G-Friend broke up with me, want her back, please help

[motopilote]

Well i d'ont think telling him about Hiv is a good idear. I was perfectly happy before i meet this girl, worked for myself, had many friends, money, hobies, ect, i was so happy i though i should have apartner to share all that with, so i joined link removed, and meet Debbie. Over a year togheter, shared everthing with her, told her things about me no one knows, i mean i shared it all, she told me last april i should opent up and let her in my heart, she said it was creating problems, ect,ect, so i did, and here is my reward. AAAARRRGGG. I, do not wish her any harm, i love her too much, i wanted to grow old with her, and still do,but i hope she comes back one day, who knows. It is hard to have all your dreams crushed and taken away and then all your friends can say is learn from it or give it time, very frustating.I just d'ont know what to do. I have been so miserable, tired of feeling bad everyday and minute, i have had a battle in my head, i use to be a intravenous drug user, a long time ago, and now i crave it, everyday, first time in 12 years, that is where i am. At leats when you do that, you feel no more pain, you actually feel good, talk about an instant relief. I wish i had never,never meet her, if i could do it all again. I d'ont understand how you just drop someone like a turd? I really d'ont. I did not do anything wrong.Why me? It's not fair, and unjust. Something needs to change....God or whatever needs to come trough for me, not in 6 months, now

[ebola316]

I know- the advise such as 'its a learning experience'' or you'll grow from this" doesn't help me either. Try not to do anything drastic though,since the only way we are going to come out of this is either alive or dead. Even though I feel like crap now, I think I may still want to live. So when you get those thoughts in your head, just try to tell yourself you've got to make it until tomorrow. And then when tomorrow comes, we'll have to find a way through it too. It all seems so hopeless and useless. I was thinking of asking the doctor for valium or Xanax at least so I could get some sleep. Maybe you could look into that too. It really is amazing how they could just drop us like a turd. It leads me to believe they didn't really care about us that much all along, if it was so easy for them to walk away. Like I said, don't do anything drastic-when those thoughts come into your head, come here and talk. I know it doesn't help much, but it's better than nothing. I'm usually on here all the time, since I don't sleep [or eat, or shower,for that matter] anymore.

Talk to you soon

[motopilote]

Yeah i really d'ont get it how you just drop people like that. The sayings from people really iritate me. You should shower, i do that.But just not hungry much anymore, i eat once a day and half of what i use to eat. As for the craving i have, it is my brain telling me it is releaf, you know, i am not sure if i want to bo back down that road, but, dam, something had to change, iswear it is intsant releif. My physcologyst, i have one now thanks to my ex, and also a therapyst, put me on Zoloft, but it did not agree with me, tried to commit suicide and was in institution for a few days, i actually liked being in there, felt safe and happy, like going back home to mom, you know. But i d'ont know what any off the answers are, i feel cheated, stupid, ugly, worthless, you name, i just feel like crap. When i think off wanting to feel better, first thing is drugs. I am so angry at god for letting this happen to me.What am i supossed to learn from all this crap..a stupid advice that is.Off course it is easy to sit and give when you are at home with your wife and girlfriend and everthing is ok, i just happen to be the one on the other side of the line whose world has ended and dreams got crushed, so what to say.

[motopilote]

really, i miss her so much....god help me

[motopilote]

here is the thing i d'ont get, when she was breaking up with me she was telling me I love you.WTF? I d'ont get it. Everyone has told me if she did i would not be in this situation right now, and i think they are right, as painfull as it is, she just used me i guess, or did not mean it. I told her i wanted mary her, that is saying to someone" I will be there for your friend, i will nuture you, i will be your friend, i will love you, I will share my life with you' and, well i guess i was not good enought. I any case she will regret it, many, many, ex girlfriends call me back later and say i messed up, please blah blah, but then it is too late.I have been maried twice, and i never felt like this about them, i mean, in my heart i know she is the one, you know? what the hell am i to do? i feel like my heart just got riped out and trown in the trash. How will i ever trust anyone else?or let them in my life. Man i am to old for this crap. I am tired of starting over. I just want to not feel any pain anymoreand i am tired of missing her. What am i suposed to do? wait? go on? I really feel like my life just stoped dead in it's track you know. and then i think of her being on dates and being with another, that just rips my soull. how can it be that easy? I know she is out having a good time. and me, well i am just trying to live one day at a time, and mostly one hour at a time. i lost 4 jobs over this, i have a good one now, and i d'ont want to loose it,my bills are a disaster, like my life

[ebola316]

Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Had to take my dogs out in the frozen woods for a walk.

