Taking things slow

[snappy]

Totally confused!

 

Both of us broke up with long term partners 5 months ago before we met. We hit it off straight away, laughed , talked, are in similar jobs and amazing sexual energy.

I am totally over my ex and even had the 'dating rebound' thing. He is not.

He said last night, when I felt things were rather intimate and emotional, "just want to make sure we are on the same page that we like each other but are not in a relationship or anything serious"

He said the reasons being is that he is very jaded and is still sorting out lots of stuff from his ex and is not even sure how to be in a relationship anymore.

I said do you just want to be friends and he said no way!

I said do you not see yourself as being in a relationship with me? He said I am the very much the sort of person he would want a relationship with but is not capable of feeling anything serious at the moment.

He is obviously talking about me to his friends and I have even met some of them and they made a real effort to be nice to me which I thought was a good sign.

I know he had recently dated some women who he slept with but made it obvious to them that he would never want to be in a relationship with them. He said he has no intensions of a relationship but that he loves spending time with me and that we get along so well ( am I stupid for not asking for a time frame when he would be ready or was that a good move?)

That's what I am caught at. He said I am very much his type. Am I being used or is he really just being careful about being hurt and thereforeeee wants to take it slow?

What should I do?

 

 

[Turboz]

Difficult situation.

 

I'd say he's been in a relationship recently that hasn't worked out very well and he's trying to steer clear of anymore trouble.

 

The problem is when you end a relationship with someone there's sometimes some really rotten feelings left over which affect your judgement of the opposite sex for a while - sometimes you even want to prove yourself right.

 

I'm about to dump my gf and I can tell you my current thoughts if you like:

Thats it no more women are gonna hurt me again I'm staying single.

I hate them all - they've caused me too much embarrassment.

Why me?

What have I done to deserve this treatment?

I'm staying single and thats the last of it. No other ***** is going to get another opportunity to hurt me again.

 

No joking these are the very thoughts going on in my mind right now.

 

The thing is I still see other women in town that I like and if I had the chance I would like to have fun/sex with. The way I feel at the moment though, it would be just that for me - fun. Get in bed, have sex and 'Thanks for that - cya around!'. It's almost like a revenge thing now - I'm going to cause them more pain than they can cause me. The thing is with women that ain't exactly hard. Give them the false promise of real love, get them in bed and then watch it rip them apart when you say a rather permanent 'cheerio!'.

 

Can you see what I'm saying?

 

It's difficult to see what is going on in your fella's head. It could be anything. Maybe he's shy, maybe he's been really hurt. Maybe he just wants to tease women to make himself feel better.

 

The only thing you can do is give it time and talk to him. Communication is the key as is time. If you enjoy his company then continue to be friends and just see what happens in the future. Maybe something will happen and it could be the most beautiful thing to ever happen in both your lives.

 

Just don't get too worked up about it.

 

-Turboz

[Day_Walker]

Its hard to say because I can see this situation turning out badly on your part. If you think about it, then it gives him the option to date other females since there is no commitment and at the same time he gets to build this connection with you. He seems to be getting the best of both worlds. I dont entirely know his motives but it seems that this situation has the possiblity of causing you some grief. I would be aware of what is happening around you.

[Scout]

Basically, he's making sure you know not to expect commitment from him. At the same time, he's expecting the sex to continue.

 

Sounds to me like you're getting the short end of the stick.

 

If it was me? I'd make myself unavailable, and simply explain that you wish him the best and hope he recovers from his previous relationship, but you place a little higher value on yourself, and prefer to sleep with men who actually want to explore something meaningful.

 

Like Day_Walker says, if you stay in this it has the potential to end badly for you. The guy is giving you fair warning now. I'd take him up on it.

[Scout]

The thing is I still see other women in town that I like and if I had the chance I would like to have fun/sex with. The way I feel at the moment though, it would be just that for me - fun. Get in bed, have sex and 'Thanks for that - cya around!'. It's almost like a revenge thing now - I'm going to cause them more pain than they can cause me. The thing is with women that ain't exactly hard. Give them the false promise of real love, get them in bed and then watch it rip them apart when you say a rather permanent 'cheerio!'.

 

I hope you won't follow through with this idea. Ok, so you've been hurt in the past. Why hurt someone else who had nothing to do with your pain? You're not getting revenge - you're simply adding to the problem of the general mistrust between males and females. You do that to someone, well maybe she'll turn around and do it to someone else, using the same logic you're using.

 

Basically, you're adding more negativity to a dating world that already has more than it's fair share of it. How about adding something positive instead?

 

And don't forget...you reap what you sow.