Brother was reluctant to have dinner with me?!

[Saures]

My brother and I have a 12 year age gap, he is 30 and I am 18, because of this we obviously didn't have a very close childhood together, or one that I can remember due to being so young before he moved out.

When I was about 7 he moved 4 hours away and because of this we have never had a strong connection, although it's obvious we're both each others favourite siblings (there is four of us).

I suggested the other night that me and him should go out for a few drinks and a nice meal somewhere to kind of try to reconnect and share some alone time together to properly bond (he is married and i never get to spend time with him alone).

 

He replied back saying that would be nice but his wife will have to join, and I said to him I wanted it to just be us and he said "you know what she is like" Implying she'd hit the roof (which she would).

 

This really upset me as it feels like I can't get any time with him, and I know he shouldn't lie to his wife about his whereabouts but the fact he won't even suggest it to her or even try work around her for the sake of our relationship just crushes me.

To make it worse, they went out together last night to go drinking and he decided to stay out without her and still hasn't come home (this would make her more mad than hanging out with his little sister for one night) and I am just really upset he's willing to risk his neck for his mates, but not me...

[abitbroken]

Why don't you have dinner with him and his wife and get to know them both. it would be a nice ice breaker to just go to dinner the three of you. Don't see her as an obstacle. Once you guys reconnect in that way, why not ask him to go hit some golf balls or shoot some hoops - or whatever hobby he likes. It is hard when you work during the week to go out for dinner and drinks and keep the spouse at home and if my sister or brother wanted to go out with me, if my boyfriend was not working, I would want him to go because we are on opposite schedules as it is. But they know if they want to catch me alone - they ask me to something during my bf's work hours. My bf encourages me to spend time with them apart from them to - but we don't let it cut into "our time".

 

Don't be jealous about him staying out late with his mates. You are not his mate. You are his little sister and your sister in law wants a family relationship with you also. Not all brothers know how to relate to sisters and the relationship with her might be in your favor. You need to find a way to spend time with him without purposefully excluding her. You will get your chance. If you start to see him regularly, there will be a time when she can't go or when she is busy.

[irishapple]

+1

 

Organise a dinenr with him and his wife and if you have a boyfriend drag him along. His missus may be an old bat or she may be nice as lasagne (mmmm lasagne) but make the effort and then over time the wife might give you two some time together. Dynamics change when people are in relationships, its how society works so it requires us changing our attitudes and the status quo. Go for it and see how it goes

[Jetta]

I understand how you want to reconnect with your brother, but right now he isn't ready for whatever reason and he's using his wife as that reason. So make the best of it and invite them both, maybe once she gets to know you he'll be more able and willing to go out with you alone.

[mhowe]

I think that if you don't have a "connection" at this point with your brother, and he has a family unit (ie wife), it only makes sense to connect to both of them.

 

His decisions on how to live his life (stay out with the mates) have no bearing on you or your relationship with him and are none of your concern.

[tattoobunnie]

I use to never think I'd be one of those people that just goes out - OUT with others - without a significant other. Then, I got married. I wouldn't take it personally. My brothers and I always include our spouses, and if we want private time, we call each other on the phone. It's just how it is when you become old married farts.

 

I have a big age difference between my eldest brother and I - but you just have to get use to hanging out - meaning do it often.

 

Don't try to match his hijinks with his buddies the other night - he probably still thinks of you as his kid sister. Hands down.