2 steps forward..and 4 back...

[brokenhearted1]

It's been a little over a week since I talked really to my now ex. Sometimes I feel like I am making progress...it seems like I am doing better, and then all of a sudden I feel awful and cry uncontrollably. It feels like my insides are being torn apart. I thought that he would be the one I'd settle down with and spend my life with...and now all of that has shattered apart. My heart hurts. I want to talk to him...but I know I shouldn't.

 

Sometimes I feel trapped inside my own body, and I don't know what to do with myself.

 

I wonder if he cares...if he ever cared...if he misses me too, if he hurts at all or feels sorry truly sorry for what he ever did. I miss my companion...I miss my company. I hate checking my phone and not seeing any messages from him...I miss him telling me how he loves and misses me. I love him...this is so hard. I know deep down that I am better off, and I can do better, but even still....

 

I'm lost without him....

 

I am ready to feel better.

[Svintus]

Most of us, if not all here, know exactly what you're feeling this very minute.

The first weeks are super-difficult.

Eventually you start making progress and all of a sudden feel horrible for a couple-three days again.

But then those good intervals become longer and longer.

Then you start smiling.

One day you will realize that he hasn't even entered your mind for the whole hour.

And you won't be hit with very painful dark thoughts immediately after you wake up in the morning.

Just give it time and NC.

True NC.

Make yourself unavailable to him completely.

And don't even think about looking for anything related to him online.

Stop any contact with mutual friends.

 

This is the only way.

[SooSad33]

(((((((Hugs)))))))) I KNOW exactly how you're feeling and you will keep getting these feelings for a while, sorry to say.

I still have them, a little less but still, after 3 months. It's like everything else, emotionally comes in 'waves'.

It is so awful, I know. The total emptiness and how alone you feel. Where you saw this person in your future and then suddenly- gone!? That's it?

Shock.. denial...hurt/pain..loss..'try' to accept. Going to take a while.

 

Take some deep breathes.. go make a tea, get yourself away from the negative thoughts your sitting with right now.

Get few breathes of air. Try again...IF it gets to be too much.. talk to your Dr about something for anxiety?

I woke up every night for weeks with panic attacks. Still get them cpl months later, just not as strong now.

 

We here, do understand how hard this is.. Take care of you, Broken.

[brokenhearted1]

ty everyone I may talk to a psychiatrist about my not being able to sleep at night. I feel so dang exhausted...

[Svintus]

ty everyone I may talk to a psychiatrist about my not being able to sleep at night. I feel so dang exhausted...

 

Yes. Good idea.

And please try to explain exactly what you feel.

In these situations many people start getting severe anxiety attacks.

[bwhite00]

I am there with you. I actually texted my EX before this last EX and apologized for what I put her through (I.e. complete and utter heart-break) two years after the fact because now I know what it's like and she deserved better.

[brokenhearted1]

I am there with you. I actually texted my EX before this last EX and apologized for what I put her through (I.e. complete and utter heart-break) two years after the fact because now I know what it's like and she deserved better.

It was really big of you to do that...I've had people apologize a loooong time after the fact, and it did mean a lot...

[SooSad33]

Broken- you may want to see your dr and ask about something for anxiety? I think you may need this for a while, until you and your emotions can come back down to something half normal.

I've been on ;Cipralex' for last 2 mos. it's okay.

 

TC

[Tinkie9901]

Broken what you are feeling is normal... and it sucks.. a lot... you are grieving the death of your relationship and we don't get prepared with how to deal with that as we grow up. I had an amicable split with my most recent ex, we loved each other but knew it wasn't working and never would for all the many reasons that life throws at you. And for the first few months I couldn't even look at him without crying (which seeing as we worked at the same place was unavoidable). I went on a course of anti-depressants/anti-anxiety tablets and really thought I would never find a way out of the black hole I was in.

 

But it got better, and it wasn't overnight, and it was a slow build where one day I realised that I was happy with my life, I still missed him, but the happiness in my life outweighed the sadness of losing him.

 

It's hard... but it heals... in its own time, you can help it along by keeping busy, but not avoiding dealing with the feelings and find ways to love yourself and the life you have. That love you build for yourself and your life will begin to cancel out that pain. You will have setbacks... but you will survive. Best thing I did was put a sign on my bathroom mirror "you only have to worry about today".