I feel so empty

[StillHopeful88]

Hey Everyone,

 

I haven't posted here in a year or so and during that time i've had my ups and downs with boys. I haven't had a "boyfriend" since my breakup about 4 years ago but i've talked to other men here and there. I'm at a point now where I don't want to "see" anyone or have any commitment because honestly, I feel like i'm broken. I've always been so trusting and honest with all the guys i've met and that got me nowhere. Men have taken advantage of my honesty and naive perception of things, and in turn i've turned into a heartless, pessimistic person when it comes to men.

 

I was always so hopeful, hence my username, and now I feel defeated. For the past couple of months I thought i was so good with being single and doing my own thing, spending time with my family and friends and not having to worry about whether he's lying to me or what he's doing. But lately i've been so down. I feel like every guy I meet is lying to me, I find promiscuity in men a "normal" thing now because thats all i've ever really known. Overall, I feel alone. I don't understand why its so hard for me to find someone good. I get told all the time "how is such a pretty sweet girl like you single" and I swear its like no guys approach me and the ones that do aren't what I'm looking for. Its been a couple of weeks that i've felt this way and I don't even want to go out. I spend most my time at home or at the gym and I miss the attention I used to get from the guys that "wanted" me.

 

I don't know where i'm going with this but this forum has always helped me in times of need. What can i do to get out of this funk. Why do i constantly feel like i need male attention to feel better about myself. I'm confident and happy with myself, but i don't understand why i feel so alone and unwanted. Any advice will help

[20sgal88]

WOW. Are you me? Am I you? And it appears we were born in the same year, judging by your username! Lol I feel the EXACT SAME way!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yeah buddy…it’s a doozy. There are no simple answers. I feel the same way about men. The ones I like never like me and the ones I don’t like, do. Has been that way my whole life. I too, feel used. I’m always attracted to emotionally unavailable men it seems like. It’s almost as if the act of me being attracted to them repulses them from me; and in turn, a prerequisite they must meet in order for me to be attracted to them is to have a total lack and utter disregard for me. Lol Bizarre.

 

My friend is 10 years older than me, 35 and finds herself in the same position. Unlike you and I, she’s not exactly naïve and has absolutely no problem attracting men she likes, but she can’t nail it down either, long story short. I too, was EXTREMELY EXCITED when a man “wanted” me. Turns out, he wanted me for one purpose. Quite a disposable one. Felt like toilet paper afterwards. Like he wiped his a s s with me and flushed me away.

 

That’s quite a pessimistic approach I must admit.

 

On the other hand, if we were to force ourselves to look at the brighter side of things (now I don’t know what your exact situation is) but bearing mine in mind…

 

Maybe I should be grateful. A good looking man with a large penis wanted me sexually, we had sex, it was pleasurable, we enjoyed it, maybe leave it at that? Perhaps I should stop wanting and demanding the situation be different or I am treated “better”. What exactly is better anyway? Like you said, lying is a tendency men seem to do (I’m sure women are just as guilty) and even when you are in a relationship with someone, it isn’t exactly satisfying. My ex of 5 years lied frequently.

 

Then my mom told me a story about a patient at work who had a daughter from a previous marriage. Ok, that didn’t work out so she remarried this other dude. Ended up having a kid with him. Well, she then came down with breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy. After that ordeal along with chemotherapy treatment etc, her cancer happily was in remission. She found out she was pregnant with her 2nd child from this new husband (3rd total). When the baby turned about a year old she found out her husband was having an affair.

 

So I got to thinking…

 

Wow…a dude can do all the “right” things. Date you, woo you, tell you all the crap you want to hear, put a big ol’, fancy rock on your finger, set ya up in a nice house, marry you, you can crap out his kid and he STILL could cheat on you. Bang his secretary or some s h i t on his desk next to your framed picture! It happens all the time.

 

So the point I’m trying to make is: you had it right: enjoying your time being single, spending it with family and friends, doing your own thing. You’re just in a slump right now and you’ll soon recover from it. It just goes to show, there are NO GUARANTEES in life. Even if you think you meet a great guy, look how it all easily could go to hell in a hand basket. Or he could really be wonderful and then croak on ya.

 

My parents have been married for 26 years. My father has committed infidelity in the past and now the pressures of life are causing him to give up. He treats my mother like crap and will probably be leaving us soon. Good. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

 

And finally, I will leave you with this thought: we all have our problems and struggles. We all have our down days and ups. Never let a man define you. I know it’s a natural inclination. What did God say to Eve in the Garden of Eden, as punishment after eating the fruit of the tree? “You will have labor pangs and you will CRAVE YOUR HUSBAND…” Something along those lines. And that’s exactly what we women do. We crave the attention of men. We want some male figure to rescue us. Save us, make us feel validated and whole. Gallop up to us on a noble steed and carry us off into the sunset with rainbows and s h i t.

 

Give up on it. If you meet a guy you like, get out of it whatever you can. Don’t expect anything. And it seems you’re already well on your way. Mourn, be upset, give in to silent weeping and feeling sorry for yourself, then arise, renewed and grab life with a sense of vigor and wonderment. It’s short, so we might as well make best of it that we can with or without a man.

 

Listen to the first 20 minutes of this song and look at the accompanying pictures. Maybe I’m eccentric, but it puts things into perspective. The pictures are of the cosmos, animals, the natural world, flowers blooming, etc. There is so much beauty in life. Enjoy it! I’m actually talking to my friend right now on the phone! Lol

 

Here it is:

[StillHopeful88]

Thank you, thank you, and thank you!

 

Sometimes all it takes is someone that understands you and knows how you feel. You are absolutely right about there never being any guarantees and i'll definitely remember that. I think whats been bothering me lately is that everyone i know (or at least it feels like it) is getting engaged or married and I'm sitting here like ya, i don't even have a boyfriend or a guy that i LIKE. But thank you for your reply i seriously feel a lot better