What the Heck do Men mean when they say youre "intimida

[PrincessLinzay]

Ok, Im just throwing this one out there because I hear it all the time.

 

When I meet men and start talking, it usually comes out that had I not been introduced to them they wouldnt have approached me because Im too "intimidating". What does this mean, I certainly don't look like a wrestler? What the heck? Do I look like a b#@!? What do guys mean when they say this, I need to know whether or not I should be insulted. Lol. Thanks in Advance.

[GettingOverIt]

Well, we don't know enough about you at this point, but I can tell you from knowing someone seen as 'intimidating' what I think it means....

 

You are probably very strong-willed (maybe hard-headed), and you have shown that you don't take garbage from anyone. You are probably very independent. For whatever reason(s), you come off as the type who doesn't need anyone to help 'take care' of you (interpret as you see fit). It may also be related to hobbies and/or activities you do... What do you do for fun?

 

I wouldn't be insulted, but you may want to ask the person/people saying this about it. They should be able to put a finger on their own reasons for saying that about you.... Ask friends about this, too. Be prepared for ANY answer though... You never know what people are thinking, even if it's not true, they are getting those 'vibes' from something...

[OceanEyes]

I've gotten that before also. If you're a woman, but are aggressive and opinionated in how you speak to them, they're probably going to feel intimidated.

 

Other reasons a man may say, "I'm intimidated":

 

- You're smarter than he is and can carry on political/ social/ business-like debates much better than he can (you will always know that he doesn't know what he's talking about if he starts saying things like, "who cares?", or "no, I don't think so", but not giving reasons why he feels that way, or starts insulting you in some way).

 

- You're super hot, get tons of male attention and know it.

 

- You are always having a lot of fun and surrounded by 10 of your closest girlfriends.

 

- You are an all-around talented gal with a gift for social interaction and show no fear in any situation.

 

I think it kind of depends on why they are saying you're intimidating. I've been told that for years, and at first it really bothered me (I thought I was pushy or something), but now I realize that some guys are really just scared of a woman who seems strong-willed and confident.

[Mun]

If someone told me this...I think I would be insulted and then I would be flattered.. but I would probably start to wonder how I come accross to others.

 

Do you talk too much--maybe because you get nervous? Do you stare at men--hoping they will come over to you? Do you let them approach you first and try to impress you with their humor, intelligence.. etc. Or do you approach them and try to control the conversation? What is your general opinion of men? Do you let them do nice things for you, or feel that you can do it yourself--like open your own door and pay your own way.

 

Are you pretty self sufficient ( successful) and feel you don't need anyone to take care of you? it may not be what you are doing that is intimidating, but the attitude you take.

 

Nothing wrong with being a strong woman, and letting men take the lead.

[PrincessLinzay]

This helps tons! I am a very independent person, I know Im intelligent and Im outgoing. I also am aware that Im easy on the eyes (not to be conceited, just not a girl who fishes for compliments). I was afraid that it had something to do with looking like a bi@#$ or something. Im very nice so of course I don't want to come off this way. On the other hand, I can be a bit aggressive if I feel someone is giving me crap. Could be any of these things, but it helps. Thanks guys!

[PrincessLinzay]

~oops, missed Muneca's post~

 

Do you talk too much--maybe because you get nervous? Do you stare at men--hoping they will come over to you? Do you let them approach you first and try to impress you with their humor, intelligence.. etc. Or do you approach them and try to control the conversation? What is your general opinion of men? Do you let them do nice things for you, or feel that you can do it yourself--like open your own door and pay your own way.

 

In answer:

 

Nervous? hehe. Not at all. I try to listen and contribute to any conversation. Do I stare at men? I try not to. lol. I mostly let them approach me, but am often inadvertantly introduced to them through aquaintances. I have a pretty good opinion of men. Im traditional in many ways and modern in many ways. I don't NEED a man to do anything for me, but sometimes it's nice when he does.

 

Im not dependent on men and try to make my life simple by having the ability to take care of myself. I also like men though. It's nice to have them around.

[Mun]

Ocean Eyes made a good point.

 

Do you embarrass men at times? Like when you realize you know more than they do on a subject. Or do you make a mental note of it and keep quiet in order to let them save face.

