Crazy day.

[oitnb]

Today has been insane.

 

My ex came by and asked to see me, was asked to leave and said he'd sit in his car until we talked, we needed to discuss what I'm doing with the rest of my stuff I (stupitdly) forgot to grab.

 

I went out and told him I would do it tomorrow, to leave, I will call him (blocked obviously, I don't want him having my number) about it.

 

He was a jerk when I called him.

 

I listened to him tell me for six minutes how he did basically nothing wrong, and said I will get it all done tomorrow goodbye and hung up.

 

Geez.

 

Why is he being a jerk?

I mean, I know he's probably hurting, but I didn't expect him to act the exact same jerkish way he did when we were in our relationship.

 

Eh.

 

On the positive note, I got my puppy today! She's literally gorgeous. White with gray/blue patches, and grey spots on one of her ears.

And baby blue eyes

 

She's actually really smart. Only a few accidents, and they were all right by the Backdoor. Went potty outside like five times.

 

A bit nippy, but tis to be expected of a puppy.

 

The only thing is, I can't get her to sleep in her bed. She has to be by me.

 

Any advice on this?

 

Two random questions to two different things.

 

Edit: feel free to move this if its in the Wrong category.

[HopsonMcGee]

You joined last month and have posted 473 times and achieved "silver member" status? Wow.

 

He's being a jerk because he's a loser. Given the volume of posts, I could probably figure out who dumped who, but it doesn't really matter. If he dumped you, then his anger makes no sense. If you dumped him, then he's weak and possibly dangerous at this point. Who gets mad at someone for dumping them? It sucks, to be sure, but what the hell is anger going to accomplish? Are they going to love you more for admonishing them? Obviously not. It's idiotic.

 

About the dog, I put mine in a cage in the bedroom when he was a puppy. It taught him independence. I no longer have the dog because my ex took him and I didn't protest given that I was going to become an apartment dweller once again, but I had him for a number of years. He was good-natured, well-adjusted, canine.

[HeartGoesOn]

He's being a jerk because instead of ignoring him, you're allowing yourself to leave a door open, despite ending the relationship. What belongings does he have of yours that are of any value?

[ParisPaulette]

Ah yes, the "I didn't do anything wrong" phase of the breakup with an emotional abuser--I remember it well. He's actling like a jerk, because he still thinks he has control over you. That if he snaps his fingers and uses his best mean voice that you'll cower and cave in like you did before and he can go back to controlling you. It hasn't really dawned on him just yet that you are really serious about leaving him and that you want no part of him doing so. His mean voice and belittling worked before, so it'll take him a little while to remember that he has to put on a mask to hide his real face.

 

The real trick for you will be when it dawns on him you really are gone and then come the waterworks and the pleading and then the "do you remember how much...(insert one of several good times you had together)" to try and guilt/woo you back. That's when you will really have to remind yourself that the guy in front of you acting sweet and showing you the person you hoped he'd be isn't real. It's just more manipulation and him pretending. And that if you go back it'll be a really fast downhill slide before you're back to where you were. Only the next time he'll be watching you a lot closer and leaving won't be as easy should you be foolish enough to go back.

 

I think though you're like I was at that stage, just done with it all and whatever your emotions might be you don't want that again, ever. And if that's the case you'll be fine. You'll get through it all, he'll see you have zero interest in getting back together and he's not going to get any control back and he'll wander off to find his next victim--er girlfriend. And you'll see him one day and think, "Whew, what was I ever thinking? Dodged a bullet there."

 

And whatever you do don't go get any of your stuff by yourself no matter what he says or promises, always have someone else with you. You know the guy can get well a bit weird and he's hurt you before in fights, so no being alone with him no matter how much he swears he'll be nice and just wants that "one last time" with you. Or maybe show up with your dad and other family in tow, heck an entire party, when he's home and tell him you all were in the neighborhood and thought you'd save him the trouble. Grab whatever it is you left and get out of there. Although seriously if the stuff you left was that important you wouldn't have forgotten it, so if it's going to keep him tied to you or he keeps using it as an "excuse" to stay connected to you turn your back and walk away from it. Things can always be replaced, but the damage that comes from staying connected to someone who's been abusive to you in either a mental or physical capacity can be so much harder to heal and replace in the long run.

[oitnb]

Um... I've had a really bad, rough month. This site has helped a lot.

 

And I dumped him.

 

Should I ease the puppy into crating or did you just throw it in there?

[oitnb]

He's being a jerk because instead of ignoring him, you're allowing yourself to leave a door open, despite ending the relationship. What belongings does he have of yours that are of any value?

 

In the mess of moving my dad and I forgot a box full of my really good clothes

[oitnb]

You always put the best replies!

 

Thank you.

[ParisPaulette]

You're welcome, I've been there. It does get better. Play lots of Aretha Franklin and Kelly Clarkson in their "I'm not about to let anyone walk all over me" phases. It helps.

 

Now go play with your puppy who sounds adorable and search around for a good trainer/books and videos on dog training without the use of physical violence. I say that because I sometimes see those sorts of things and they always make me cringe. The way to train dog well is NOT to put a choke collar on them or hit them when they do something wrong! Pit bulls can be lovely dogs just like any other, but they need good training because a grown one is sort of like having a car that's running on it's own. They can do alot of damage without even trying if they aren't controlled. Of course the same goes for any other breed for that matter. I have two husky breeds, an American bull and two smaller terrier mixes that are all rescues. They're fantastic dogs, but I did alot of work to make sure I'm viewed as leader of the pack/dog mom since mine are also working dogs in that they run freely on a large piece of property to protect me and the other animals from predators like coyotes and people who have no business being out where I live without announcing their presence to me. I have to have them well-trained to not just up and run or take a chunk out of a person/animal/family member while at the same time being protective and alerting us to possible dangers.

 

Good luck and stay strong. You'll be fine.

[oitnb]

I'm gonna take training classes at petsmart with her, but she is already so well behaved. Barely any potty accidents, already slowing down on the nipping, and sleeping in her bed like a big girl. I knew pit bulls were smart, but she's amazing!

 

And I will never, ever hit her. That stuff upsets me too. It makes animals scared of humans, so they lash out.

 

My dad ended up getting my stuff for me, so I didn't even have to see the ex. Thank god!

[ParisPaulette]

My dad ended up getting my stuff for me, so I didn't even have to see the ex. Thank god!

 

Awesome dad! Excellent on the puppy training too.