Shes really hurt and conflicted please help me

[sittinlow]

Long story short, I've been with this girl for almost three years. I cheated on her and she left. I've made the changes I needed to make for me to be a better person and boy friend. My best friend, who is also a friend of hers sees these changes and has been standing up for me with her. We have been broken up for two weeks. I left her alone, gave her space, etc. She would come around once a week to watch walking dead or take my friend out shopping for some clothes since his taste is so bad. Finally he told her that she needs to actually spend more time with me and talk to me. She agreed and came over the following night. She told me that she's been seeing someone, that they've gone out 4 times. She then tells me that they get along great and everything's great, except she doesn't feel the connection with him. She doesn't have that "spark." She said that she feels that connection with me, and it feels wonderful, but she'd rather be in a relationship she knows that will be comfortable and not perfect than perfect with the chance of lying. I continued to assure her that I'd changed and she cried... a lot. She's really hurt. She asks me what she should tell the other guy. I don't know what to tell him. Yesterday she texts him telling him that she can't trust men and she's not ready to be in a relationship and that she's sorry she hurt him. This put her into a really funky mood and super depressed. She kept asking me throughout the night (we went to a festival together with friends) what she should tell him, all the while you could see in her face she was hurting. He continued to text her saying he missed her and that outside of work he doesn't talk to anyone else and is lonely... she wants to believe that I've changed and knows that if I have, that a relationship with me will be the best thing in the world however she's scared it's all an act and can't trust that I've changed yet. I'm really at her mercy right now. I've prayed, consoled in my dog, haven't bugged her with boo hoo stuff, given her as much space as she asks for and respected her wishes. The night she came over and told me about the connection, she said when she hugs him, she doesn't feel "it." Then when she left, I gave her a hug... it was a normal hug for me to give to her but it was extremely sincere and I held her close. She grabbed onto me and started crying. I know she loves me. What do I do????

[snappy5]

You treat her with the most respect from here on out.

 

Although I would question how long those changes can last if it's only been two weeks. People don't change that easily.

[SooSad33]

She is very emotional. She is broken up inside. I wonder if she needs some of 'her time', alone to get herself together?

She does still have those 'trust' issues? She is not alright.. yet.

 

You should each maybe have some decent 'down time'. Time apart to really work on yourselves.

YOU with straightening yourself up- gaining some self respect and accepting what's occurred and HER, to accept it as well and learn how to cope with it all and heal... then to work on this relationship, again...

 

Because, I'm thinking,, if you don't both 'deal with it' in a proper manner, things are just going to keep failing possibly in next few weeks again. She could end up texting you one day saying " I can't do this'. I'm hurting too much or.. I'm really confused.. etc.

 

I know this is hard.. BUT her trust & feelings have been damaged. You need to understand this.

 

Think about it. You can maybe at least talk to each other once in a while.. as you both work on 'getting things better', but seriously, I feel she does need to 'deal with this'. And it's just time..

gd luck

[SooSad33]

I'd suggest at least a month or two and maybe she or both of you can look into some counselling/therapist, if it's too much?

[sittinlow]

I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about her. I'm worried also that she will choose him. I just want her to see.

[SooSad33]

For someone to leave a LTR and move on to someone else so fast- is like a 'rebound'. That person is NOT ready or stable enough to put anything emotionally into another relationship again so fast.

 

She isn't ready for him.. or you. If she does start bouncing between you two- you can guarantee she is confused and should be taking HER time away from everything and everyone to deal with her issues & pains.

Hurt heart/mind...confusion..emotions.. etc.

[sittinlow]

I agree with the fact that she should be focusing on herself. To be quite honest, it almost feels to me like she pittys him because he's so lonely.