Have you ever loved someone so much but never told them?

[sirkeled]

Have you ever loved someone so much but never told them because it might ruin your friendship? I feel like this for my very close friend and our friendship is great. When we are together, all we do is laugh and have a great time. She tells me all her secrets (which she never tells anyone else).

 

But I feel that if I reveal what I feel for her, there's a possibility that all of those things would vanish and I won't be able to take it. I'd rather be her very good friend forever than be a lover with a possibility of things going sour (infidelity, breaking up, etc.).

 

Have you ever loved somebody like this (and still do) even if you're in a relationship or even married?

[firefly2613]

Well, this may not be a big help to you but here goes:

 

The first person I ever fell in love with was my best friend in middle school. I remember because I could feel a vibe when I met her. She had red hair and was wearing a pair of the cutest overalls. We were in the 6th grade. We were looking at a board that displayed the points for the kids in the accelerated reader program and she was in the lead. I asked her how she had gotten so many points, and she said she read Harry Potter. The next week I read the first three Harry Potter books, passed her, and beat her at the end of that year.

 

Time went on. We became great friends. High school came and she started dating others. I never said anything because I feared I wasn't her type and I didn't want to mess anything up. Let me tell you, it was rough. Our senior year she started dating my best friend. Neither of them knew that I was madly in love with her. But I decided it was more noble to just stay quiet rather than ruin everything.

 

We went to the same college. She broke up with my best friend but she's now with somebody else and she seems very happy and I'm happy for her. We grew apart over time, partly because I met another girl who took my breath away that was my first everything. Of course, "this other girl" most recently broke my heart, and I am still grappling with it from time to time. I was dating this girl for two and a half years, and in all that time I never really talked much to my friend, but I didn't really stop loving her either.

 

A week after my break-up, I was still devastated. I was feeling terrible. I didn't know where to go. I contacted her on Facebook and told her I could really use her help. I told her I needed someone with "heart experience". We met the next day and we talked for an hour, and it was as if we had never stopped talking to each other. She helped me out with my breakup, told me how I should fix myself and my hurt.

 

She just took her guy on a trip to New York for his birthday. My gut tells me things will be getting more serious between them soon. I know, however, that when the wedding comes, I will be one of the first ones invited, and I will be there to wish her well in her life - if, of course, this should happen.

 

We are slowly reconnecting and I have missed her very much. And do I love her? Yes, I still do. If everything truly lined up, I would be with her. But it would have to be her who told me she wanted to be together, because I would never violate our friendship.

 

I kept thinking about her after my breakup. I often wonder how different things would have been if I would have told her how I felt. But, you never know. If I had, perhaps we wouldn't be talking with each other again today. If I had, perhaps I would never have had my heart broken, and I now believe everyone needs a broken heart just once in their life.

 

We met in the 6th grade. We are both 22 now. It seems like forever.

 

So, yeah, I have loved somebody like that.

[kz91]

I loved them and never told them, big mistake. But if I loved him enough, I would've told him.

 

He's now happily married with two kids and we're good friends.

 

So I guess it wasn't a mistake!

[uniqueme]

If you really love her, then take a chance and tell her. At least you tried instead of always thinking "what if?".

[mhowe]

The outcome is a choice of 3:

 

you tell her, she feels only friendship ---- you are crushed....and the friendship dies slowly because it has become awkward.

you tell her, she feels the same....the relationship starts.....and ends in months, or a year or so because you were better friends than lovers....friendship dies.

you tell her, she feels the same....and you go from HS to a long, long time. Love blooms, friendship lasts.

 

While it looks like you have a 1/3 chance of forever, the chances of that happening are much, much slimmer.

[SteveNaive]

As mhowe so rightly noted, there's only three things that can happen. That said, I would beg to differ as to the "statistical" consequences. Given that you consider her your friend, you ought to be able to tell her, regardless whether she feels the same for you. Nevertheless, I would suggest to choose your words wisely when you do tell her and note how much you value the friendship and that you do not want to risk losing her as a friend.

 

If she really is your friend, she will understand and remain your friend, regardless whether she feels the same for you that you feel for her.

 

If not, then the friendship was probably not as strong as you imagined in the first place and you will not be losing much anyhow.

 

So, as far as I see it, if you really do consider her a friend, you have nothing to lose, but a lot to win...

[HelloSunshine]

Confessing or not when you fall in love with a close friend is always a bit tricky - but it happens often.

 

Two years ago one of my closest friends confessed his feelings for me, but I only saw him as a friend. I was honest about that, for a few months we didn't speak as much as we used to, but then it went back to normal again. We're still great friends and there's nothing awkward going on!

 

I also have experience with the other side of this situation: you see, my current boyfriend was (and still is) one of my best friends. He took a chance and told me he had fallen in love with me, I needed a bit more time to sort out my feelings but in the end, it worked out great and we have an amazing relationship =) But the decision to tell or not depends on a lot of things, I guess.

 

I think that usually best friends who become lovers have a lot of happiness in their relationships (speaking for myself and other friends in similar situations). So I believe it's better to confess, because if the friendship is solid, it will survive if the other person doesn't feel the same way about you