cultural differences: mexican:american cause of breakup?

[petitemarie]

mx ex left me three days after i lost our baby, 5 months pregnant. he said our cultural differences were too much, that i was too free and that i wasnt able to be controlled; he was very possessive and jealous, but powerfully passionnate and i felt deeply in love. does anyone out there understand this element that he claims is so strong in this culture that the man cant commit, cant trust,a nd needs to know every detail about what man i am talkignt to? i dont know too mcuh about this culture, and i never gave a reaosn to be lmistrusted. we had a marriage planned, then i lost the baby, and in 3 days he was gone, he asked me to have no contact with him, but it was he idea to keep the baby and get married, and he told me endless times that i was his soulmate; i am afraid he has aborderline personality, he shows many signs of it. i feel destroyed, like i would give ly life to have him back; he wont even take my calls; i am americana nd have always felt that my partner would be my best friend withot any probs of mistrust and thathe would support my goals, buthis man faulted me whenever i took an opportunity to do something that i thought would make him proud of me. i am way beyond a lot of the kind of bar girls he was used to dating and sleeping with. he admired my accomplishments at first and then held them against me after; he is 31 and has a great job and is very wel established in his life, very artistic. things were perfect! help

[Day_Walker]

It is best that you are out of this relationship. I dont believe that you can place qualities such as those on a specific culture because people of every culture have them. What is probably the case is that he is only used to those type of relationships based on his experience with his family. It is best that you move on and find guys who dont have attitudes like this because behavior like this isnt acceptable and you shouldnt let them know that it is.

[tiger_lilies]

I am so sorry for your loss. But perhaps it was a blessing in disguise?

Possessive boyfriends never make the relationship better, it makes it worse. He obviously didn't trust you at all. He left you when you needed him the most. How could any decent person with morals leave their soulmate when she's just lost their baby? Sounds very cold hearted to me, don't cha think?

 

You are better off without someone like that in your life. Please take care and move on with your life. Close this chapter and start a new one. It will take time and no contact is the best route to go.

[mahlina]

His excuse is just an excuse. It doesn't matter what race he is. Love goes beyond cultural differences. It never stops a Latino man from loving an American, or any other race. About his borderline personality disorder, perhaps it's more like narcissism? Be careful. If he's only thinking about himself, then he won't think about you. Instead of being so cold to you, he should've been more supportive, especially because of the miscarriage. But no. Instead, he only pushed you away, alone to cry off on your own.

 

I've heard of that theory too. But, I think that's just a copout. If he truly loves you, then he would go against that stereotype, and prove to you that he's a better man, the man that's worth being in your life. And, about the whole "I see you as my soul-mate" thing, if that is the case, then soul-mates don't purposely hurt each other. When you run into someone who claims to be your soul-mate, then that person will show you their best, and will be there for you through thick & thin. Soul-mates love unconditionally. Sounds like his talk is cheap more than anything! You deserve better.

 

I'm just so sad to hear about your story. Sorry that you're going through with the emotions that you're going through. I am especially fed up with people who lie, cheat, and always try to get game. You have to be careful from now on, k? It's your life, and it's precious. Hang in there. Here's a website that explains more on narcissistic personalities: link removed

[catgirl82]

i am also very sorry for your loss, i cant imagine how hard that must be for you...

but tiger lilies is right- it is a blessing in disguise that your boyfriend left you. what kind of a man leaves his girlfriend 3 days after she has a miscarriage with HIS baby? it sounds like he was just staying around for the baby's sake... and once the baby was gone, so was he. his cultural issue doesnt really seem to be the real reason for him leaving, otherwise why wouldnt he have brought it up before?

 

your boyfriend left you because you couldnt be controlled- doesnt that raise a red flag with you? do you want a man in your life who thinks he has the right to control you? and whats this about him holding your accomplishments against you? how dare he make you feel bad for the accomplishments in your life.

 

you are much better off without this man. i think you felt safe and secure having him in your life but he would be doing much more harm than good. you deserve a much better man who wont leave you when the going gets tough.

[petitemarie]

He there, please excuse that i rewrote my message, i didnt realize that this message gad been successfully posted, so you may find it again with more detail elsewhere; i think i am slowly figuring out how this works!! i appreciate your feedback as well!

 

Marie

[tea]

Well, he was probably looking for a very very traditional Mexican woman... who'd think their bf/husband is their sky and will obey percisely every word out of a man's mouth.

 

... who knows if those women still exist anymore. Maybe you can find a few in India, Japan, Middle East, or places where they still hold traditional values strongly.

 

Bf "claims" to be mexican.. although everytime he does that other hispanic people want to smack him... he's spaniard but mexican wannabe. Well, so his brother's 34 and never dated anyone he wanted to marry because he's really looking for .. exactly the woman I described above, but failed to realize that he's not a traditional maxican man so those women won't like him to begin with. I hope your ex doesn't turn into someone like bf's brother, or he'll be single forever and ever.

 

I'm sorry you lost your baby though, but if he can't like you for you then it's probably good to leave him anyways.