 

Zoloft is no good for a situation like this. It takes weeks to work, and it can also have bad side-effects. It made me go to the bathroom all the time. I think a mild sedative would help more.

 

I just got finished unplugging my phone and turning off the cell, so I won't have to listen to one of his inane, buddy-buddy conversations again tonight. How are you going to call me, after what you did and talk about the weather, and his nephews birthday and things like that, after what you just did to me?

 

Right now. I'm not working. I had plenty of money too until this guy convinced me to buy the house that I'm a prisoner in now. If I had a job, I wouldn't be able to keep it now anyway. I sleep maybe 2 hours at a time- with the dog, and the light and TV on and then wake up to more misery.

 

Like I said - Don't do anything drastic. It's not going to help you to get stoned, because when you come out of it, it's still going to hurt. Its a vicous cycle. And if they don't stop with these stupid Christmas

Carols, i'm going to break the radio. We only get one station up here, and that is all they play.

 

Try to take some solace in the fact that there is someone just as miserable as you are out there tonight. Like I said, lets just take it day by day. Minute by minute if we have to.

 

Donna

[motopilote]

Well i am sorry about your situation, i have found in the last 2 months, the only thing that helps is to talk about it, you know, that is all i can talk about, make me wonder if i am crazy or have a fixation. So i guess i have bored all my friends or i just feel like they d'ont understand. I have been hanging out with my brother, he is getting a divorce, so whe tal a lot, plus i get music of the internet. As far a sleep goes, i go to sleep when my eyes close, i guess from exaution, and then i wake 2 or 3 times in midle of night, sometimes i think she is next to me in bed, but i am asleep.I d'ont have any answers. I'm all out.How long did you go out with this guy? I know what you mean about the phone calls she called me from a trip she took to ge see some friends of ours, to tell me about theyr appartment and how much fun she was having, ect,ect... i c'ould not believe it, i was on the phone crying, i d'int even cried when my mom died, i just c'ould not believe it. The worst thing about a broken heart, it does not kill you, and when you really think about it , it should.

[ebola316]

We lived together for about 2 years, first in Florida and then up here in NY for the last 10 months. I don't know how they could think that we would want to talk to them about anything like a friends apartment or his nephews birthday.

 

Don't they realize what they did to us? Do they really think we can be their buddy after all this. What are we supposed to say to them. " Oh it's ok- you almost killed me physically and emotionally, but I love chatting with you" That leads me more to believe they didn't care all along, because how can they switch from "I love you" to "How's the weather by you" in the blink of an eye? Don't they have any feelings at all? I wouldn't treat my dog like that.

 

I've just about exausted my friends on the phone. Anyway, they give me the same old advise-learning experience, building character crap. One friend calls me every morning and recites to me why I'm better off without him. I feel better till we get off the phone and then thats it. My brain goes running amok again. I don't know, maybe we are going nuts. I would like to think we're not, but who knows.

[motopilote]

Maybe you are right about them not caring, i just have a hard time acepting that, i think about all the things she told me about how she felt about us, and then over night, c ya. I know i have exausted my friends, when i talk to them, they say you still on that, why? ect,ect and i'm like hey man that is how i feel, and that is it.i d'ont know if i will get over it, i get the same advice as you get from friends. How long ago did you break up?I am trying to go on, but i have a really hard time giving up, i am a leo and i hate loosing, and not getting what i want kills me. Well at least i found this site, and i am enjoying this conversation. Man i miss her. I am so tired, i c'ant keep my eyes open, but i d'ont want to go to sleep, listeneing to music, it helps a lot. I am hopeless about what to do, and to be honest, i am stuck, feel like everthing stoped

[ebola316]

We've only been broken up for a week. Two days after Thanksgiving, he announced that things weren't working out, called his sister to pick him up and walked out the door. My crying, pleading didn't change a damn thing.

 

How can I think all those things he told me in the past are credible, when he just got up and walked out the door? He came back Friday to pick up the rest of his stuff, and I started my crying, pleading again and it had no effect at all. I did end up in bed with him. And after that, he got up and walked out the door

 

The night after that he called me, and I asked him how he could be so insensitive to make love to me and act like nothing happened. His answer was " You wanted it, didn't you? After that, I felt like you said-cheap, used, rotten. Thats why I have the phone off the hook. I know I couldn't treat anyone that way, so I just have to surmise that they didn't care the way we did. You can't turn love on and off like a faucet. But yet, they found it so easy. How can they claim they ever cared when it was so damn easy for them to walk away?