[PrincessLinzay]

Depends on the guy. If I think the guy is up for a little friendly banter, I might tease him a little. But I can give as well as receive. I don't do this until I have a pretty good sense of the guys humor and whether or not he would be taken aback by this.

[Mun]

There is a huge difference between friendly banter and embarrassing someone.

 

I used to think I was intimidating to men. Then I realized it wasn't me but my attitude that was not helping. Those things I asked you--I did some of them. and now I know better

 

Princess this is an excellent post too bad I have to run--I'll check back later.

 

Love

PS I loved your old avatar...

[PrincessLinzay]

Thanks Muneca.

 

Which Avatar, I think this is my third? Lol. I have ADD and get bored quickly. I like everything to be pretty all the time and am convinced I can find something better. hehe. The one with the eye? Ill put that one back, hehe.

[traz]

Being a guy, 90% of the time, if I find someone to be "intimidating", it is because I feel that in someway, they are too good for me. They might be really good looking, or really popular, and I may think "why would she like me?" .

[dreamweaverdude]

I tend to agree somewhat with traz......

 

I tend to get intimidated around women are very demanding and strong-willed, one who is never wrong, and will let you know it. Don't get me wrong nothing wrong with a strong -willed woman..... i actually love that privately, but not in a business or social setting. It does tend to be the impression that the woman is b*&^%.

 

But like traz, I tend to get more intimidated because of my lack of confidence in myself, so i perceive that the girl/woman is much more attractive or popular than i think i 'deserve' or would have a chance with.

 

I try not to let the latter happen very often but at times it does. The older i get the less it happens.

 

If you are a goals oriented, driven kinda woman who uses your status as a 'woman' in a place of business to get you where you want in life it tends to intimidat some men.

 

Just some thoughts, for what they are worth!

[69_king]

yes, if you're very good looking, well dressed, smart, outgoing, intellectual, independent then lots of guys are going to think "There's no way she's going to want to go out with me!" That's a sign of respect, actually. So usually the only guys who would go after you are the macho guys who know what they want, get what they want and think they are better than you. Now, there is a small number of nicer guys that will get over the intimidation but still respect you and ask you out. The only problem is that's like 1 in 10 or 1 in 20. So they are harder to find.

[PrincessLinzay]

Too true. I usually end up with guys that are very aggressive and make it clear that they're interested in me. They usually aren't even the best looking ones, just more macho and forthcoming. Im very extroverted so Im usually attracted to the ones that are just as outgoing as me, if not more, so I don't have to sit there and babysit them. I probably need to change my outlook. hehe.

[69_king]

Please don't take this as an insult and I may be wrong but you seem a little full of yourself. I can tell just by looking at your avatar and your user name.

 

Princess, Beauty, a beautiful blue eye (or is it purple? I'm colour blind) with the blonde strands of hair down the side.

 

 

that would be like me calling myself "PrinceHunkalicious" and showing a picture of my bare He-man chest. (ok, maybe not quite, sorry, but you get the idea?)

[RayKay]

and showing a picture of my bare He-man chest. (ok, maybe not quite, sorry, but you get the idea?)

 

 

Hee hee, like DBL! Of course no offense to DBL, it just reminded me of you and your avatar is great

[PrincessLinzay]

Duh that's not me on the Avatar, it's a drawing, and the eye is pink. Sheesh.

 

Im not full of myself, but Im not going to sit there and complain about how ugly I am either. Too many people do that. If I don't know my own worth, no one else will either!

[GettingOverIt]

I agree about the whole self-confidence thing... If I think a girl is 'intimidating,' it does have a lot to do with me, not just her. If I see myself as something of a dorky nerdy guy, then that's where my confidence is, and I will see an outgoing, self-confident woman as being 'intimidating,' ... If I see myself as a rugged cowboy-to-be, then I have a different view of myself and that plays in to how 'intimidating' I see a woman.... If I see myself as a cowboy computer nerd, well, that's a whole other post... ;-)

 

There is definitely the 'too good for me' thing at play, for sure! I dated a woman that I thought was just about the hottest woman I had ever met. What the heck was she doing with me? It was hard then because my own self-confidence was lower. I kept thinking she'd have to find someone better than me because I was this dork. She never said that about me, even after we broke it off. It was all my own perception... That can be changed!

