G-Friend broke up with me, want her back, please help

[motopilote]

Hello. My g-friend, witch i dated for a year, broke up with me in bigening of October. She gave me many reasons why, each time a different one, but she said many times she did not feel commited to the relationship, and said when she saw other couples, she did not see us like them. However, whe had a beautifull relationship, it was wonderful, and i have to say i wanted to spend my life with her, never felt like this about anyone, ever. So she broke up with me, even told me she wanted to break up in july, but at same time took me home to meet her familly. I love her so much, wrote her poems, flowers, you name it, but she said it was not enought. Last time i saw her in October, whe had agreed to hang out, and also agreed that whe would not kiss or anything like that. SO i was hanging out with her, and decided i should go, it was way to hard for me. So i told her i am going to leave, and then she got up and came and sat in my lap and told me how much she loved me and kissing me and all that. So i stayed the night, but in morning she said nothing had changed. I was crushed, and left feeling worse. Later on that week i sufered a real bad depression, one that took me to the hospital for several days and an institution for another 3. She called me while i was in there, that was the last time i talked to her, i had to get off the phone, and even thought she said she could not be with me, she loved me. Last thing she said before i hung up was i love you, i said whatever. I have not talked to her since, and she totally closed the door on me, even thought she said she wanted to be friends. I did not only loose her, i lost our friiends, common friends whe had as a couple, and her familly witch is dear to me. I have comunicated with her via email for other things, about airline faires whe had purchased, but got very dry and callous replys. I d'ont know what i did wrong and what i did to be treated like this by anyone, i am a good and loving person.Thing is is miss her so much everyday, and think about her, she was my best friend and my partner. This is the hardest break up i have ever had. I tried to call her several times, but no answer and i did email her 3 or 4 times to tell her how i felt about us and our relationship, whe were a perfect match, believe me. I dont know how to get her back, everday i fight the urge to call her, people have told me to let her miss me or call me and quit insisting and go on with my life, but it breaks my heart evertime i think off going on without this person as my lover. She tols me so mainy things while whe were going out, that realisticly whe should be making plans to get maried right now, not this. I d'ont know what to do and how to do it...must i ignore her complitlly for her to get back interest in me or just go on, man this is very hard and comfusing...please, give me advice on what to do, it is killing my heart...

thank you

[melrich]

Hi,

 

Unfortunately there is not much you can do. She no longer wants a relationship with you and obviously whilst you thought everything was perfect, she did not. You have to accept that and try as best you can to get on with your life.

 

If I could giove you a bit of advice. Reading between the lines of your post you sound a bit unhealthily obsessive about this relationship and that may be what she is pulling away from. Being in love is a great feeling but you must be wary of investing your whole life into the relationship and one person. See if you can find some new interests and try to get some balance into your life for the future. Good luck.

[motopilote]

Hi thanks for the reply. No, im not obsevive about the relationship, i have been out on several dates since, but i did/do feel like this one is/was the One. What else for me to do, but not contact her i guess. I do have hobbies, i race superbike 750cc class in club, so that takes my mind off things, but it has been hard to go on. The depression i had whas not all about her, i did burry my farther 4 years ago and my mom 2 years ago, and a daughter 10 years ago, i do feel like i have gone trough a lot, and i believe she was the frosting on the cake. I wish i had never meet her, to be honest, i was perfectly happy before i meet her, and had lots of diferent g-friends. I just felt it was time to settle down, and i remenber her saying to me this spring i should oppen up my heart and feelings to her, well, i did, and i guees this is what iget. What a waste off time.Is NC really the best? Does it work?

[Double J]

Yeah, I think NC would be the best option for you right now. If you resort to staying "friends" it's only going to heighten these feelings of depression, loneliness, and sadness. Trust me, I know it's hard, but if you get your mind off of her and become absorbed in your work and activities, eventually you'll start to forget her as impossible as it seems right now. Keep dating other girls and you'll meet at least one that will turn you in another direction.

[kalshane]

I agree with the others. Life never puts us in situations we can't handle. We get by with a little help from our friends and family.

