To Find Myself

[The_Seeker]

 

I've decided to create a third journal. Probably this one is different from the other two. I'm having trouble finding out who I am as a person. Or how I am feeling emotionally at time. All I know is at times I find myself being unhappy. Sort of like that movie Eat Pray Love.

 

I'm 25 this year and still working on my career and hoping to forward myself into government. I found myself an apartment which I'll be moving in by the end of September and I'm excited to decorate them. I'm still volunteer. Something is always missing. I realize no matter what Bucket List that I do, I still feel empty.

 

I realize I haven't learn much about myself because I was always on the go. I'm struggling to figure out who I am. Maybe just maybe I've been going from relationship to relationship and from friendship to friendship without being discriminating or upping my standards. It's probably because I don't think respect should just be earned. It's difficult for me to follow that rule because I rather give my respect and trust first but if you cross the line, I'm done with you. That's my attitude. There's no forgiveness when you cross the line on me.

 

I guess my kindness is going very thin especially on guys that I dated. My girlfriend thinks i'm dating the wrong guys. It's kind of funny. I dated nice guys who are average looking. Basically girls who wouldn't date guys who aren't physically attractive. For me, the heart is important thing to me regardless of personality and physical attraction. After being hurt so much, I started getting closed in so much that I'm having trouble figuring out how I'm feeling.

 

Heck I even stopped dating because the last guy hurted me and somehow he made me thought he was different. I decided i'm not going to date anyone until a certain age and to focus on myself such as being financially stable and secured, and making new friends from different places, and sports. I feel like I'm going to be living like the main character from The Back-up Plan.

 

As for friends, I find it even more difficult to make friends. I do go to meet ups, and it's great. But I would like to do things offline.

 

Time to watch "Yes Man." Maybe later, start googling, "How To Find Myself."

 

Since I already saw Eat Pray Love, The Back Up Plan, and Pursuit of Happyness.

 

 

 

[The_Seeker]

 

Today was a frustrating day. Yesterday was a frustrating day. I hate it when people state their opinions 3 times still badger the person.

 

It's like dang, take care of your own life and leave mine alone.

 

[The_Seeker]

 

Created a Training Log in my Notebook. New Goals for August. I'm going to create goals for myself each month to see if I've accomplished it or not by the next month

 

I hope by the end of September, I'll have $1500 in total. Also, that I get that state job because its what I want to be and also the salary is good, too. It will help me gain the experience for the Feds.

 

Been reading a lot how to date offline. It's quite interesting how time as changed. I'm sticking with the old method.

 

I need to figure out my future on how to be financially secure and stable.

 

I begin to realize I'm a planner. Probably because I'm driven.

 

I feel happy about that because I find time is precious and don't intend to waste it.