[motopilote]

Well i think you have to face it, it is over, i am just saying that to help you, d'ont get mad at me. Last time i saw my girlfriend, whe had agreed, whe would just hang out and have some wine and cheese, but had agreed no kissing or anything like that. so i went to her house, i mean my old house, and whe were just hanging out, and talking about everthing but our situation, then eventually whe started to talk about us, and it was killing me to hear her say it was over so i told her i am going to go home i could not do this, then she got up and came and sat on my lap and started kissing me telling me how much she loved me and stuff, long story short i stayed the night, had sex with her several times, and then in morning she said nothing as changed, whe not back togheter, i was like how could you do this to me, it hurt so bad, still does, i could not believe my ears,a week later i was in institution. I just fliped, and i think Zoloft had something to do with it..i asked her why she did that she said she felt sorry for me. I agree with you, you just d'ont turn off feelings like a faucet, it did not take an hour to get here, it's not going to take an hour to get out. Sounds like you have gotten done the same way as me, and i am going to tell you this, move on now and turn it off, but coming from me it's not worth anything, i miss her more everyday.Trust me i beged, pleaded everthing you can imagine, even took her on airplane ride over the city, in by plane, nothing, nothing, nothing. Did email where i poored my heart out like never before, nothing, nothing. How do you turn off feelings like that, in a blink off an eye? I want to know the trick so i can use it now. I want her back now!!! as for you if you want him back, ignore him,if he does not come back move on. go out on dates. anything. a hobby. thatis what iam doing.or triyng to do. Sometimes i miss her so much, i c'ant breathe. why did this happen to us? are we crazy?

[ebola316]

He was talking the same way to me that day. So nonchalantly, like oh I'll take this, you can keep that, like it didn't bother him in the least. After we made love, he said ' Do you know how much I missed this Pillow" I said "Are you going to take that too?'" He says "yeah -why not, you don't need it." He even asked if I was going to move back to Florida now that we'd broken up-after he'd dragged me up here in the first place. I figured sleeping with him would maybe make him have second thoughts about breaking up, but it didn't faze him in the least. I guess the best thing we can do after people hurt us like this is don't speak to them, and certainly don't sleep with them. Believe me, if I didn't have kids, I would consider checking myself into the nuthouse for a couple of days if it would help, but thats not an option right now. I don't know how they really expect us to be able to be friends with them after all this. He said to me "I hope we'll be friends for the next 50 years" At that point I just felt like killing him, but kept my mouth shut. I am tired now too, but I've drunk so much coffee I feel like some wired psycho right now. At this point, I'll just settle for making it through the night.

[motopilote]

Well it sounds like my story. She just acted the next day like no big deal, you need to take your clothe home, ect,ect. I gave her everthing she ever bought me, and left her everthing i bought her. I am a carpenter, i had made her a wooden chest with carving and stuff, finished it and all, took me 2 weeks, she asked if i wanted to take it, i said no i built it for you, when i give i give i d'ont take back. Being in the institution helped me a lot at the time, it did not bring her back in my life. How can you just turn off the feelings like that. I d'ont get it. I want my girlfriend back, i want her back in my life, i want my life back, and i want the future i had planed, i want my life back!!!! now. Maybe she will call me tomorow, maybe i can get her back if i am her friend. Do you think it is worth it? I hope i can do it. God help me,please, for once do something for me and give me the one thing i want. Can you do that for me god? For once? I would go back to florida if i was you. Sel the house and go, i am so tired, c'ant sleep, d'ont want to. ....The holyday make this worst, man this is awfull...how am i supossed to go on?