[motopilote]

Well, this really sucks, i have to say, never imagined i would be in this situation last year. She said whe could be friends....PFFF...why? i really d'ont want to hear about her dates and stuff... Really i could have spent the year with someone who would have not put me in this situation, or waisted my time. I the end i feel foolish and used, and stupid for letting my guard down... maybe i am turning bitter, but. who needs this crap in their life..unfortunately i know she will call me eventually to say she messed up, they all do, without sounding arogant, but the question i wonder about today is who i go back, i c'ant do this to myself, and if this is the hand i got dealt, then surely a full house is coming up..of course my race bikes help me deal with anger and the other feelings, nothing like a good 170 mph to put things back in their place. The question i keep wondering about and would love to know the answer is why did this happen to me and how? i am tired of people telling me to learn from it, or it will make you stronger, it is very irritating

[kalshane]

The truth has a way of being irritating at times I guess... Part of me thinks that this thing just happens and you deal. The other part of me thinks this happens because we fail to pay attention to little red flags that sometimes come up in the beginning of a relationship. You're special, but you're not that special, bro. This crap happens to the best of us. One day it will be a distant memory.

[motopilote]

Yeah well it does not make things easier or better. unfortunately for me, and this is the part that really gets me, is it will take a while to recover, and be able to be in a relationship. That just blows, again it was a waste of my time.. am i angry..? yes at times, and also p****d off. Only thing that keeps me possitive is i d'ont know what the future holds for, and that gives me anxiaty, i had my life planed out, and now i have to re-plan my life for just me, a task that is not easy and takes time..everthing takes time....i hate time..it is infuriating

[motopilote]

man i miss her and what we had

[kalshane]

I'm kinda goin thru the same thing. Time. I'm freakin 30! It will probably be a while before I meet someone I'm actually into again. I went 5 years without a girlfriend before I met her. I dated, but I can't tolerate some women and the games they play. I'm picky and somewhat fickle. I never thought I'd say it, but I wanna settle down and chill with one woman! Now I gotta start all over. In a way it's exciting, but in a way it p@#$%sses me off!!!

[motopilote]

Yeah, well i am 35 and i have been with many woman, and never felt like this ever about any off them, even my 2 ex wifes..i wanted to have a familly with this one, i know she is the one, still do, this sucks.I wonder if she misses me or think about me...I am very picky too, and it is hard for me to find someone i want to be with, i mean meeting women is not a problem, just one i want to be with is, one that has education and knowledge, one you can talk too about anything and everthing...i feel it will take me a long time to find another. Really, i just want this one back, but i d'ont know how i can do it, i hate it....it hurts everday, and it has been 2 months, i miss her more and more, in fact i went on date last night, and it made me miss her so much. I d'ont know, but i know this awfull

[shabazz]

ok, look to be completely, honest, this sounds like me and the guy I dated for five years. I all of a sudden one day just said and thought to myself to him, too that we do not look like other couples do, but rather look like best friends. We were best friends, but I still wanted us to look like everyone else did. Not too much PDA, but you know a kiss here and there. She has to still love you because a part of me still loves my old boyfriend. Now, if she has broken up with you because of someone else then she will eventually come back to you as either a good friend or as a lover. I realize you miss her, but honestly you have to leave her alone. If you really love her and care for her, and have told her how you feel... all you can do now is wait and let time take its course and see how she truly feels about you. In the end, she either will truly love you or not. I know that is hard, because believe me I have just gone through a hard relationship breakup too, but everything happens for a reason and if she has not showed any attention to you lately and responded not too nicely to your emails then she really does not care for you right now. Eventually, she either will or not. I hope this helps. There is someone out there for you... hang in there...

[motopilote]

Well, thanks for the info, it helps and it does not at the same time. I am leaving her alone, and i know time, time, time, but man....anyway to be honest, i c'ant be her friend, i c'ant put myself trought that, that would be just too painfull, so i really d'ont think i could do it. I guess it has to be all or nothing, i know it sounds selfish, but that is how i feel. I have nothing to loose anyway, she is not in my life with me now anyway, so why be friends, that would just prolong the situation. But thank you for the info, i appreciate it, i know there is someone out there for me, i really though i had found her..This blows...arrrggg

[miget78]

the only thing that I can tell you is going out with anyone for any substantial amount of time is not waste of that time, you grow with each realationship that you have friends, cooworkers, b-f, g-f. Hopefully you learn something from each of these people. If having such relationships with people is waste of time all of us would be sitting at home picking are noses.

