How to stop thinking about my ex

[Fiends001]

I broke up my 2 years 4 month relationship with my gf for a lot of reasons some of them being that she was too critical of me and i felt under appreciated and also that she was deathly afraid of any form of public display of affection meaning that she never hugged or kissed me whenever anyone else was around and finally because after being with her for so long she still was not ready to have sex( we are both virgins). About one week after leaving her...i was miserable...i kept seeing her everywhere i looked and going to the mall i kept reminiscing about all the same places i was now passing and regretted not being there with her. She called me and we got to talking again...and she could not stop telling me how happy she was from me breaking up with her. How she has given up on relationships completely because of me..and in her words "I can never trust another guy, but f**king them is fine." She changed soo much after i left her to the point where she wants and has found partners who are willing to have casual sex with her. She now has no problem making out with them at the mall and it hurts so much to think about their hands on her body. I even asked her how she is able to do this now with them and not with me and she told me that me leaving her gave her the strength she needed to change and then i asked her if she could see us together again now that she has become what i wanted from her in the first place, someone who genuinely does not care about what others think as long as she is happy but now she doesnt want to be with me again, just have fun with other guys. Honestly, i would prefer she falls in love with another guy and be with him and after like 6 months if she decides she wants to have sex with him, i could handle that, but i CANNOT deal with the girl that i was in love with being this girl that so much guys are going to have fun with. Now i randomly just break down and cry and i can never stop thinking about her words. After being with her for so long in a way i guess it still feels like she is cheating on me...please what should i do to help move on or get her to be with me or anything to ease the pain.

[ThatwasThen]

i would prefer she falls in love with another guy and be with him and after like 6 months if she decides she wants to have sex with him, i could handle that, but i CANNOT deal with the girl that i was in love with being this girl that so much guys are going to have fun with.

Well, Fiends. I think this is your first problem and the reason that you're unable to move on from her and get yourself to the state of indifference to her.

 

You're feeling out of control. YOU "would prefer this of her?" Well, son you don't have any control over her, you only have control over yourself, your reactions to her actions and your own ability to move on and forget someone who went from a Virgin to a promiscuous chicka.

 

Learn, and learn it without reservation that the only person you have 100% control over is yourself not anyone else so what you would "prefer" particularily with someone who is not yours to place preference on, is out of your hands and so preferring anything about her is just a good way for you to feel out-of-control and full of angst.

 

Do yourself a favor and try some aversion therapy. Put an elastic band around your wrist and when thoughts of her pop into your head, snap that rubber band and immediately and consciously change the subject of her to something else. Something that you can control because its to do with yourself.

 

I think once you come to accept and do the work you need to do within to change your outlook, soon enough you won't care what shes doing, who she is becoming, or anything else about her.

 

Do the work now because you're wasting valuable dating time which will help you find someone who is more compatible with you.

 

Onward, Fiends001.

[Fiends001]

Ok, so the rubber band aversion therapy is somewhat easing my pain. But i didnt mean that i was trying to control her. Its just that would be alot easier for me to deal with if she decided to fall in love with someone. I know that im not ready for another relationship and i dont want to hurt any girl by making her my rebound, but that aside how do I get to that point where I can deal with my emotions constructively without having another girl attempt to fill the void?