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5 years, what should i do? (break up)


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my ex and i were together for 5 years and some way along the line he propsed and i accepted. i think this was around the time that i was leaving to go to study overseas.Anyway he visited while i was there and things were pretty good. We talked everyday, sent text messages, sent emails and he wrote me tons of letters. after i returned home things went sour. I got into a fight with my father in which he told me some very hurtful things and i looked to my boyfriend for support, instead he spent the time listening and agreeing with my sister about how the whole thing was my fault and i brought it upon myself. I got angry because at that time all i wanted was some comfort from him.

 

The next incident was while i was at his house one night and this girl called on the phone. I told her that he was in the bath and asked if i could take a message. Anyway, the girl kept calling back on his cell phone, so i answered and she demanded to know if i was his sister and was really rude to me. I got very upset with him (I have a bad temper). He said that was his mentee. Now he had told me that he had a mentee before but he did not state that it was a girl or that she lived near to one of his favourite hang out spots. We went thru hell and back but we were trying to fix things when one night i had to use his phone and i saw a strange number in it. I asked him about it and he said that it was no one and took the phone away

 

i managed to get the phone and called the number and it turned out to be the number of the alleged mentee. I got so mad. I slapped him, cursed him and threw the phone away. B4 that i had made him call her. She cursed me and told him that i was stupid and all he told her that she did not have to act that way.

 

This time i was devastated. I told him a lot of hurtful things. I gues that was to let him feel the pain he made me feel. His friends told him to dump me. I told him that he could not stick up for me and he had no balls. We tried after that but it didnt get anywhere. Then th same thing with my sister happened again and once again i felt betrayed by him.I told him that if he loved he had to prove but he said that he loved me but he couldn't prove it. If you love someone can you show them you love them?

His excuse was that he is not good at romantic stuff. but i only wanted him to show me that he did love me anyway he chose.

 

He broke up with me yesterday after saying that i had him on an emotional roller coaster but he never tries to see my point of view. And you would think that after hurting me he would try to avoid doing the things that make me feel bad. I stopped telling him hurtful things and i was honest and upfront about my feelings but he never changed. The more i type, the more i feel like i may be better off without him.

 

Is this all my fault? i guess i was a particular miserable girlfriend with lots of family and self problems but i stuck with him thru his tough times. Is this all my fault? I am right to give up?

any comments?

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If he's putting you through all this, and you don't feel that you can trust him or rely on him when you need him, it's not a good foundation to start a marriage on. Of that Im sure.

 

If all this girl was, was a mentee, why would she be cursing you out? This sounds so childish and shady that I would have done the same as you! Im not sure exactly what you're asking in your post. If he broke up with you and you think it's a good idea, then maybe you're right to give up on him. If you want to work things out with him, we can go from there

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Yours does sound like a hard case.

 

For one thing, you are not entirely sure whether your ex boyfriend's intentions with that girl were innocent or not. That must be hard for you.

 

Sounds to me like you still have alot of things you need to talk about with your ex because you have no clear answers.

 

Do you still love the guy?

 

If you think you possibly do then i would recommend writing him a note/email or phone call to ask him if you can sit down and have an honest discussion where none of you will get angry and you try to listen to each other's points of view. Try not to guilt trip him or he will not be truthful when you ask about the girl.

 

If he is unwilling to sit down and talk with you then there is nothing much you can do. Make sure you tell him that you would be willing to talk with him and try to work things out.

 

If he doesnt want to do this then the only thing you can do is to try to get over him. Time will tell whether he cheated on you and whether he respects you or not.

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