[ebola316]

Think of my situation. I am sitting here listening to "Jingle Bells" on the radio. In a big house in the middle of nowhere, where I know noone, and have nothing to do. I don't think being their friend to try to get them back will work. If we try to be their friends with intentions of getting them back, and then we find out that a friendship is all they want, we will be doubly devastated. That's why I rejected this friend thing with him. That's why I have the phones disconnected. I think if he calls with his buddy-buddy voice again I will go nuts. I'm planning on moving back after the kids get out of school this summer. I've been so busy moving, trying to please him this year, that my kids have been in 3 different schools this year. I'm going to have to stick it out here for the winter, whether I like it or not. Also, since buying this house, I'm almost broke, and I don't know how long it would take to sell this place. It just gets me so mad that I was happy in Florida, and he convinced me how great it would be up here, talks me into a house that needs major work, which he said he was going to do, then leaves me here,and asks when I'm going back to Florida. Real nice Huh? Then to think about him having fun on the holidays just kills me. I thought to myself, maybe I should just go out and fool around with someone to get even, but that won't work because I'll probably feel horrible about it, he won't even find out about it, and probably wouldn't care anyway. And all 30 people here in the "Village of the Damned" would find out about it. I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better. Like I said, we have to take it minute by minute and try to make it. We have no choice. The only options we have are to sit here and take it, or go begging again and making complete asses of ourselves.

[motopilote]

I know what you mean about how you feel. All i see abd have seen for the last few weeks are happy people with their wifes and girlfriends shopping for the holidays and just having a good time, it makes me sick, really, really sick. I wanted to spend the holidays with ther and her familly, oh well. I did not just loose her, i lost common friends, and her familly, witch i happen to like very much. Sounds from your story you got used for a trip back to his home, i am sorry to say. Well last night i dreamed about her all night, makes me feel so empty and alone. I sleeped 6 hours, going to work. I do have a feeling she is going to call me today, for some reason, i hope it will not ruin my day When i think off all the crap she told me, and then i see where i am am, i just d'ont know what to think, i c'ant believe this has appened to me, and why. I c'ant wait for the holidays to be over, and spring, now it gets dark at 4:30 pm, what iam i supposed to do? Sit here and have a good time? I know you where just fine before you meet him just like i was, i really was, happy with myself, my life, who i was, i just felt great every day, all the time, and now, well i just feel like there is nothing left and like i said my life has stoped. The thing is where were a great match, and she knows it, deep down in my heart i feel like whe will be back together, but i d'ont know if i just feel like that to make myself feel better and just not loose it or what. Maybe i am crazy, i d'ont know anymore.Like i said you have your children. I wanted to have a familly with this woman. Whe had so much fun together, god help me and give me strenght to live every hour, eather bring her back or make me forget about her now. Not in 6 months. So whe are supposed to sit and take it and bear it. What the hell was the point? Are whe bad people? I d'ont think i am, and i d'ont think you are. Something has got to change or give, at this point. Screw time and all those sayings, this is my life that got messed with, and i want my life back, i d'ont know how else to say how i feel. I am sure she is just having a great time, and i d'ont think she misses me, man i feel like crap

[ebola316]

I haven't slept yet. I've been up about 40 hours straight. i guess if the navy seals can do it for 7 days, I can survive. I feel insane. I make a sandwhich, take a bite, throw it away. Have coffee, take a sip, throw it away. Lay down, five minutes later, get up. I am starting to think that maybe I got taken for a ride home too.

 

I hate seeing all the happy people in the stores too. What a lousy time of year to be in the position we are in. The weather is depressing, the season is depressing.

 

I bet you he is not losing one bit of sleep over me. Thats what gets me really mad. These people are actually enjoying themselves and not even bothering to think what they have done to us. They must be very selfish people to be able to hurt others like this and just go on with their lives as if nothing happened.

 

I even asked him on Friday, when he came for his stuff, if he would just stay until spring, because I was afraid of being alone up here, and if he stayed till then I would just move back to Florida. He said "no" but he'll come back and help me pack when I'm ready to go. Real nice huh? Sounds like he can't wait to get me out of NY.

 

And this is the man I wasted 2 years on.

[motopilote]

SHE CALLED ME, i c'ant believe it... Talked for 3 hours,3 hours. Wow. No whe not back togheter, but it was nice to talk, not sure what the outcome will be, but i told her i wanted to be friends, she said she will think about it, i apologized for a lot off things, but it was nice to clear the air and get some things staight,nothing got resolved, but it is a step, i guess. Who know what tomorow will bring. I was just happy to hear her voice. Man this is just eating up all my energy. I c'ant believe she actually called. I d'ont think i will hear from her again, might be wrong, but just a feeling i have. I miss her, she was my best friend. This blows. Tomorow might bring more or less.... I will find out i guess, unfortunately

[ebola316]

Motopilote, has she been in touch all along, or is this the first time she's been in contact? How long has it been since you last heard from her. How is she doing? Did she give you any hints about coming back? Write back and let me know.