You loose some you win some, you might learn something from everyone the person that you are today is closely depended on the people that you accept into your life

[motopilote]

Well, thanks for all the advice. It was weirf yesterday, i got a feeling something changed, i d'ont know how to explain it, but anyway, i dreamed about her all night last night, first time since breakup, man i feel like crap inside, i am being strong, focusing on me,ect,ect, but this is the hardestt hing ever, and unfortunately the feelings i have for her just d'ont go away, i wish i could just turn them off att his point. I know time heals,or so i'm told, but how much time, a year, 2 years, the rest off my life? What is the point of all this and why. I've never thought i would say this, but i really wish i had never meet her, if this was the outcome, it really was not worth it. I am doing my best not to think about her, but it is always there, and i have found that talking to my brother, he is going trough a divorce helps, but my other friends just d'ont understand. I pray every day for a change in something or for the outcome to change my way, but nothing happens. I have dicided not to date anyone, it seams like a waste off time and unfortunately, i feel while i go on my dates, that no one compares to her. This is the worst. It really is hard, i've had my body broken by motorcycles, and recovery whas never easy, but i always new it would heal, but for this i d'ont feel it.

[motopilote]

Well i have done a lot off thinking, and i would like some input. I decided, since it has been over 2 months, i c'ant wait anymore, i have waited for email or phone call, i have to go on with my life. It is hard to believe she d'ond want anything to do with me, i really did not do anything. I am moving on, took all those feelings and put them in a box in my heart and closed the lid, i d'ont think i can anything else, i am tired off waiting, it breaks my heart, but i really d'ont have a choice. I d'ont think she is coming back anytime soon, and if she does it might be in a few months, but i have given up hope on all that. I told myself for weeks she would come back, well now i tell myself she is not and i have to move on for my sanity. This has been the hardest breakup ever in my life. I also feel comfused, i think maybe i d'ont love her anymore because i want to move on, but what else can i do. I d'ont think my feelings have changed, just given up. I would give everthing to be with her, but if she does not want to be or does not want anything to do with me, i d'ont feel i have choice and to be honest, i did a lot off mistakes during the breakup, things i could have done diferently if i had taken a minute to think about it, but i felt like the wind got knocked out of me and my world crumbled, i have never been in a situation where i felt so helpless and could not regain control over a situation. This had been the worst experiance in my life, something i do not want to go throug again. I miss her so much, everyday and miss what we had, but if this is the way, what else can i do. To be honest, this sucks, i would still do love to be with her, but now i have to save myself, pick up the pieces and go on and close the door on her. The thing that scares me about doing that is once it is done, there is no turning back, so if, for some reason comes back in my life one day, i dought i would be interested, but i say that and i know i am fooling myself, i guess i have to convince myself about that so i can move on. All my dreams have been shatered and it really does not feel good, and unfortunately the holidays make it worst. I really, really d'ont ever want to go throught this again.Ever. It is not worth it. Anyone have any input on all this?I feel so guilty about having to move on, i really go trough so manydifferent emotions during the day. This sucks

[ebola316]

I am feeling the same way as you Motopilote. But the simple fact is that if they wanted us they'd be with us, and they're not sitting and crying over us. They are probably having a good time.

 

I think in a way you're lucky she hasn't called. Mine calls almost every day, because he wants to be friends, and this has been hard on me. I feel like I do on day one every time I get off the phone.

 

As a matter of fact, this is the first time I've had any decent food or sleep in over a week, because I've decided not to talk to him anymore. If they wanted to be with us they would, so whats the sense in agonizing over it.

I sit here and dissect every little thing he says on the phone, thinking there might be a shred of hope. I know it's easier said than done, but try to get on with your life. We can't let these people have so much power over us so that it gets to the point that we're physically and emotionally sick. believe me, we're not having that effect on them. They couldn't care less.

 

And that should be enought to make you mad. And when you're mad at them, believe or not, you don't feel half as bad.

[motopilote]

Well, i just d'ont know what else to do, i guess you are right, if they wanted to be with us, whe would not be here siting typing on this site, hard reality, and it sucks. My heart bleads everyday. So much for happy holidays, i wanted to spend them with her and her familly, i d'ont have a familly, just a brother and sister. So i have been listening to a lot of music, angry music, and that helps a lot. I have a few dates lined up for next week, and i have to say, it is nice to have someone interested in me and my life and my idears, but deep down i know it will not be the same, but i am going to try not to think about it and enjoy the dates, i c'ant wait anymore, and i really d'ont want to spend new years alone, i want to kiss someone at midnight, it just wont be her, and i think that is her loss. One day she will regret it. I am a good person, loving and loyal.So the hell with hit, i choose life, and i made a choice not to make a choice, just going to go with theflow and whatever happens. C'ant fight anymore, too tired. I have lost 15 pounds since October.

[ebola316]

Music helps-try Eminem. I also don't have any family or friends around for the holday. I moved to an isolated location because he wanted to, and then he dumps me and leaves me here. I've also lost weight-about 5 lbs in the last week.

