Broke up 4 months ago and feel worse than ever, hate myself

[maynards_razorblade69]

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half four months ago and it was a traumatic break up for me. I broke it off, he was very upset and we both cried at the time.

After that I thought I was getting over him but I wasnt, I was only prolonging the pain. During that four months he had been begging me to go back out with him but I refused, because I didn't want that emotional pain again, as our relationship had never been a good one.

Anyway, when I finally pulled myself out of the "pretend it never happened" mode, I realised I wanted him so much I was prepared to do anything to get him.

I told him I still loved him, still wanted him, still needed him, and asked if we could get back together. He said, "I don't know," and those three words broke my heart again. Later that day he proceeded to tell me that he was sorry he had ever met me because he caused me so much pain in our relationship, and that he didn't ever want a girlfriend again because he doesn't want to hurt her like he hurt me. He has kept his distance from me, been very cool towards me and basically acted like we never even knew each other. I'm confused at his behaviour and hurt by it, because I stated when we broke up that I wanted to be friends with him. He has also been talking to my friends about me, saying that I'm really hypocritical, which I suppose I was in a way, because I refused to get back with him and then when I stupidly decided I want him back I think I can just storm in there and grab him. Or something like that.

Anyway, I was upset, I ripped up all his letters and burnt them in the fire, I deleted all his emails and burnt all his photos. Now I just feel worse. When I see him tomorrow I am determined to treat him as cooly as he is treating me, to avoid him as much as possible and act as if nothing happened, just like he is acting. But at the moment my heart is breaking inside, and I want to pick up the phone and talk to him but my friends say I mustn't as that will make it worse. They say I deserve so much better than him, that he doesn't know what he's missing and soon I will find someone much better. So I have very supportive friends, even if they are friends with him themselves.

Anyway, sorry for the burbling, any replied extremely appreciated!

Lottie

xxx

[CarterJonas]

HI,

 

In your post you say that your relationship wasn't a good one, was this your first relationship?

 

If it was your first relationship it might explain why it is difficult to get over him. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time and eventually you will get over him.

[Finch]

I am going through exactly the same thing you are. Word for word basically, with a few additional complications. When I broke up with my ex I was completely fine. I had plenty of girls to distract me from my sour relationship with my ex. The relationship was a very passionately emotional one. It was very hard to let go, but I didn't care because I had other girls to take my attention away from her.

During the summer she pleaded with me day after day to get back together with her. I still loved her, I liked hanging out with her, but I didn't want to get back together with her. I was enjoying being with other women and I liked that I could do whatever I wanted. And deep down inside I didn't want to expose myself to the grief that she had caused me during our relationship.

After the summer started to conclude I began to have feelings for her again when my hook ups began to run dry. She had moved on to another guy and it was difficult to bare with. Fast forward a few months later and I am crushed right now. I have been begging her to listen to my reasoning about why we should get back together, but she's sub burn like I am, and doesn't want to do that at the moment. She's moving on with this other guy, but she still hooks up with me. Or used to anyway.. before she had sex with me and then right afterwords told me that she also started having sex with her ex.

 

Now you may be wondering why I am sharing this all with you and it's for this simple reason; friendship with an ex can NEVER work as long as you have any remote romantic feelings for him. Right now he's probably hurting inside just like you are, but he doesn't want to show it so he plays it off like everything is okay. That's what I have started doing. My greatest goal is to finally ignore her enough that she'll really understand what she's missing out on, but I think it's too late for that right now.

 

My best piece of advice to you is to move on. You don't have to rule out that you two will get together, no don't do that. Just move on to other guys and experience them. This will cause your ex to become slightly jealous and you'll have the ability to experience other men and decide really what it is that you want. This is the time of self improvement. Fix things that you don't like about yourself. Go to the gym, go to parties, do whatever you can to get your mind off your ex because the more you think about it; the more depressed you are likely to become.

 

This is a very difficult time and you have to do whatever it takes to keep progressing. I wouldn't necessarily end contact with him, but keep it limited and brief and without any discussion of relationship issues. I hope I helped. If you ever need to talk please feel free to private message me anytime because I know what you're going through and it helps to have someone to listen and understand.