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Sister upset over break up

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My sister broke up with her boyfriend. It was not an amiable seperation. Both are very angry at each other. They had been fighting over an issue involving infidelity in the past. As far as i can make out the story goes like this:


My sister cheated on him 2 years ago. The boyfriend never really got over this and instead of working on building the trust between them again his suspicions (and delusions) grew and nothing she could do could make his paranoia go away. Rather than break up with her he tried to get at her by controlling her movements completely and by insulting her when nobody was around. When his friends were around he only ever played the good nice boyfriend.


He says that she kept cheating on him and is a liar. He says he has done nothing wrong.


She says that he is delusional and that he has been punishing her for 2 years.


I was friends with them both as was my boyfriend. Now my sister is forcing me to take a side by saying that she needs someone to take her side. She says she doesnt want me to do this as she doesnt want to impinge on my life and ruin my relationship with my boyfriend who is friends with her boyfriend (which i take offense to). My mum says i am unloyal and hates the boyfriend.


I am finding the situation difficult. I am very close to my sister and dont want to lose her trust. But I feel the need to keep out of things and let them work it out. My sister is staying at my house. But now i feel guilty. Especially since she was the one who helped me through a difficult time when my ex boyfriend cheated.


Should i be joining my sister banding against her ex? or should I keep out of it? Am i gutless? Should i comiserate with her because she needs it?



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kate -


she is a grown woman. This isn't high school where kids "take sides". (athought the two of them are acting like children at the moment) You are well within your right to stay out of her personal life and I give you a lot of credit for trying to do so.


I'm sorry, but she started the ball rolling of problems when she cheated on him. You said "rather than breaking up with her..." why would it be HIS responsibility to end the relationship? He tried to forgive her, obviously he couldn't (rarely can anyone who is cheated on forgive it) She has to take responsibility for her own actions by not leaving him sooner if he refused to really forgive her...she stuck around to be punished for her infidelity.


You have gone well beyond your call of duty by allowing her to stay with you while she picks up the pieces....if she doesn't like the fact you choose to stay neutral...tell her to pack her things and go live with mom.


Speaking of mom....someone needs to let her know her comments and intrusion is only making things worse.

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You shouldn't take sides. They both did things they shouldn't have, so its pointless for them to argue over who is to blame. Its not fair of her to try to make you take a side. Its between her and her boyfriend, no one else has anything to do with it.


You can still be be there for her, even if you aren't taking a side. Ask her if she needs to talk. Next time someone tells you to pick a side, tell her "I'm your sister, you know I love you no matter what, but this isn't about me. I don't want to be brought into it and I don't want to pick sides."

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