My official no contact thread.

[simplexity]

way to go best of luck keep us posted aight?

[bwhite00]

I am doing the best I can given the circumstances. I am feeling A LOT better, not crying all the time, making an effort to see a special female... even if it's just an occasional movie date or something in a platonic sense... whatever it takes to move on, I am willing to do. I am aware of the tendency for people to basically become heart-less after being betrayed/having trust broken... i.e. my close friend's wife cheated on him and they got divorced and he proceeded to sleep with 100+ women... that's not the route I want to go down.

 

Also, I will say this: I have seen a massage therapist and just started seeing a chiropractor; there is validity in the fact that our stress builds up in ours cells and is released through massage and having my spine straightened out seems to release some of the energy too. Exercise every day... just saying.

 

A couple of must-own books to read :

 

Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress by Campbell M.D. (one of the best books ever written)

Mastery & 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene (essential)

Synchronicity Key by David Wilcock (Amazing insights to the hidden energies behind our minds, nearly 30 years of research).

 

I've simply got to accept that I did the absolute best I could given the circumstances AND THAT, should the opportunity arise where I can re-unite with my EX, to firmly hold my ground on passing it up as peoples' shady behavior tends to repeat again and again...

 

What makes this entire situation hard on me is the fact that a) It was love at first sight for me 2+ years ago, that's nearly impossible to shake and b) when we saw each other a week ago, she was very very much in love with me still and told me that she would, in fact, love me forever.

 

Normally, I'd say... she's untrustworthy and walk away forever. But given the distance gap and the situation surrounding things, I'm a little more inclined to forgive than I normally would be. I just want myself back. That is all. If I can meet someone special between now and then, awesome; if not, that's just not meant to be at this point in time.

 

On the bright side, I do have 15 months clean today.

 

I have been memorizing the individual 33 strategies of war and their corresponding symbols (this is time consuming) and Strategy #2 is Never Fight the Last Battle and is symbolized by water. The greatest military strategists the world has ever known never got drunk on victory or wiped out after a defeat; this pertains to psychological events as well. I can't keep fighting the battle in my head either with things I should've said, done, or noticed; nor should I hold on to resentments and let it slow me down in the present tense. Water flows best when it's unimpeded by sediment or rock... resentments and what-if's are rocks in the riverbank on my mind. I need to attune myself to the present moment and quite literally learn from the past, but also forget about it. Move on.

 

 

 

A wonderful song from a wonderful band that's bound to lift anyone's day. God bless.

[Kittykat12]

60 days post-break-up

 

day 3 no contact

 

I'm looking to date someone else at this point... healthy for me.

 

Good news I hope it goes well for you

[simplexity]

Nah you haven't met the right girl for you.

Love is positive emotions ok?

Don't try to settle for someone who doesn't know how to give value to you as an individual no matter how much you love her .

I hope you'll find your princess soon , you sound to sure be a good catch for anyone, just make sure you don't hurt another soul in trying to heal yourself , that's the last thing you would want to do..

I promise you, that it will soon be better , and that you'll definitely be better than you are now .

You are your own HERO and always do something each day or each moment that your future self will thank you for

[bwhite00]

Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. I'm on day 5 of no contact and feeling better. Just doing small stuff to help my mind-set, including going to a chiropractor which is helping ease my stress a lot. Exercise is definitely a must these days... Sleeping patterns seem to be getting back to normal. I just thank God I am clean; that's all that matters in the world. I'm hoping to go on a platonic date in the next few weeks... unlike my ex, I am not all about jumping into a relationship at ALL; I'd literally see someone on a platonic basis for several months before even considering getting romantically involved. That's typically how I am anyways as I think a solid friendship is the best foundation for anything worthwhile romantically.

 

Just making it one day at a time.

 

edit: It's amazing how physiologically rejection/heart-ache/grief can mess someone up and for how long it can last... This is why I never have and never will play with the emotions of others. I don't want that kind of karma coming back, because I promise, it always comes back in full-force.

 

And it's also amazing how simply hearing someone's voice can trigger the 'bad' chemicals in your brain pertaining to said loss... pictures too... seeing her a week ago, while it was a wonderful night, it takes a VERY VERY Strong person to endure that knowing the person you love is going home to be with someone else EVEN WHEN THEY"RE IN LOVE WITH YOU; I am not quite sure I could handle much more of that *EVER* as it did relapse me for several days afterwards. I just feel like something is missing inside. This has been rough. You guys are all loved.

 

The tears have basically ceased; the prayers have not.

[bwhite00]

73 days post break-up

 

16 days no contact

 

Feeling a lot better guys. Thanks for the support. Talking to someone who may just become a good friend, maybe more, who knows. I've explained the situation to her and I am beginning to become aware that maybe the break-up was the best in that I learned a lot of things about myself, have gained a new perspective on what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and how my dignity is worth far more than any love any person can give me. Hang in there.

