The sweetest thing...but stop the head games

[nicholascrack]

Hey everyone,

 

Although I have not gotten back together with my ex, I am so happy at this point in my life.

 

You see, I was hanging on this thread, this bone that she threw me, where she would say, "If it's meant to be, it'll be." Meanwhile, she wanted to go on dates with all these guys while I sat there and waited like an idiot.

 

But it's not happening like that anymore. Sooner or later, we have to look at the situation and say, "This is ridiculous. This is ruining my pride and my self-esteem. I have to get out of here." And we have to let go of the only love we've ever known.

 

For the past several weeks, I've been seeing this girl. She is amazing. Gorgeous, smart, funny, caring. For the first time in many months, I wasn't stuck thinking about my ex. It has taken me a long time to get here, but I'm glad I'm here. Have I moved on completely? I don't really know. But I'm not going to wallow in self-pity and sadness. It's a new day; I feel a connection with this girl already.

 

It's not for everyone. But I know it has helped me tremendously. I don't have to sit at home and wonder who my ex is out at the club with. I don't have to worry about her getting intimate with someone else. That's not in my control. But my own happiness IS in my control.

 

Thanks

 

Nicholas

[Ated]

Hi there Nicholas!

 

I find your ost very uplifting. You are definitely right, "I don't have to worry about her getting intimate with someone else. That's not in my control. But my own happiness IS in my control.

 

I still feel icky when I think about my ex getting intimate with someone else, but it definitely does get easier everyday.

 

I have an attitude much like yours... I was told by my brother that you should not teach your ex a lesson, you should have taught YOURSELF a lesson -- he ain't worth it!

 

Hehe

 

Anywyas, I'm seriously glad to hear people moving on! I think it's great! How long did it take you to get over your ex? I'm still not fully over mine, I'm at 7 months, but he calls me here and there. In fact, he called me earlier today. Asking whether i was looking for a job cos his Uncle is looking for someone or something. Whatever. I felt akward though. I don't know why, but whenever he calls me and i hear his voice, I get all nervous and stuff... But today's convo was definitely awkward. I wish I didn't pick up the fone. If i knew it was him calling, I definitely wouldn't have!

[jbutterfly2020]

Good for you!!!! What you are doing is what I wish I could do for myself. An ex- is hard to get over. I found out yesterday that my ex has obviously moved on from me because he is having a baby with some girl. I hope that I can move on and find a better guy.......but ugh who knows?

[Recovering_Lover]

I guess, you have to do what will make you get over your ex.

 

For me, I wrote all my feelings out into a blog/diary. I wrote in the forums telling my plight and listening to people's advice.

 

But things were bothering me, I felt that , the r/s and the friendsship ended becoz of me, and I felt I had to explain to my ex the misunderstanding.

 

Everyone, in the board told me I shouldn't, she would only say bad things and hurt you. They were absolutely right. Thats what she did.

 

But for me, she accusing me and all didn't hurt me, becoz I realized that I did everything to save the relationship. I tried to work things out and she just was saying I was the only problem, but she had serious problems she didn't wantto admit.

 

So after that "bad" phone call, my heart was at ease. I felt that becoz I konw now that I did everything possible, There is nothing more I could do. Its not meant to be. A relationship takes two to work things out.

 

So, I would suggest, you really give yourself time to think. Write out your feelings, express them all out in hte diary etc....and if you could try not to think about her. Keep yourself occupied. Do everything that will make you feel , that you have done everything.

 

In the end, you need to find closure, whichever means that is.

 

Well, take care..

 

R.L.

[nicholascrack]

Hey Ated,

 

Basically, my ex and I broke up in May. So it took a really long time. But it's almost as if the shackles have been broken.

 

I didn't want to rub it in my ex-girlfriend's face that I've found someone new, but I'm pretty sure she knows what's going on. I don't want her to be sad. But I guess it comes down to listening to her own advice: "If it's meant to be, it'll be." I was miserable while she was out with other guys. This is the one chance I have to be happy again and I'm going to take it.

 

The little games are still going on. It's kind of ridiculous. I happened to check her profile today. Under favorite things it used to read, "Driving in Nicholas' Benz." Now it reads something like "Driving with my hotel roomies," or something like that. I kind of take that as an obvious attempt to get at me. But if I were to reply in kind, it would be childish and it would give the idea that I'm not happy and that sort of thing still bothers me.

 

Exes are not exactly innocent of the mind-games. I encourage all of you to watch out. When you are being exploited and manipulated, take off and go the other direction! There's no sense getting hurt.

 

Take care everyone, and please, move forward to become happy, with or without your ex.

 

Nicholas

[lt]

good for you. quite uplifting.

[Ated]

Hi there Nicholas... Im feeling so sad today. i saw my ex twice today. Can u believe it?!

 

I mean, i went ice skating with friends at this shopping centre... in the mornin... and int he afternoon, went to another mall near where i live and guess who i seee? HIM! This time with a girl!

 

I dunno why everytime i see him i get all nervous and worked up! Is there anyway i can desensitise myself?! I mean, if he's not around, i feel al strong and "im moving on" mode, but after i see him, i just wanna see and follow him! ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY! WE broke up in April too, why am i not over it?! *sigh*

 

pls ... any advice... Thanks....

[nicholascrack]

Hey Ated,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you were feeling sad today. Life is constantly up and down. Seeing your ex with another person can be almost traumatic sometimes. I know I literally snapped when I saw that, something inside my head just went off and I haven't really been the same since.

 

But I've learned not to take those sort of events personally. He doesn't mean to hurt you. He doesn't mean to break your heart. Maybe it's just something he has to do, and in time, things will even themselves out.

 

It's not easy. As far as desensitization goes, I don't know what to say. I have never been able to do it. Sometimes I wish I could. Surround yourself with friends, stay busy, pick up a hobby. April is not that far away. You still need lots of time to heal, so take it. It's yours!

 

Ated, sometimes its hard. Sometimes it feels impossible. But you are going to make it! You're going to be bruised and battered, but you will be stronger! Keep me updated!

 

Nicholas