Should I let my bf know I know where he hides his stash?

[bit]

Abbreviated version, bf may or may not be close to seeking help for substance abuse, fading in and out of denial hourly. I love him but am losing respect for him. I know I cannot change him.

 

The question is: When he hugs me I can feel something other than his anatomy in his pants, specifically his underware. I'm sure he'd like to think that I think he's just glad to see me, but we all know that is pure folly. Should I let him know I know? Would it serve any good purpose?

 

I am not ready to let him go entirely yet, so please let me work through that on my own timeline. The truth is I'm a little jealous of the stash getting the "pole position" rather than me. I understand enough about addiction to know that expecting him to put me first is impossible right now and maybe ever even if he quits.

 

I don't believe the type of drug matters so I will not be answering that specific line of questioning. I will share that given all circumstances his drug use could kill him at any time.

[Jennifer89]

Is it weed?

 

Unless you are concerned for his health/safety, let it go. My stoner ex was very touchy when it came to his issues with smoking. Other then the cost and his lack of motivation I really didn't see it as a problem, so I just let it go.

 

As you already said, you can't change him. So, what are you hoping to accomplish by telling him you know where it is? Do you even know?

[bit]

Is it weed?

 

Unless you are concerned for his health/safety, let it go. My stoner ex was very touchy when it came to his issues with smoking. Other then the cost and his lack of motivation I really didn't see it as a problem, so I just let it go.

 

As you already said, you can't change him. So, what are you hoping to accomplish by telling him you know where it is? Do you even know?

 

A common trait amongst substance abusers is that nobody can tell. It's part of the denial. I wouldn't be mean about it, I'd just say I know where you're keeping your stash and leave it at that. Nobody is on trial here, but little glimpses of reality for someone on the cusp of possibly giving up do add up.

[RedDress]

Next time you hug your bf and feel his "stash" - grab it. I'm sure he'll get a rise out of the situation and he'll know that you know. No words required.

 

... but... and I know you don't want to hear this... I think you should break up with him. Why do you want to be with someone who has issues (that he will likely carry for life if it's more than weed - and even potentially if it's weed) and who can't put you first? Do you really want a bf you have to try to 'fix'? Why don't you love yourself enough to want to be put first? I dunno... sounds more like a project than a bf.

[bit]

Next time you hug your bf and feel his "stash" - grab it. I'm sure he'll get a rise out of the situation and he'll know that you know. No words required.

 

I thought about doing this although I don't want to accidentally hurt his sensitive parts.

 

... but... and I know you don't want to hear this... I think you should break up with him. Why do you want to be with someone who has issues (that he will likely carry for life if it's more than weed - and even potentially if it's weed) and who can't put you first? Do you really want a bf you have to try to 'fix'? Why don't you love yourself enough to want to be put first? I dunno... sounds more like a project than a bf.

 

I am working on my own plan, I have my own life, it's not an emergency for me to get away. I do not make any of his decisions for him, or even try to. Sometimes good people are afflicted with the disease of substance abuse, I try to treat him as if he's ill. He is nicer to me than all of my non-addicted bfs in the past put together.

[MissMatch]

Why don't you just slide your hand provocatively down his pants all sexy like and act surprised when you find it? or if he avoids you or pushes away, ask whats wrong..

 

why do you think you need to tell him you "know" where his stash is? is it because you want to start a dialogue about his drug problem, or do you just want him to keep it somewhere else?

[bit]

Why don't you just slide your hand provocatively down his pants all sexy like and act surprised when you find it? or if he avoids you or pushes away, ask whats wrong..

 

why do you think you need to tell him you "know" where his stash is? is it because you want to start a dialogue about his drug problem, or do you just want him to keep it somewhere else?

 

It took me so long to answer this because I really had to think about the answer. I have set a time limit for myself on this relationship. No confrontation is required about anything specific. All the necessary conversations have already taken place.

 

I appreciate you asking me what you did, it really helped me think instead of getting caught up in any further games.