[bwhite00]

76 days post break-up

19 days no contact

 

Kind of had a weak moment last night and cried a little... but it felt good so maybe it wasn't so weak. In any case, I'm not crying all day every day like I did the first 50+ days of this... talk about misery. I'm getting used to being single... I love my independence and that will serve me well in making it out of this alive and with my sobriety/dignity in tact.

 

I have no intention of contacting her. I keep wondering how I'd react if she contacted me. I've been through this with her a couple of times before and once for a year solid (no contact). As much as I like to say I'm over her; I'm really not. I'll always be in love with this woman. It was love at first sight for me. I am weak pertaining to her. I've got the strength to completely keep my wits about me with just about anyone else, but with her, I became reliant on her emotional support.

 

Then came the Hell of separation and betrayal. Things should never be this complicated. I have to stay 100% committed to NO CONTACT. You guys hold me accountable.

[bwhite00]

hey Guys ! Quick update...

 

It's been 99 Post BU and 42 days no contact!!!! Feeling GREAT... I've actually started seeing someone new and she's wonderful. I have no idea how things will progress or if they will, but I can honestly say that I have met someone truly special to me (as a friend, if nothing else). And the feelings are reciprocal. I still think about my EX but I am moving past it and while I still feel the need to write her... I simply don't... It's getting easier. But it's nice to know that I can have true loving feelings for someone romantically again...

 

Every time I feel myself thinking about the past and my past relationship... I STOP MY MIND and focus on something else! It's hard in those semi-conscious waking/sleeping moments... but this strategy has worked wonders for me. I am truly happy for the first time in awhile; and the key is, it's not because I think I might have found someone romantically, I was happy with my situation and myself BEFORE I met someone. Should things not pan out with this person... I will still be happy! I owe a lot of gratitude to this forum. It has literally been a life-changer! if not SAVER! 16+ months clean !!!!

 

And maybe I should re-iterate that HAPPY just means in an accepting state-of-mind more often than not, and finding constructive ways to fill my time outside of work.

 

I don't worry about the what-could-I-have-done or what-can-I-do scenarios at all anymore... I am focusing solely on myself and as it pertains to this other person, just getting to know her and create emotional intimacy... SLOWLY...

 

I know I won't find anyone to 'replace' my ex, or even come close to being as good as the things she was, *BUT* I am laughing A LOT more these days than I was ever AND I'm getting creatively inspired again... poetry, art, music...

 

I just can't let the past affect my present, and I can't compare whoever I am with with who I had in the past. Bearing those things in mind, I'm a lot more content.

[Ms Darcy]

I know I won't find anyone to 'replace' my ex, or even come close to being as good as the things she was, *BUT* I am laughing A LOT more these days than I was ever AND I'm getting creatively inspired again... poetry, art, music...

 

Ouch. I hope you tell the new girl that so she doesn't get any illusions.

[bwhite00]

I didn't mean that in a derogatory way, Ms. Darcy, I just meant it in the sense that the current person probably won't excel in the same areas as my previous girlfriend (gourmet chef, world-class massage therapist, etc)... and I don't hold that stuff against anyone at all, everyone is different and that's what makes life great. And in any case, all those wonderful intangibles I loved about my EX don't mean anything after trust is broken!

 

It's been 110 Days Post Break-up! and 51 Days of NO CONTACT and I'm doing a lot better; My b-day is in 2 weeks and I keep wondering if she'll contact me and how I'll feel if she does, or how I'll feel if she doesn't; it's a moot point, I know...

 

On a side note, I really liked the person I was dating briefly and for whatever reason we kind of fell out of contact and I guess I'm getting over my ex-girlfriend because I was able to really enjoy time with someone new AND not become emotionally screwed up when things dissipated. And also, the entire time I was talking to this new person, I didn't bring anything up about my previous relationship beyond the fact I was still a little heart-broken. Still single... but feeling great.

 

I have NO FREEDOM, no girlfriend, still healing from BAD heart-break, in a job I dislike, in a town I can't stand, and struggling financially and despite ALL OF THIS: I am *COMPLETELY* happy and content and I'll have 17 Months clean on Dec 1st. Life isn't perfect, but I feel GREAT. I attribute a lot of it to sticking to the advice people here have given me. This forum has saved me twice. Thanks.

 

I was talking to a really close friend I haven't seen in years last night; he JUST got divorced like literally a day ago... and we were sharing our stories and I just realized that even if I got back with my ex girlfriend... I doubt it would ever work. And it's just simply going to be easier to start fresh with someone new. It seems like a lot of people I have met or talked to either drink way too much, smoke pot, or other stuff that's really kind of unattractive to me... so I just need to enjoy being independent until I get out of my legal mess... if anything should happen, awesome, but if not, I have to concentrate on my mental health... which is stronger than it's ever been thanks to my clean time!!!!!!!