Boyfriend of 5 years never invites me to any gatherings

[xmrth]

My boyfriend never invites me anywhere and is always invited to things going on with my family, and is welcome to come to anything. I am not..

 

He has gone to my grandmother's wedding, invited to my cousin's wedding, invited over for my graduation party, invited to come along with my FAMILY to our family vacation, and invited over for everything else, and he's welcome to come on Christmas Eve (for a little bit of course so he can go to his family) etc etc....

I've realised this as he will not join me for Thanksgiving and will not invite me to his get together. He doesn't invite me to any of what I just listed. Not even to his grad party......

 

Any suggestions to how I should confront him? I just feel so left out of his life... I will understand if it's because it's a family time, but his family isn't strict of any of those things, and I know that because his sibling brings people along.. so why doesn't he invite me?

I don't want him to get all on the defensive because then I wont get any answers.

[xmrth]

He is 20 and I am 19.

I don't know about doing that only because we do not have the family get togethers often enough for him to catch my drift. And he might not even mind it.

However, thanks for your advice

[BadMadame]

My boyfriend doesn't invite me to the Thanksgiving party. My face probably doesn't go along with the dead bird You should ask him instead of keep this feeling with you. Ask him to be open and honest with you. My BF told me that he is not ready to drag me into his circle yet (well he has quite a tough one; I have to say that.) It hurts to hear that, but at least he is honest with me. So I celebrate it with my friends instead.

Keep in mind not add too much feeling (resentfulness and anger) when you confront him. Play cool, OK. Guys appreciate it.

[SkyFire]

Weird. Have you considered that you are the second woman in his life?

 

Confront him about it. Sit down, and talk about it. Dont accuse him of anything.

[Scout]

I think this is very strange, too. I can't imagine why he wouldn't invite you to his own graduation party. I agree with Skyfire that it's very possible you could be dating a two-timer.

[theusual]

He is Greek and your Irish or something??? I can only see the guy still liking you if that is the case. 5 years is a long time to not bring you to a family function. My girlfriend went through that for 4 years during college. He was 100% Greek and she was 100% Polish. His mom HATED the fact that she wasn't Greek! Well, long story, they ended up breaking up. It's definitely NOT fair to you. If it's not something along the lines of that, it can be because his parents are drunks or something. But like I said, if it's not something unusual like I mentioned, he just doesn't want them knowing about you! sorry.

 

Sometimes confronting him doesn't mean you'll get answers. You may have to invest in a few joy rides to spy. Gosh, doesn't that sound terrible??!! He should be honest with you, I hope you are not sharing him. If it does happen to be true - I'm sorry you invested a great deal of time with him.

[hurtbylove]

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's cheating..

 

5 years is a long time though, enough to know his folks at least.

 

It really depends on your relationship, how much time you guys spend together before you can assume that is cheating. How are things otherwise?

 

If you are unhappy about this, the best way to get it resolved is to talk it over with him

[thinkstoomuch]

My ex and I had issues with this as well. I wasn't cheating. My problem is just that I'm not really at all close with my family. I was uncomfortable going to huge Christmas parties with her family, since I didn't know them at all and wasn't used to large family functions anyway.

 

She would be hurt when I wouldn't invite her to my family stuff, but that's mainly because my extended family is very poor, really trashy, and kind of an embarrassment to me. When she finally did meet them, she admitted that she could see why I was hesitant to introduce them.

 

Different backgrounds as far as the family thing is concerned. Have an open conversation with him about it.

[Mermaid]

This is very peculiar if you ask me.

 

My boyfriend and I wish we could spend all holidays and major events together (we're currently long distance) and will, once he moves here in a year or so, and we eventually get married. Just last night he said, "I wish you were going to be here for Thanksgiving--my family would love having you, and you'd brighten up the room ten-fold."

 

So if a man loves you, he's going to want you to be involved in his family events. (In fact, my boyfriend and I already consider each other family.) I'm wondering, along with some of the others who replied before me, whether he may have another girlfriend--and one that he DOES bring to family gatherings.

 

Or perhaps you're the only one but he hasn't told his family yet? Or, to quote from that now famous book, "Maybe he's just not that into you."

 

 

 

 

[xmrth]

Thanks for all the responses.

 

His family knows he is with me and knows he comes over to see me, etc.

I feel very sure he is not cheating..

It shouldn't have anything to do with how his family acts or any of that because they're relatively normal.

 

Pretty much, with all that aside, I don't know how he could not want to invite me over, and how to confront him without him getting defensive.