[motopilote]

My name is Frederick. Last time i talked to her was last month, when i was in instituttion. I have mixed feelong about the conversation, not sure what it was all about. I d'ont think i will hear back from her for a while, but who knows. How are you doing? I told her i just wanted to be friends, she said no you want me back i said no, just friends, and today that is all i want, to be honest, tired of fighting it, i am moving on, but tomorow i will miss her, it was nice to talk to her, man did i miss talking. 3 hours, i c'ant believe it, it was a lucky day i guess, she very comfused about somethings i believe. Not sure what to think, i d'ont feel anything, just happy to have talked to her, but i d'ont have any hopes or ilusions, if i did i would just be disapointed anyway, i d'ont want to set myself up anyway.

[ebola316]

Hi Frederick,

I'm glad you got some kind of communication going with her. Who knows, maybe she's having second thoughts about the relationship. I still have my phone turned off. I don't want to be tempted to pick it up if he calls. Things are still too fresh, and I seem to feel worse after I talk to him. Like I said yesterday, I don't want him to call unless he's talking about coming back. I don't want to be his friend at this point. Maybe sometime far in the future, but not now. I'm glad that you feel better. I managed to get a couple of things done today {laundry, shower}. When I talk to him, I seem to backslide, so I'm gonna keep this no contact thing going for a while. That's funny, you had a feeling she would call and she did. Maybe there is some hope for the future. I was thinking today that if he did come back, would I ever be able to trust that he wouldn't do it again. Would I be walking on eggshells trying not to upset him and things like that. Do you ever think about that?

 

Donna

[motopilote]

Yes i think about that, but it does not seam in the future, so i am tryng not to think about it. If she did come back, i want it all. She told me tonight if i told you to come over you would in a heart beat, and be here in 30 minutes, i said i would have to think about, and i really would. She also said if whe meet i would want to go home with her, i said i would go home, and i would, i c'ant have a taste, i want it all. She thinks i want to be her friend to get her back, i just want to be friends and feel at least i got that out off a year, if not it really was not worht it.As far as trust goes, if she did come back i would not let her in my heart like i did, and be on my guard, but trust is something that comes back. She said for me not to call her, she said she will call me, i say ok. I am tired of fighting this loosing battle, it's sucked out everthing out off me. I miss her so much, i would give anything to be with her, and i have, there is nothing else i can do, i know that.Glad you had a shower and got some things done. It is hard isnt it? I think the older whe get, the more it hurts, do you think?I have been reading my hororscope, i am a leo, it keeps teeling me there is a reconcialation coming for me around the 21 december, i have checked several sites and they all tell me the same, but i d'ont want to get my hopes up. maybe they all wrong. They also tell me that for me to get everthing i want in love i need to take the hight road, i d'ont understand what that means

[ebola316]

Frederik, maybe it means take a different path or something. I am a Capricorn, and we also usually get what we want. We are also supposed to be very strong, but I don't know about that, because this thing really knocked me down.

 

I think I feel a tiny bit better after not speaking with him for 2 full days. The only problem is I have my phone unplugged, so noone else can get in touch with me either. I went so far as to buy a pre-paid cell, so the school will have a number to call in case the kids are sick. The only problem is the reception is so lousy in this area, I have to go outside to use it. And it's freezing outside.

 

 

I also, like you, had 2 previous marriages, and never went through something like this, even though I was with them longer than I was with him. I really don't know why this is affecting me the way it is. Maybe it's just being older, or being up here alone on the mountain.

 

I have an 18 year old daughter who lives in the city with her boyfriend, and I was laying a guilt trip on her today. I said she has a nerve leaving me up here and not caring, and all that. She told me I got myself into this, and now I have to get out of it. She never like him.

 

I think whats making it worse is this damn holiday. I say Bah! Humbug!.

To think of them at parties, having fun, maybe {probably] with people of the opposite sex kills me.

 

And as usual, the nights are the worst . Let me know what you think.

