Thehurt1 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 After having the Convo that I needed NC to heal, she contacts me after 2 weeks with a text saying "I know we are not supposed to talk but are you and mayla ok?" This is very confusing as she acted like she was so cool in the last Convo where I said my piece with my feelings and why I had to go NC. Mayla is our dog btw. Is it guilt or is she genuinely concerned and misses us? It's been a lil more than 3 mos since we have broken up and I lost reconciliation hope after the last Convo even tho she swore she stills thinks we will be together again one day and that she loves and misses me. This is just so hard because I truly feel she is utterly confused and doesn't know what she wants. I did reply saying we are ok, thanks for asking. Was that a bad reply? I really love and miss this girl more than anything ever and want to get over her but I know she doesn't truly want to let me go no matter how she acts, I just know she never wanted us to end but there was no choice since I caught her cheating. I'm really trying to stay strong here. There's just not anything I can do but I wish she would either decide to work on us or just let me go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 It is neither guilt nor genuine concern. She doesn't like not having any power over you. Ignore the text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firesite Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 It is neither guilt nor genuine concern. She doesn't like not having any power over you. Ignore the text. This. But he already replied so he can't ignore it. I would just forget about it and move on. If you really want to forget about her change your number or block her number on your phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thehurt1 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yeah i replied and prob shldnt have i guess but oh well. Mhowe u are prob right, she prob felt the NC and wants to make sure she stays in my head, so f'd up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Live and learn. No need to update her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Anthony Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yeah i replied and prob shldnt have i guess but oh well. Mhowe u are prob right, she prob felt the NC and wants to make sure she stays in my head, so f'd up. After I told my ex we cannot be friends and communicate he still message me on three separate days. I believe he did that so I will keep him on my mind. It's been a week and a half since he message me, I guess he finally give up because I was not responding. I know that is messing with his ego because he now see someone who once loved him unconditionally does not show feelings for him anymore, and he knows I still love him a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Actually, it is more to make you stronger than any affect it may have on them. In OPs case...she cheated on him...causing the break up. He tells her NC and her ego can only go so long without checking in. The checking in has nothing to do with checking on you...it is bait to see if you will stand strong or still come when they snap. If they respected you...they would honor your request to stay out of contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bwhite00 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Live and learn. No need to update her again. Good advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyabouther Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Her text seems geniune. So was your reply. You're both in love with each other. If you can forgive her for cheating, cool. If you can't. Move on. It's time for you to make a decision. If you sit down and talk to her, and that small soft voice inside you will tell you what to do. Not the loud screaming one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I read your posts and I think it's best if you really try to stick to the NC. She fell in love with someone else, and even months after the breakup is still telling you she's happy with her decision. She doesn't sound confused to me -- not at all. Right now she's just trying to keep you safely around as a Plan B -- very often dumpers will offer a possible future together as a way of keeping you on the backburner in case they don't find someone else or change their minds down the line..... but the thing is, when someone is REALLY in love with you and REALLY wants to be together, they want to be with you NOW, not "maybe someday"..... If you continue to give her easy access to you by text and phone and online, obviously she's going to reach out every now and again to make sure you're still there on the backburner. Obviously it hasn't been working for you -- not to get her back or helped you move on! I'd block her and try to start healing from this breakup now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thehurt1 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 I understand what u are saying sharky and i do agree with most. I am trying to move on and heal and get over her but i do love her and know she still loves me. I dont think she is in love with the other person and its more a new exciting and forbidden affair. Is it possible she is in love, sure it is but from what i have seen in most cases, u dont generally go from a serious long term relationship with someone you loved deeply to instantly falling in love with a person u cheated with. Thats usually a false sense of love and typical rebound situation. She is not the type to jump from relationship to relationship either or one that is constantly looking for love. I love this girl and likely will a long time regardless if we try again or not. Im doing my best to move on but its not easy. I just trust that things will play out as they should and in time the pieces will come together. Maybe i meet mrs.right during this time or maybe i just gain back my independence and reflect on what i can do better in my next relationship. Either way this had to happen or it wouldnt have and that is something we must all accept and understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I I dont think she is in love with the other person and its more a new exciting and forbidden affair. Is it possible she is in love, sure it is but from what i have seen in most cases, u dont generally go from a serious long term relationship with someone you loved deeply to instantly falling in love with a person u cheated with. Thats usually a false sense of love and typical rebound situation. She is not the type to jump from relationship to relationship either or one that is constantly looking for love. Usually, before a breakup, there's a long period of time when the dumper is withdrawing and distancing themselves emotionally. They might act happy and in love and like nothing's changed, but the truth is they're pulling away and preparing to end things. If she became involved with someone else during this time, you can see how it's actually a much more gradual, realistic transition from one relationship to the next. I'm sure she DOES still love you as a person, but the romantic love is gone. Right now she feels that way about someone else. I think you need to hear what she's telling you, three months after the breakup -- that she's happy with her choice. Denying the validity of her new relationship -- or dismissing it as *just a rebound* -- isn't going to help you recover from this breakup and get to a point where you can stop waiting for her to change her mind, and start healing and moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thehurt1 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 I understand and trust me when i say that this meeting happened with this guy 1 week before i found out. When i initially found out she didnt want us to end but i forced it and then she started justifying her lack of feelings for me. She even told me afterwards that she didnt want to lose me and wanted her cake and eat it too selfishly. Its why i thought we would get back within that first 3 mos but i now feel differently. It would be easier if she didnt send texts like this one to check up on me as it still lets me know im obviously on her mind, why else send it? If its to keep me as a backup or know im still here, still same thing...im obv on her mind. Its easy on the outside to judge the situation as you have but theres many details that u may not know as in this thing with this guy can never be a relationship and it may be fun for a while but it will get old and its really long distance too. I hear what she has said which is why i told her we cant be friends in order for me to move on. She is just making that harder on me to do and some days are easier than others but ultimately im living life for me now but i wont lie to myself or you and say that i dont think theres a chance for us again in the future. Im letting go and know thats the only way but she still has my heart and im hoping that feeling goes away slowly but when its gone theres no getting it back so if thats the case then we will ultimately be done for good anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It sounds like you're asking for advice and then dismissing some great responses. Sure...she'll get bored--she got bored and cheated in your relationship-she will likely do that again with this guy or another guy. What makes you want her back? With some time and distance you may find that you think you deserve better than someone with that kind of character and lack of integrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thehurt1 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I dont mean to be dismissive and apologize to anyone that feels that way. I was having a rough one yesterday but today im much better. I do believe that i will not want to be with her at all in time. Her time frame on us trying again is much too far away to even seem possible. Unless she has that am i doing moment within the next few months im pretty sure its over. She keeps trying to reach out in some form or another as she just sent me a social network invite but i am not replying. I was willing to forgive the cheating as i can regretably say i wasnt completely loyal during our relationship. I feel i somewhat deserve this to be honest and with that im more accepting of the fact that it may just be time for us to move on from each other. I still love her and kniw she still loves me but maybe thats just not enough here. Thanks for all yalls responses and advice. Whatever the outcome will truly be for the better and i can accept that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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