we're in love, he has a new gf

[city glow]

I dated someone for a few years on and off... mostly because we went to college. We were very in love, and i always miss him and think about him when he's not around, even if I'm not in contact with him, and even though I accepted that it was over. He was my first love and only love, and it was very passionate, loving, and we were best friends.... it was the type of relationship that when it was good, it was amazing.

 

he has a new girlfriend now, who he says he loves. however, we've recently started talking again on AOL instant messanger after 3 months of no contact with each other. Last week, he told me he still loved me; that he loved his new girlfriend, but the relationship was lacking and tiresome sometimes; that it was nothing like how he felt with me. He told me he thought i was amazing, he missed me and even that "someday he will find me."

 

However, he hasn't contacted me since then, and he's still with her. not that i thought he'd break up with her or anything... but...

 

I was trying to forget him. But now, I havent seen him in 4 or so months, and i miss him so much. I just love him, I deeply love this person, and I know he deeply loves me, but we can't and won't be together.... How am I supposed to overcome something like this? I'm 19 and I feel my world and ideas are limited because I've already found such a wonderful love, and lost it. I wish it never happened, almost.

[fallen]

Hi,

 

Wow, that sounds tough. I can identify with the feeling of lust (although yours is deeper than what I've felt -- love) & hurt, and the deep desire to date him again.

 

There's one guy I would love to date but he's unfortunately not interested. We have such an intense connection though, every time we look at each other it's just striking. And then when I think about it after, it hurts so much because I know he has a gf & isn't interested. I've tried telling myself all the bad things about him but then I think about the discussions we've had, and everything..UGH..I know it is so frustrating.

 

It seems really odd that he wouldn't break up with her though if he's still in love with you. Unless he really feels a need to move on..maybe he's not ready for such commitment yet? I truly believe that if it's meant to be, you two will somehow get together though, so don't worry..I don't know if that helps or not. But perhaps for now, try to move on & date other people? Don't think of this as something lost, but just something to put on hold, and if things don't work out with his new gf you can perhaps come to again.

 

It is frustrating though, I don't really know what to say because I feel a similar pain. Good luck to ya..pm me if you ever want to talk.

[Day_Walker]

You are 19 years old and you have already considered yourself to be deeply in love with this guy. I do not believe that you can believe what people say because for whatever reason people are dishonest. You have to look at his actions and determine if he really feels the way he actually says. I believe that you also need to examine your own feelings and find why you feel the way you do. Thinking that you have this great loss because you claim to be in love with this person seems like you want to put yourself through this. The healthy thing to do would be to move and and find another person you have a connection with and you can build a relationship from there.

[Double J]

It sounds like the guy wants the cake and wants to eat it too (hence, have two girls in his orbit - the more the merrier right??) My advice to you is to try meeting other guys, but don't lose hope on this situation. Keep in touch casually, but meet other guys. It helps you do two things:

1. Meet other prospects

2. Get your mind off of him in case he really isn't serious about what he's saying.

 

He might be right about what he's saying, but just be weary, because people often say things they don't mean. Actions are what do all the talking.

[fallen]

Hey,

 

Thanks for the replies. Although they were for the OP they really helped me as well, so I really appreciate it..

 

You guys all seem to be saying the same thing - move on & don't lose hope..which I'm going to do as well.

 

thx,

 

fallen