 

Donna

[motopilote]

Hey Donna. This took my breath away, like never before, like i said i did not feel like that about my ex wifes and i too whas with them longer the her, this really knocked me on my but. I am sorry you are alone, during the holidays, but so am i, even though i have a sister and a brother, nothing makes it better. Maybe you should go see your daughter, it might help. I just try to stay bussy, when i am not bussy, i slide down that road, and i just d'ont want to anymore. I miss her so much, but half the time i say to myself i d'ont want her back, and the other half i want her back. Maybe i am crazy. As for the holidays, i think to myself what holidays, they d'ont exist for me, so screw the holidays and all that, the hell with it. I d'ont know if you know Leo's but whe hate loosing, and i think in this case i need to surender and let it be, for my sake. If she changes her mind i will be here, i will not contact her, i have said all i could, and to be honest it is taking a toll on me, when i look in the miror, i see a sad person who has not laughted in 2 months or smiled, my world just cave in just like that. I take it one hour at a time, and sometimes an minute at a time. The past does not matter, tomorow does not exist, only thing that is real is right now. I feel very old and just worn out and so tired, but i c'ant rest, because when i rest i think and that is not good, so i go to sleep when i am exausted, you know. time heals i guess, it will take me a year or longer, i d'ont know, i d'ont have any plans, just trying to work and keep my job. I hate loosing and not getting what i want. I have no problem meeting other woman, just want that one. Very frustating. I am a good person, honest and giving, i d'ont hold back, and i am dedicated, maybe someone will find that important one day. I am sure you are a good person too, it makes me wonder why this crap happened to us, is it because whe are too nice? As for the nights, i wish she was cuddled up with me like we use to, but she is not, reality is here and it is very painfull. I am going to go on dates, maybe that will help, i d'ont see another solution, i have waited long enought, d'ont you think? I just need to pick it up one piece at a time, and i feel like that is what i am doing, and i slide back very often, maybe one day i will not. I have not talked to my friends in weeks and i really d'ont have anything to say to them, the whole thing makes me feel like i am repeating myself, you know. So what else can i say, nothing had changed. I just go to my brothers and talk to him and download music, that keeps me bussy, the i come home, and crash out exausted. That is what i do. I almost stayed home tonight, but felt that slide coming, so i left. I am so tired physicly and emotionaly and in my brain, just so tired, i wish it will change. I will not contact her and respect her wish, this is what she wanted. I did not have a say in any off it. So if i hang out with another woman, maybe i will forget about her and the pain will go away, and i will feel better about myself and who i am.This whole thing has taken a toll on my heatlh and everthing else, i can feel it. But it does not matter, who know what tomorow will bring us. This web site and talking to you also helps a lot. But at the end off the day, nothing had changed, still in same old situation

[ebola316]

Frederick, I kind of stopped bothering my friends too. I feel the same, I'm repeating the same thing over and over to them, like a tape recorder, and they must be sick of me. I would be.

 

As for going to the city for the holidays, I'll have to wait and see. It already snowed up here today. And once its winter up here, you're usually stuck, unless you have nerves of steel.

 

On Thanksgiving night, I had to drive home from his sisters, and he couldn't help because he was too drunk, it was scary. The road was icy, I couldn't see through the fog. The end of a perfect day.

 

I said to myself, if I can get through Christmas and New Years sitting here alone, I will be able to get through anything else that comes along in my life. If we can get through this holiday, I think we will be doing better. It's a bad time of year to be alone.

 

I don't want to drink this year, because if I drink when I'm depressed, I may do something stupid like call him, or even worse, go over there. So I'm going to stick to coffee. The urge tell him off has been strong. Thats another reason I have the phone off.

 

He made sure he took everything, right down to the extension cord for my bedroom lamp. I haven't slept in there anyway since he left. It's too hard, so when I sleep which is very little, I sleep on the couch.

 

Where is your ex living. Is it close. I'm glad he's over 100 miles away. I think it makes it easier.

 

Donna

[motopilote]

It is a hard time to be alones, but what else can we do. I still c'ant believe she called me, maybe she will call me again, She did say a couple off things witch makes me things she might have dought, but time will tell. She lives about 20 minutes away from me, and when i go to tow, i see all the places whe went out at, it is crushing, we went out all the time. i think you are right about getting through this, after, other things wont seam as big. Off course New Years wont be easy, last year we went out dancing and had a great time. This really sucks. maybe if i ignore her she will come back. I still think whe belong together, maybe i am being selfish. One hour at a time for me, today and tomorow. This had been the hardest thing ever. I miss her everyday. I think she might have cried on the phone, she said she was not, but i dought it. I always hope she will call me and say she wants to be with me, but it has been 2 months. I hope my horoscope is right.