Jump to content

At a loss


CF-35

Recommended Posts

Well I'm coming up on 3 months since the breakup now and I'm starting to realize some things, most importantly that I'm not doing NC entirely for the right reasons. I had convinced myself that I was simply doing it to move on but I can see that this isn'T the case, yesterday I found out from a friend that my ex is actually seeing the guy that she had coffee with a month ago. I guess the silver lining is that I really don't feel inadequate towards the guy, my (girl)friend is actually friends with him and dated him for a while and apparently he's a real idiot, she told me stuff about him that really made me wonder what the hell she was doing seeing him. I can't say I'm not bothered though, she hasn't said a word since I last reached out to her, complete and total disregard for my existence, she didn'T even reply to my mother with whom she was close (she texted her without my consent). I find this extremely odd because I remember when we started dating her other ex's sister would talk to her on FB and she replied and he cheated on her! What's making this even harder is that she took the dog that I had bought for us despite our verbal agreement and she's become best friend's with my friend's girlfriend which has put a strain on our friendship. I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm thinking of lashing out seriously... I know this isn't the right course of action but I got the short end of the stick from A to Z and this just isn't fair. I figured that bowing out gracefully from her life would make her realize what she was losing but it hasn'T happened yet and it's ridiculous to wait for it to happen. Part of me wants to confront her about the dog part of me wants to ask her if she's seriously replacing me with such a loser and part of me wants to flip out on my friends for being such crappy friends. But there's also a part of me that wants to keep going like this, a little voice that keeps saying just take it man you'll see you know how well you treated her she'll realize just how much of a downgrade she just took. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't even fathom taking her back anyway i'm just way too angry... I know no one is going to come up with a miracle solution but I just needed to talk and try to get some insight. Thanks for listening.

Link to comment

There's nothing to be gained from confrontation. She's not going to change her behavior because you don't like it -- she'll just dismiss you as being an idiot (you aren't an idiot, that's just what she'll think) and you'll feel worse. NC is for moving forward first and foremost. She has another guy (doesn't matter if you approve of him, he's there) so there's really nothing to wait on. Just keep charging forward and if she contacts you, then deal with it at that time.

Link to comment

Do your friends really have THAT much control over what SHE is doing here?

As for your pet.. you can politely agree to split times with the pet maybe? Or.. look at gettin your own.. or tell her to get her own, for herself?

 

BUT- I dont think you should meddle with anything else mentioned.

 

You're frustrated.. remember, this is part of a break up- emotions can run high. Anger, sad, confused, broken, etc.

Dont 'lose it' on her.

 

Think twice.. you cant take back what is said...

Link to comment
Do your friends really have THAT much control over what SHE is doing here?

As for your pet.. you can politely agree to split times with the pet maybe? Or.. look at gettin your own.. or tell her to get her own, for herself?

 

BUT- I dont think you should meddle with anything else mentioned.

 

You're frustrated.. remember, this is part of a break up- emotions can run high. Anger, sad, confused, broken, etc.

Dont 'lose it' on her.

 

Think twice.. you cant take back what is said...

 

I agree with this, esspecially about taking back what you said.

 

My ex is hanging out with a poor crowd now, but thats her choice and there isnt anything that i can say which will make a difference. All saying anything about it would do it make you look insecure and needy. Ontop of those things being a bad look, it really isnt your place to judge her actions anymore, and i know thats hard to accept because im still dealing with the same fact but you need to separate yourself completely. True NC, i deactivated facebook etc so i no longer need to see pictures of her with other people (would see pictures through different bar pages etc) and that has made me feel much better.

 

Break ups suck, and the healing process can be long but you need to do whats in YOUR power to make your situation better.

Link to comment

So, what I get from this is you are hung up over an ex and she took a dog you both agreed would be yours?

I would not flip out, and I don't think by being friendly with her they are being crap friends. I actually think that will help you in the long run. For sure confront her about the dog, but be gentle about it. Offer her the right to visit but say you want to take care of it. It's likely she will lose interest.

Corrrect me if I am wrong.

I really hope things go well for you.

Link to comment
Do your friends really have THAT much control over what SHE is doing here?

As for your pet.. you can politely agree to split times with the pet maybe? Or.. look at gettin your own.. or tell her to get her own, for herself?

 

BUT- I dont think you should meddle with anything else mentioned.

 

You're frustrated.. remember, this is part of a break up- emotions can run high. Anger, sad, confused, broken, etc.

Dont 'lose it' on her.

 

Think twice.. you cant take back what is said...

That's what I'm thinking of doing, just getting another dog instead.. It's frustrating though because once again she comes out as the winner. I spoiled her like crazy during the relationship and I'm getting shafted in the breakup while she comes out of it unscathed.

Link to comment
That's what I'm thinking of doing, just getting another dog instead.. It's frustrating though because once again she comes out as the winner. I spoiled her like crazy during the relationship and I'm getting shafted in the breakup while she comes out of it unscathed.

 

You need to stop keeping score. The way you "win" the breakup is by moving forward and becoming a better man. It's a waste of your time to try to take on your ex in this. I guarantee you she's not keeping score. You aren't competing against her -- you are only competing with yourself.

Link to comment
That's what I'm thinking of doing, just getting another dog instead.. It's frustrating though because once again she comes out as the winner. I spoiled her like crazy during the relationship and I'm getting shafted in the breakup while she comes out of it unscathed.

 

the same thing happened to me. It does suck, but even if you don't want to admit it right now you're trying to find excuses to get in contact with her.

like shane said you can't keep score. Breakups hurt on both sides despite what your ex does. The only way to "win" is to heal and find happiness without your ex.

 

I WISH i would have taken the advice i had gotten earlier because i would have avoided months of hurt.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...