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Ex left her ex for me(I'm also an ex) and left me for another ex


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I'm really tempted to reach out to her. Can someone please give me the pros and cons to this? I have my own doubts...but I really want to. This situation sucks since I have had a bit if a cancer scare, I've had a ct scan and am going in for an ultra sound next week. She knows of the issue a little because this was going on while we were together.

I'm not trying to use this as a way for her to pitty me and as a way for conversation. But I feel like I should tell her what is going on.

Support me or stop me?

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Yes, lesson learned. But when does she get to learn hers?!


Unfortunately I think you are really living the consequences of your actions. Instead of worrying about her life why don't you get right with your own and acknowledge and accept the pain you caused the other guy.


Comes back to bite ya.

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You think you want to contact her because you're in pain right now. You're in pain right now in part because of your own actions; she left someone else for you, and now she's left you for someone else. I'm not religious at all, but I do believe that everything we do -- right or wrong -- comes back to us in some way. It's not "karma," a term people always use incorrectly, but some sort of law of the universe that I don't have a name for. Kind of like one of Newton's Laws of Physics: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. She's a cheater -- you know this and you got involved with her anyway -- so her leaving you is really quite predictable, right?


If you're thinking of contacting her, consider this analogy: You burn your hand on a hot stove. What do you do? If you're thinking clearly, you go to a doctor, or at the very least, you tend to your burn by running it under cold water, putting a bandage on it, etc. The LAST thing you're going to do is say, "Hmmmm...well, since it was the stove that burned me, maybe if I stick my hand back on the stove again, it'll heal my burn!" That's totally illogical, right? That's what'll happen if you contact her. She can't heal you or make you feel better. She'll only make it worse. Just something to consider.

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Just got word from a mutual friend.....she is having an amazing time, she has felt lost for a long time and everyone needs a fresh new start and this was hers......she told me she wanted to move with me for the fresh new start. ?! My head is spinning my heart hurts, and this f'ing b^tch is having a great time after burning me?!

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Well maybe I didn't care because she and I had a 2 1/2 year relationship and she and him dated for maybe 2 months...and I knew what I was getting into. And I even told myself that the same s^it might happen to me. But I believed everything she said because I'm a sucker for her and I got burned. Now aside from that, she has always gotten her way with everything. Is she ever going to get a kick in the face like I have or is she just going to be happily ever after with this guy she just moved in with?

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How am I not the victim?


You're only a victim if you believe you are a victim.


Look -- you got involved with a girl who left another guy for you. It doesn't matter whether it's 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years -- she was involved with someone else, and she left him for you. It stood to reason that she'd do the same thing to you. That's who she is. You believed her, and you were perhaps naive to do so. This doesn't make you a victim, though. You made a choice: To believe a woman who had done this to someone else wouldn't do it to you. She is, of course, not blameless. She's clearly got issues, and she inflicts her issues on others and makes relationship decisions that cause other people pain. Will she ever get burned like she has burned you and other guys? Probably -- at some point. That isn't your problem, though. Your focus should be on YOU and what you learned from all of this. I agree with Ms. Darcy that this is a chance for you to take responsibility for your choices and say "Well, I screwed up getting involved with her. I got burned. Now, I know better, and I won't let it happen again. And, I won't treat anyone else the way I was treated, either."


It's hard to see through all the layers of crap you're feeling right now, but...she did you a huge favor. Now, you have to do yourself a huge favor and move forward without her.


Not that it matters, but she's probably not all that happy. I say this because people who behave as she does generally aren't -- they're lonely, desperate, and they don't like themselves all that much. Again, she did you a favor. Try to start seeing it that way.

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I'm back to no sleeping. Seriously I have been drinking every night so I can pass out. None of my friends want to talk to me because they all thought this was a bad idea in the first place....


Well, they were right, BUT...no matter how many times they told you that, you wouldn't have listened. I know how that feels. My friends told me my ex was bad for me, and I didn't want to listen. They were right, but I let him back into my life anyway. Lesson learned the hard way.


You've got to step away from the alcohol. All it does is make things worse -- much worse.


This is all part of life -- making choices that end up causing us pain and learning from those choices. People being dishonest, or cavalier with our feelings, or disloyal -- it's all part of a process of learning. Sometimes, we trust the wrong people, and we get hurt. Right now, it feels bad, but at some point, you'll be looking back and saying, "That sucked, but I learned a TON from that experience."

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Why. When you have been so good to someone that they just drop you. Despise you. Won't talk to you? I don't get it. I told her in the beginning that I can't go through all of this again and here I am. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I wasn't even this bad off last time because I wanted to fight, and I did for a year and I get her back only to lose her again. She has made me feel like this is all my fault. She got mad that our friends knew about it. I didn't say anything....that guy put pics of them up in Facebook and everyone else knew before I did.

I have been f^%ked over in my life so many times that I just can't take it anymore....

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I am trying. I just love her so much, and I chased her for months and finally got her back only to be left again....

Her actions are clear here, u wanted her she didnt want you or she would have never left. U need to regain some dignity and move on. You may need some counseling based on your posts, im sorry bro but she is not around and even if she comes back im not sure i would want a girl like this

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She is the first girl I ever loved. I never dropped the ball once....I really wanted it to work this time. I blame myself for letting her back in but I blame her for just giving up and rubbing this a hole in my face. I will be fine. I appreciate all of the words and advice from others on my story. Honestly, it hurts so much because I so deeply care about her and she knows it, but it's like she's afraid to be serious with me for whatever reason. I have faced my demons before and have pushed through, her on the other hand, puts all the blame in others, it's sad, but one day, maybe she will wake up and realize what she has burned. On another note. I don't see her and this guy working out long term. Will I be there when or if there is a problem, who knows. All I know is that I'm going to continue being the person I am because that's who I am. I don't see myself needing any drastic change. I'm in shape, I have a great job that I'm about to move for, and honestly, I'm f'ing awesome. I can say that I did all I could to be open and honest with her. If she wants to live her life and be comfortable with a guy or guys that treat her like s%it, well too bad for her.

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People who blame others are narcissist, some women like the bad boys and they don't like the nice guy(get bored). Its her loss, focus on the good things in your life like work etc. I know all about the drinking and being in the exact same spot where you are now. I was too nice to a girl who liked getting abused by the bad boys. Everybody plays the fool one time or another, its OK, just dont settle for someone who doesnt treat you the way you deserve to be treated

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  • 2 weeks later...

You can blame who you want, but past actions are a great view into future actions. I'm 32, she's 24. She had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with her high school sweetheart about 6 months before her and I got together last September. We lasted 2 months, then she decided she would go back to him, and we split. We stayed in contact after that point and this past June, she breaks up with him over her wanting to meet me for lunch... about 7 hours after their break up, we go out and have drinks, had sex and started dating... for almost 6 months... during which time we ran into her ex, they start talking again, she becomes unhappy with me, then ditches me again... am I sad and hurt? Yes. Did I love her? Maybe, might have been the relationship and not the girl... did I see it coming from the beginning? Yes, and I chose to ignore it out of 'fear of being alone'.


You reap what you sow my friend. Be happy its over, walk away with your dignity. I didn't beg, I didn't cry, I said ok, gave her her stuff back with a nice card saying 'thanks and wish you the best' and that was that... Will she be back sometime in the future? Highly likely... will I take her back? Thats for time to decide.

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