you do innocent flirting around like a lot of friends do. You are someone she feels she can trust, be herself, and have fun with when she out...


if a girl really likes you, there is no way in heck she is going to put the "as a friend" tag in any message she sends...that is pretty much common code for...no chance in hell, for either sex.

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I am also in this same purgatory though I am slated to move in another week and will find relief.


This girl is getting her romantic needs filled through her boyfriend. If her BF is long distance then he may not be filling her day-to-day fun and flirting needs. Currently you are only a friend and being used to fill the needs that her BF does not.


You are getting used my friend, though not in any malevolent way. She is using to fill a void in her life where she knows it or not. If you're comfortable filling this role and having a good time doing it - go for it! Otherwise it will drive you nuts if you continue to have more feelings for her than she does you.

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=S I doubt she meant she likes you.


I'm in an LDR too and when I go home I have my best friend to hang out with... when I'm down here half of my friends are guys and they're all really nice to me so I like hanging out with them... someone even joked around and said "Yeah, I can pose as your mini-boyfriend when he's not around!" and I'll reply with "Aw, how nice... should I huggle and kiss you now?"


... we're really all just friends though. Maybe sometimes people find it confusing that I'm blurring the line between friends and boyfriend, but I always let them know, "yes, I'm taken, and no, I'm not looking." So I always mention how much I miss my boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, my boyfriend's not coming home yet but he will, etc. but I still go out with all my guy friends.


If I were you I'd just not worry about it at all.

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The only problem with the possibility that she may be 'using' me to fulfill that 'void' in her life that could normally be filled by her boyfriend is that I never had a girlfriend before and never would know how to treat one. I never was given that much attention by a girl ever before and its kind of obvious since I don't really have much to say to girls, especially with other guys who try to "steal the show".


Anyway though yeah I think I got ahead of myself. I don't think its "my time" yet but I will still continue doing what I am now, and definitely exercise more than normal. Thanks for the advice everyone I really do appreciate it and wish you all a happy holiday.

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