 

Best just to try and stay as busy as you can, and knock yourself out during the day, so you'll be tired enough to fall asleep as the nights are the toughest.

 

Hang in there

[motopilote]

Eminem works, also Ntm, Arsenik, Noir desir, music from my country, i am French, from Paris. I also found Suicidal Tendencies helps a lot, old Punk band from the 80's. As for the holidays, just going to get very drunk, nothing else to do, Most off my familly is dead from old age. Oh well, C'est la vie, mec. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH. Man people suck.

[ebola316]

The way I see it is either we get over it or we go insane. At least you have some people around you. The situation I'm in that I'm in a little log cabin on top of a god-forsaken mountain. There aren't any people around for miles, and when I do go into town, everyone looks like they come from "Children of the Corn." They look at me real funny too. So I guess what I'll be doing for the holdays is the same thing I'm doing now. Sitting and watching the wallpaper peel. I don't have any family around either. I have some in NYC about 200 miles away, but getting off or on this mountain is tricky-it depends on the weather. I also have 2 kids (not his) so its not so easy to just leave. Just be thankful you have the option to be around other human beings at least. I know it really doesn't help much, because whether you're in a roomful of people, or sitting alone, the pain is still there.

[motopilote]

Where the hell are you? I use to live in NYC, and Connecticut. How old are you? If i was you i would leave, sounds awfull.I just have been working, keeps me busy, worked Sat and Sun, nothing else to do.You know i can be in room full of people and i still feel alone. Is that normal? The oly person who could make me feel better is not here, so i'm going to have to re-learn how to make myself happy.

[ebola316]

I'm on top of a Catskill Mountain in upstate NY. I can't leave because my kids are in school, my daughter-12-needs some dental surgery,and I don't have any insurance anywhere else. Plus I have a couple of dogs and cats. Plus I bought the place to make this idiot happy. It take about 5 1/2 hours to drive down to the city, and in the winter its pretty hazardous.. The way I see it, I'm gonna have to stick it out until at least the end of the school year and then try to get away. The trick is to keep my sanity until then. It's ironic that I got stuck here alone, since he is the one who talked me into this place.

 

I talk to my friends and family all the time about the breakup, and I think they're getting tired of hearing it. I really don't know if being around people right now, would make me feel better or not. I haven't gotten the chance to find out. I might try to drive down to the city to be with relatives on Christmas-weather permitting. I'm 38, and my kids are 12 and 13. I'm originally from NYC, spent 2 years in Florida, where I met him, and now in the mountains, which was his idea.

 

Now he's living with family, also in upstate NY-about 200 miles away, and in the same building as his ex. Everytime he calls me, he sounds so happy. Thats why I'm not picking up the phone to him anymore.

Talk to you soon.

[motopilote]

I quit calling my all my friends, because all i talk about is the break up and her and how i feel, i think they are tired of hearing about it, but it is on my mind all the time and i am living it every minute off the day, so i understand what you talking about, believe me. I hate to say it and d'ont mean to hurt you but maybe he is back with is Ex? I guess you have to try to make the best out of it, like me. I got dealt a bad hand, but surelly a full house or a royal flush has to be on the way, at least i hope. I even started praying and even whent back to church, just to show, d'ont know where else to turn, my life is chaos right now, the boat sank and i am in the life boat in the ocean, just being blow by the wind, no direction. At least you have your children, me i just have 2 cats, but my cats love me all the time for who i am.

[ebola316]

I have a feeling he is back with his ex. There's is nothing I can do about it, and it's better for me if I don't know for sure. I wish they had some kind of shot or medication that would just make us forget we ever met them.

 

I, like you, enjoyed my life before him. I had a nice apartment in Florida. I had friends and family in my life. Now everything is horrible. Sometimes, I get so angry that I wish he would drive off a cliff, or get really sick or something. I know it's not nice to think these things, but I really believe I would feel better if it happened.

 

At least I feel good about my decision not to talk to me on the phone anymore. I think he has alot of nerve calling me up here, "just to chat", as he say's after he walked out on me like I dog, knowing the position he left me in.

 

Sometimes I really feel like revenge is the only thing that would make me feel better. I know he did some cheating on his taxes last year, and I am very tempted to turn him in. I've also thought of calling him in a couple of weeks, and lying and telling him I tested positive for HIV. So you think you're in a bad state? look at all the crazy things going through my mind.

 

Talk to you soon