 

Some guys are threatened when a woman knows more than he does or can hold her own in a conversation about 'deep' subjects. Honestly, I find that refreshing! The more varied the topics, the better. We tend to get stuck in convos about work or school or one thing, but then that's it. Give me someone who can talk about politics, sports, clothes, horses, computers, whatever. Maybe she knows more than I do, maybe I know more in some areas. The point is that the convo goes deeper than just "uh, huh. I see. Yeah."

[Mun]

I just love the response from the men! I hope they keep it coming. We could learn a thing or two from them. Serious.

 

I do think coming accross too aggressively or like dreamweaver said...a know it all ...would tend to squash a man's interest ( or anybody's for that matter) There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman-I think it is appealing to men--but you kinda have to bring out your soft side with them. That's the beauty of being feminine.

 

Strength should be about not taking mistreatment from anyone and knowing when to walk away from a bad situation. Not about pushing your weight around or competing with men...on a social level. I love when a man is protective of me, but if I'm competing with him I doubt he will feel like treating me special or doing nice things for me. He'll probably treat me like another guy. ugh!

 

That's my two cents.

Love

[PrincessLinzay]

I hear everything everyone is saying. It helps, really it does! I just want to look more welcoming. Im sure Ive made the mistake once or twice of being rather stand-offish Not intentionally, but it happens. I am definitly a people person though and love being approached by people (any gender, I just like meeting new people).

 

It is slightly bothersome being told that Im intimidating. When Ive asked why, Ive been told that I wasn't intimidating once we began talking. So I drew the conclusion that I looked b@#$!y! Could be any number of things from what people are saying here! (IE, too strong-willed, aggressive?) It probably doesn't help that I have two brothers and no sisters, Im used to being around guys and feel more comfortable with them, have a tendency to treat them all the same. (even the ones Im interested in).

 

I am self-confident but Im not going to change that in any way. I've heard guys say that self-confidence can make even an average looking person more attractive. (I also love seeing it on guys, not arrogance or conceit, but self-confidence)

 

So to the guys, what can a girl do to look more welcoming and less intimidating?

[wlfpack81]

Nothing wrong with being a strong woman, and letting men take the lead.

 

Nothing wrong with being a strong woman, and taking the lead yourself either at times. This I want my cake and eat it to does turn off a lot of guys.

[Mun]

wlfpack81 got any suggestions? I would love to see some specific ideas.

 

I tend to be a control freak, so I have to have things my way or it's the highway ( has anyone noticed?) When I say ''let a man take the lead" I am reminding myself that I don't have to tell a man how to talk, walk, dress and who I think should be his friends and his hobbies.. and that I want the relationship to go at my pace ( where is that committment?). Rather I am allowing myself to relax and to trust him. I am saying, with my actions, that I have faith in him--and myself.

 

How intimidating ( and desirable) is a woman who has to have things her way ALL the time? Does that sound anything like you Princess?

 

Love

[wlfpack81]

Sorry muneca I thought you meant take the lead as in make the first moves in starting the relationship (as in going up and saying hi etc.).

 

However to respond to this:

 

When I say ''let a man take the lead" I am reminding myself that I don't have to tell a man how to talk, walk, dress and who I think should be his friends and his hobbies..

 

I think anyone who does this (male/female) is wrong as you shouldn't dictate someone's elses life and tell them they can't hang around so and so just b/c you're dating. I mean it's a relationship not a master/slave type of deal b/c I certainly don't want a girl treating me like that in the paragraph you described and I wouldn't treat a girl like that either.

[PrincessLinzay]

How intimidating ( and desirable) is a woman who has to have things her way ALL the time? Does that sound anything like you Princess?

 

Hmmmm. Well, I guess it tends to go both ways. I CAN be compromising on many things, but Im also very, very stubborn and willful. I know I need to work on this already. It's very hard though. To tell the truth, Ive dated mostly latin men and have gotten myself to quite a fiesty little temper. I hate admitting when Im wrong. ](*,) Ugh

 

Keep it coming guys. Lovin it!

[kalshane]

Guys tell my sister she's intimidating. She doesn't take crap from nobody! I'd rather be with an intimidating girl than a pushover ditz anyday!!