Are there real-life happy endings?

[gombagoom]

I have heard - and read on this site - plenty of getting-back-together stories. The movies and literature are filled with them: somebody sez "Please Forgive Me" in skywriting, a guy stands outside of a girl's appartment in the rain pleading, etc.

 

But does it really happen? And is it healthy to hope that it happens?

 

I've been with someone for 15 months. We got very close and comfortable with each other very quickly. She has said things like "you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me...", we have talked about moving in, marriage, etc.

 

Recently, she said "we have to talk". After some nervous exchanges, I blurted out "are you breaking up with me". She said "I think so." Perhaps it was unwise of me to blurt that out, but alas, that cannot be taken back.

 

Basically, there are issues about myself, financial, job dissatisfaction, physical health, etc, that I have been complacent about. She is scared to sign up for the long term with someone who seems scared to make personal improvements that HE HIMSELF has often talked about changing.

 

She asked for time, and I am willing to give it to her, even though it is like dying every minute of everyday. I wrote a long letter, describing how I thought I recognized the issues she had, that this was a wake-up call like I've never had, that I loved her and wanted her and it was tearing my heart out that I might lose her because I had been complacent and perhaps took us for granted.

 

I told her I clearly needed to make some changes for me, but that I WANTED to make them for us. I dropped this letter off, with flowers, at her appartment. I know she got it.

 

It's frustrating because she hasn't wanted to talk. I suppose she feels she has been talking to the wall, but I tried to make it clear that I was actually listening now, and that I was so sorry it took this crisis to make me hear.

 

So, should I just shut up and move on? Or are there real-life Hollywood endings?

 

Thanks.

[PrincessLinzay]

That's a good question. Im not really sure if they happen in the "Hollywood" way, but people getting back together after a breakup is certainly not unheard of. I know that half the people in here would absalutely LOVE to have a letter and flowers hand delivered to them by an ex, telling them that they would change and want to change for the relationship. Ahhhh.

 

I would say if you still don't get a response out of her, just leave if for a little bit. Let her come around in her own time.

 

I guess what Im trying to say in response to your question is yes, people get back together after a breakup. Maybe not in your typical movie way, but it does happen. It's not unhealthy to want your ex back, there are plenty of people here going through the exact same thing. Keep your chin up, your heart will know if and when it's time to move on.

[zab]

this really isnt gonna help u at all but can i just say...everything u have said is exactly what im going through aswel and im in the same boat as u...im twisted as 1 side of me is telling me 2 move but on the other side i wanna break down n cry (yes usher-burn lol) im absolutley dying without her, u neva realise how much you love them before they are gone, i want to try again and do what she needs me to do but as urz duznt, mine doesnt wanna talk to me either yet, she needs time now but im also scared of losing her.....ur lucky u can go 2 her apartment easily...mine lives like over 100miles away but i love her more then life...this reply is just to let u know ur not alone in this, lots of us are going through this..if u need 2 chat then pm me or add me 2 aim or msn (i use msn more)

 

Zab

[DopeStar]

The two of you need to move on, stop calling, stop pleading, stop everything you are doing for those girls and move on. Its the only way that she will come back, its the only way youll get over her. Lose her address, her phone number, her name, her image from you mind, get rid of all of it and move on. The only way she will miss you again and want you back is for you to ignore her as if she doesnt exist, when she does call you dont answer the phone but call her back the next day or atleast a few hours later.

 

You have to stop trying to contact her imediately. It will work I swear.

[hockeyboy]

The only way she will miss you again and want you back is for you to ignore her as if she doesnt exist, when she does call you dont answer the phone but call her back the next day or atleast a few hours later.

 

You have to stop trying to contact her imediately. It will work I swear.

 

its true. as soon as i did this with my ex she came running.

[Wimpy]

Hang on. Let me answer from a female perspective. Don't you know that what women SAY and what they MEAN are exactly the opposite. I know it drives men wild with frustration but it's the way we are programmed! I'm going through a really similar situation with my man but we're still friends but not going out anymore. I want him back - never wanted to stop seeing him - he's feeling a bit scared by the whole "committment" thing so I've backed off big-time.

Anyway unless your g/f is the opposite of every woman I know she won't want you to stop contact. I think the letter and flowers were lovely. Depending on how long ago they were another little note to say you're still giving her time can't hurt.

How much do you really want her? If you really want her back don't give up - don't stalk her but don't drop off the planet - she'll assume you don't really care.

Of course there are around 3 billion other women in the world so I might be way off the mark here.

Just my opinion.

Hope it all works out for you.

[sasha12]

I'm just wondering the reason for the breakup? Could you tell us? It sounds like she is really mad at you about something, maybe it can be resolved. maybe we can help you.

[jmh1216]

Keep your chin up, your heart will know if and when it's time to move on.

 

I really like that. But what if it's been three years or more and your heart still tells you not to give up. Should you listen to it?

 

What are the *benefits* of listening to your heart, anyway?

[SugarNSpice]

I don't know if this will help but I can only speak from my previous experiences. If you really want to get this woman back, you need to back off for a while. I don't mean that you should have no contact at all... but you do need to tone it down a bit and focus on yourself. When my ex and I broke up, I really believed that I wanted it to be over. He kept asking me if I would consider getting back together, but I wasn't ready to be with him if nothing had changed. After a while, he accepted it and started focusing on his own life... he got a new job, a new apartment, and started spending more time with his friends. We still saw each other every now and then, and after a while (about 6 months), I started to see the guy I'd fallen in love with again.. the happy, confident guy I used to know. Once the pleading and begging went away, I didn't feel pressured anymore. And yes, I wanted to be with him again.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't have the happy ending I wanted We got back together for a couple of months but it seems I wasn't the only one who started appreciating him... he has someone else in his life now and I'm working on getting over him this time. I do think that he handled our situation brilliantly and that is what made me want him back... He gave me time and space and worked on making himself happy, which ultimately made him very attractive to not only me, but other women as well.

 

Good luck!

[Break up Veteran]

Wimpy,

 

I response to what you said in your post does that always apply?

 

Don't you know that what women SAY and what they MEAN are exactly the opposite. I know it drives men wild with frustration but it's the way we are programmed!

 

So if an ex says I still love you and miss you this means I don't love you anymore and I don't miss you?

 

When they say I still want to see you as a friend it means I want to see you as a lover or I don't want to see you again?

 

If they say I enjoy being with you, it means I hate being with you?

 

Also I would have thought from experience that it is rather what women do rather than what they say.

 

If they say I have no interest in you but keep calling you and wanting to see you, that is where the opposite rule applies. They obviously want to be with you.

 

If they say they have no romantic interest in you but flirt madly and act very affectionate what does that say?

 

Even then it is not straight forward as emotions play a large role in what women do. Decisions are regularly based on emotions and then justified with strange logic 'I couldn't help myself' or 'it just happened'.

 

Don't get me wrong this is not to say it is wrong per say. That is just how it is.

 

Feel free to tear my views apart...