nbr Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Ok, I've had two partners and I'm 37. I'm separated after 20 years, no reconciliation, and hopefully all this becomes moot because the gal I'm friends with will be more than friends, but I still am curious: I was told that the norm is *not* exclusive unless it's been talked about directly? I always assumed that the default would be exclusive once a RS got to the bedroom?!?! How do you handle being scared when you're with a gal? I joined a single parents group at the behest of one of the dads at my kid's school (who himself is a member). From a social interaction standpoint all was ok. I had to excuse myself a couple times, but was able to re-join the group (too busy). The kids had a blast though, and that's the point of the group, so yea This brings up my next question: Aspergers. When do you tell a potential paramour? It really impacts interaction (eye contact, unexpected touches, verbal patterns [i.e. talking over the same topic several times]). Any thoughts? Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Are there any support groups for people with Aspergers? That is a better place to ask, I'd love to help but really have no advice. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Hey my son is a high functioning autistic like you as well! He's waiting for his Aspie diagnosis. There are many Aspie social groups actually. I totally understand because my son is exactly like you. Maybe explore what she knows about Asperger's or autism. I would not do it right away though. You might have better luck though with Asperger's groups. I am so happy to see an Aspie doing well in life. That gives me great hope for my own son. Link to comment
nbr Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Hey my son is a high functioning autistic like you as well! He's waiting for his Aspie diagnosis. There are many Aspie social groups actually. I totally understand because my son is exactly like you. Maybe explore what she knows about Asperger's or autism. I would not do it right away though. You might have better luck though with Asperger's groups. I am so happy to see an Aspie doing well in life. That gives me great hope for my own son. Well the gal that I am friends with knows I'm Aspie, but doesn't know what that really means. I told her that if we were ever going to be more than friends she had to research it first and know what she was getting in to, and that bailing and just staying friends was fine. So far that relationship is roses. I get hugs from her and her daughter, just right too I cross my fingers for more than friends with her, but my breakup is so new and hers isn't really much older, so to keep it healthy we have to keep strong boundaries. I'm in an active single parents group, my friend (a single dad) asked me to join. They're all awesome, and I decided very early to be "out" with my AA program. Total acceptance Haven't broached the Aspe part, so far not too bad on triggers. The scary thing for me is I have a couple of real hard triggers, I fight them hard for my kid's sake, but even for them I find myself struggling. When someone else does it I usually have a real challenge. Soft touch & unexpected touch: If you're going to hug me, do it hard, not "nice". My son will sit on my knee (fine), then drag his fingertips accross my kneecap (twitch). I like having my back scratched, but if you're not leaving nail marks you're probably doing it too light. If you hug me from behind and I don't know it's coming, or you put your hand on my shoulder and I'm not in a mood for contact, I'll crawl right out of my skin. Schedule: If I have something planned, changing it at the last minute hurts for me. Doesn't matter if it's a date, a chore, whatever... I can see this being an issue in the dating arena. -nbr Link to comment
nbr Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Anyone about the norms on exclusivity? It it really that the default relationship state is "open"? How do you tell someone you're not ok with that? -nbr Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Yes, if you change anything on my son he goes BANANAS. I understand. He also has a thing with time. Everything has to be ON TIME and do not make a mistake about that time either. It is hard I understand especially if people don't "get it." We have family that still does not "get it " at all with some family members ie, my husband's family and sometimes my mom wants to force him into being a natural developing kid but he isn't. So yeah I totally, " get it." Link to comment
nbr Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Some stuff has improved now that I'm single too One of my 'things' was that the kitchen drawers had to be just so, as did the plates and spices. Everything else could be a disaster and no issue. My ex would just toss crap in the drawers, AAARRRRGGGHHHH Why is there a spatula in with the whisks?!?!? Not a problem now lol Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Some stuff has improved now that I'm single too One of my 'things' was that the kitchen drawers had to be just so, as did the plates and spices. Everything else could be a disaster and no issue. My ex would just toss crap in the drawers, AAARRRRGGGHHHH Why is there a spatula in with the whisks?!?!? Not a problem now lol Well yes, you can organize as you want to. I am so glad that your life is looking up. That is awesome. Link to comment
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