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Is This The Right Direction??

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I have been with my ex for the past 3 years on an off and finally after a terrible break up, she couldn't do it anymore. There have been so many things that contributed to the failure of our relationship that she has no idea about. I feel like I need to tell her, as she is the only person I have opened up to completely, because I ultimately wanted and still do want to spend the rest of my life with. I wrote her a message...should I send this or pick myself up and start healing?


You and I are not so different, which is exactly why I wanted this to work so much.


I feel like I can finally tell you everything and give you the explanation you needed.



There are so so many reasons that things were bad when I moved down here. I continued to be on dating sites when I moved here, dating around and sleeping around. I had 2 relationships while here and have been dating No-name for the last 6 months...still am actually. She went with me to visit my sister, and came with me to my mothers to meet my family. So far they really likes her. She is an honest person who is loyal and faithful. I always knew you were messing around on me so I felt like I could do the same. I actively tried dating multiple people while still trying to carry out a relationship with you. Of course that didn't work because nights where I wouldn't be able to call were dedicated to other girls. I also was still dating No-name when I came down for the summer and was actually living with her. I didn't stop talking to her until after my sisters wedding. I hate how this all turned out but you finally needed to know why things were so ty. I never wanted that and should have moved you down here with me so we could have the life we always wanted. I, just like you can't be alone and need shallow attention to keep us moving. I am a weak person in that respect and am trying to start over with No-name and wipe my past clean. I blame myself for how this all turned out and know that this is the last time you and I will ever communicate with one another. I love you so much and am sorry that our love story couldn't have the happy ending that I always wanted. I will always love you with all my heart and promise that the horrible things I did were not a reflection of how I felt...it's part of a sickness and way of life that I unfortunately justified for so long. I have tried so hard to be better, but I just couldn't fix myself, which has been broken for so long. I even did this while you and I were living together, which hurts me the most. It wasn't until I faced these demons head on that I can truly start to fix them and put them to rest. I have learned so much about myself and know now the changes that need to be made. Again, I love you with everything that I am.

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God it reminds of my situation so much.


I broke up with her when I was almost 23. Still have feelings. Many regrets also.


Perhaps you should explain her how you feel? I did not do that in the right time, and will contact her in the only way possible soon. More than 3 years passed now. Most probably its too late.


If you love her, just hold on to her no matter what. Just do it. Afterwards you at least would not be imagining life with her. If the other road was taken.


be strong,



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Hi Ajk,


I appreciate it. I just feel that after everything she is too far gone. She doesn't seem to want to fight anymore, when this used to be her life. I woke up to this text this morning: "I Kissed someone, Which is why I can't be with you. I can't do it. I can't trust myself. I'm horrible. You don't deserve to be with someone like me. I can't keep hurting you". That really hurt, but that is why I was wondering if I should send the message I wrote her...telling her that we are both crazy and the same, only that our love and crazy leans on one another and it somehow works. I just feel lost.


Thank you for your comments,


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I think that deep down I am trying to burn everything down to the bottom so that her and I can rebuild stronger. Now will that happen? Maybe in time after she calms down...I am honestly scared of her reply though. I feel like she has been doing the same thing...It wouldn't matter to me if she did though because the love and passion we have has to be stronger than that. I want my life with her, right to the end. I am just not ready to stop fighting for what I believe in.

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I'm confused. You say in your letter that you're currently seeing this woman you call "No-Name" NOW.... so you're sending your ex this letter why exactly?


You haven't changed, you're still sleeping with this No-Name woman, who you've apparently gone far enough with to introduce to your family. You say you love your ex.... but meanwhile you're also still "giving it a try" with No-Name? This makes no sense to me.


If she's broken up with you, telling her about all the other women you've been sleeping with -- and are STILL sleeping with -- isn't going to make her want to be with you now.... or help her healing, either. It's only going to cause hurt and anger. Are you trying to make her jealous? Why would you now confess to having cheated on her -- and telling her you're STILL involved with one of the women you cheated on her with?


You say you "love her with everything you are".... is this how you show it? By being involved with some other woman and taking her to meet your family?


I don't get it.

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The relationship that ended, was started on broken trust. She cheated on me in the beginning setting the trust issues on a continuous down spin from the start. I have always had a hard time not peering over the fence to see of the grass is greener, even going so far as to check for myself. This is in part to blame on how I was raised and in part what I believed to be ok. I realize that it's completely wrong, for what I did to her. I was always just afraid that she would do the same thing to me...and I was not wrong. I failed to mention that she cheated on me again...but for some reason I feel like no matter what wrong she does, I just realize that I love and want her more...Is that some manifestation of lust or jealousy? Yes I am still going through the motions with this girl that I technically have been dating while with her, but I feel I do that to help make myself feel better. I often think that being alone is the only way for me to heal. You're right I shouldn't tell her, because I know it would cause immense pain. I don't want her to be jealous at all, I just want to expose my true self and start to rebuild from the bottom...I think somewhere along the line I lost sight of who I really am. She is the only one who saw a small part of that and I feel like I can't let her go.

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When you say finish what I think is not real and let the other woman know all you feel. Who is the other woman? The girl that ended things? And when you say to finish...do you mean with the girl that I am with or the one that I want to be with? Sorry if my questions are stupid. I just need some wisdom and direction.

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It's just a lot of information to sit on...it's been so much to swallow and live another life that I needed to let someone know. I guess that is part of the reason I joined this forum. I will not send that to her...maybe I will just let her be, because in the end sometimes not knowing is the best thing. I just hate to have her keep sending me every damn encounter she is having with other men...I suppose it's the torture that I deserve at this point.

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Yeah. I agree with you. It's not the right thing to do. I am telling my ex everything that has been going on and then letting the person I am talking to now go. Like someone said...if I am standing alone after this then so be it. I will grow and learn from the things I have done horribly wrong.

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