Backtracking or Finally Feeling the True Effects?

[jbdk]

So it's been nearly two months since the relationship ended. It was mostly on her part; I told her my demands in the relationship that we needed to work on such as turning the LDR into a real relationship, trying to be more open with each other, and working on making sex comfortable for us since she always seemed apathetic or even scared of it. I didn't initiate the breakup at all, but I have a feeling these demands may have sparked her to do so.

 

Anyway, the first few days I was completely fine. Then the anxiety kicked in for a solid month, but I was not depressed nor was I reclusive in any way. I started to get better. She wrote me a small message saying that she received a thank you card I sent to her mother for irrelevant reasons a few days before the breakup. I responded only thanking her mother again. I felt good a few weeks later and wrote to her to see how she was. She responded nearly a week later answering a few of my questions but never really told me how she was. I was shocked she responded even if it was flat and didn't offer much about her. This really didn't affect me too much I feel. I didn't respond.

 

So it's been around two weeks after I got her message and it's just been a downward spiral. I'm not thinking about the message really, just using it as a marking point for the sake of the story. I don't know what's going on though because before I was in much better shape and now the anxiety has returned nearly to full steam, I'm not sleeping more than 4 hours a night again, and I'm started to feel somewhat depressed. Sometimes I would have these dips, but eventually it would return to the current status quo. It's been 4 days and I've been consistently down and anxious. It's starting to get irrational at this point I think. She's not even real in my life anymore, just a memory. Maybe it's making me idolize and idealize her. I really don't know. I read something about men during breakups feel great at first and then eventually start to hurt. Perhaps that's me.

 

I don't know really. Days after the breakup, I moved accross the country where the only people I know are elderly family members with whom I can't share this stuff. At first it was exhilarating, but now I'm growing into this place and it's starting to get lonely. I try to get out as much as possible, meet people, make friends, work out, etc., but it really isn't much of a distracting. It's pretty hard at this current moment and I'm somewhat ashamed of my regression, but I think I'm just looking for some face to face support rather than only calling a few friends. Sorry about the length, I guess I needed to rant more than I thought.

[SooSad33]

Don't be ashamed.. you're human and you've had a 'loss'. If you're wondering about your 'state of being' and feel things are getting too overhwhelming, go see a dr. you can maybe get something for this 'anxiety' you're feeling and counseling if this continues?

I'm not sure as to 'how' things like this differ male to female? With how soon it 'hits' you. I wish i could understand about that stuff too? I'm sure you will hear from some 'men' here, soon.

One day at a time... I am dealing with a loss of 5 yrs. I understand loss & pain.

Work on taking care of YOU though... eat/get your rest. etc Good you're getting 'out n about'.

[SooSad33]

Also, since you two have parted ways, i suggest do NOT continue contact. For YOU to heal now, you don't need these little contacts anymore. You have to 'let it go', so you can move on.

Best way is NC. You'll learn a lot on that on here.