Family Business - Lost on what to do with my life? (long read)

[BigKK]

Torn between what to do with regards to my life, my family? How do I figure what the best choice is? Friends give me conflicting advice.

 

Background

I come from an immigrant family. My dad started an automotive repair business 25 years ago. I am 28 years old, this auto shop has always been a part of my life. He started it from scratch and despite many of the naysayers created a fairly successful business. He paid his dues though. No real vacation in 10 years, working 6 days a week, 10-15 hour days. Missing most of my extracurricular activities as a child which he often says he regrets.

 

In college I was studying Electrical Engineering, since most of my friends were doing it, my grandpa had a degree, my dad did, my uncle did, all in engineering. Essentially if you don't get a "useful" degree in this family you're wasting your time. Well, I did what many did, and switched majors, decided I will study what I am really passionate about...Exercise science, the body. I wasn't sure if it was from a training aspect or rather a rehabilitative one. So I received a BS in Kinesiology with aspirations for going into Physical Therapy school. With my lack of interest in engineering, my last semester was horrid grades, although to be perfectly honest I wasn't applying myself to the engineering program. I've always had the "aptitude" but often lacked the drive, therefore my GPA was brought down by this.

 

Right now it is very difficult for me to enter a PT school in the United States (or anywhere) I also have a lot of interest in business and would like to attend an MBA program. Lastly, I've been accepted to a second bachelors in Engineering degree, but it's moderately expensive and I think I was trying to satisfy some family tradition.

 

I just received my dual citizenship and also have the opportunity to move to Sweden (family there) and receive an MBA, while not paying for school. This is my number one choice right now, and I will be applying in a week. This all depends on whether I get in.

 

Present day, Family Business

 

I can fill in more background if needed, but lets fast forward to present day. I am managing the auto shop for the last 2 years. I run this place with my mom. I am doing all the website updates, car sale pages, selling customers, and I wear a number of other "hats." My dad is kind of burnt out, and will come into work for roughly 4 hours. Usually an hour devoted to micro-managing me, getting angry, then bringing up all kinds of old life events. I always tell him, this is work, if he wants to talk lets do it after work.

 

He wants me to take over this business, but I don't want to run this place the way he did. I don't want to be "the manager" that has to sit here day-to-day going to war with customers and popping my head up 20 years later and wondering where my life went. Although I do love the business aspect of it, how to increase productivity, new marketing ideas, expanding new services. I'd like to run this business from a distance while not getting stuck into the mundane day-to-day and instead train a manager for this position. Right now for what I am doing I am grossly underpaid, when I talk about a raise, or at least tieing my pay into what I sell (partially comission) that it'd bring better sales by simple psychology that I know I am earning more by my efforts it's met with being told that I am greedy and should do it for "the family."

 

I haven't had a real vacation in years, so I am preparing to go one in December, honestly my work ethic has gone to complete crap. I hate working here when I am constantly undermined and I could go deliver pizzas and probably make more money. I am still left with this strange "duty" to this business. Right now I am at a crossroads. My parents are getting older, and I want them to have a comfortable life which part of this business is their retirement. There is talks of just selling it, which would be a shame. In the state its in, there needs to be a lot of money invested in the building for this place to have a future. Should they or we be investing in that? I don't know... We have money coming in from leasing another building right now, which we could use to invest into this property.

 

It's honestly difficult to paint a great picture of the whole situation, of the strange dynamic I have with my father. There is love there and care from both sides. I have self-diagnosed him as bipolar, since when we are busy and doing well he is happy, but if there is not enough cars coming in he instantly gets very sad, depressed, and begins to pull out negative things about me. On Tuesday we got into an argument that I should point a car into another direction, I told him it's fine and it didn't need to. He went on a long exposé on how I don't care, etc when the truth of the matter is he wants to micromanage me and I don't let him anymore and he implodes. These kind of pointless arguments go back and forth all the time, always him being the instigator. If anyone has worked with family you can possibly relate.

 

What to do?

Most of my friend say to quit and just do anything else. I have one friend telling me I should try to have a talk with my dad and have him not allowed to work with me. Make this a condition of my job there, if I work here, you don't come and manage me. I've invested a lot of time and energy here and want to help this place grow, but this is why I also want to have the education (an MBA) to really take this place to the next level. To a certain point, I lose the vision of which direction this business should go, how to increase customer traffic, etc.

Part of me wants to go to Europe, study MBA while working part-time and then go from there and not even worry about my family and their business since in the end they'll survive. It appears that these are two very different lives. My dad suggests I just study here locally, and continue working but a part of me wants to leave San Diego and live abroad. There is a chance I won't get accepted to the MBA program in Europe which is what I am aware of.

 

Which brings me to my last possibility, something I've considered for the last 10 years. Take the entrance exam and try to become a commissioned officer in the Air Force or Navy. Once again, I am sure I can get good marks on the entrance exam, my biggest hindrance will be GPA yet again. With the military back-scaling I am aware this may be a long shot.

So in conclusion, I am not sure what to do with my life. I am very thankful for the position I am in, for a lot of things...but I also find myself lost. Most of the things I am writing here, I have been told I am too old to go to Europe and "start a life there," but I think its hogwash. I am very versatile and can make it wherever I go. So I write this to the wise ENA masses and welcome all the advice from all the varying backgrounds we have here.

[mandy86]

I really believe you should do what your passionate about. You are the one that has to live with your decision. Your dad might not agree with what you decide to do but you are an adult now and he has to accept that. It is hard for a lot of parents to let go of their children but it is a necessary part of life.

 

Just say you did run your dads business the way he wanted it to be run, would you then be living your dream or your fathers dream? Dont let your dad live his dream through you. Remind him that you love him but you want to make your own choices in your life.