...would it really be that wrong?

[happydoodle]

A couple of months ago, I was dead set on that I wanted to commit suicide. I was a mess. An emotional blob that couldn't handle anything anymore. I have started to get better, am doing well, I am looking forward to this life I could have, but I still don't feel far from that longing to want to attempt suicide again. I feel tempted to do things, stupid things, overdoses, running away, disappearing from where I am. I can see the life I want, but I also see this longing to want to end my life. Would it really be that wrong to die? I know its not right, but its a means to an end. I went onto a psychiatric ward last month, since coming out, my support has reduced significantly. I now have no one I can talk to properly, I was not referred to anyone on discharge from hospital, I've been left to go it alone. I still don't see that everything can get better. I don't see that things can change. I see what I want, but I see hurdles that I can't get over. And no support. Maybe I should just give in? Maybe I should just accept I will never get better? I don't know. Confused and more lonely than I've ever felt

[happydoodle]

Also, he keeps telling me I'm depressed, that I'm suicidal, that I can't get on with my life because if these things. I didn't think I was, but he is telling me I am. Is he just being a bully? I don't know what's going on.

[witame]

Why don't you go back to the hospital? Or get into like an out patient program?

[SapphireNoir10]

Who is telling you that??

 

Could you go back to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling. Have they put you on any medication or referred you for counselling? It is time to push for the help you need.

 

It will get better, killing yourself is wrong. I am sure there are people that love you and care for you and would be hurt for the rest of their lives if you ended yours. Things always get better. I know that. I have contemplated it at times...but always decided that I had a good family and friends and that the world is beautiful place and I could improve things and I did.

[SapphireNoir10]

Here is what the NHS recommend on getting help for those in the UK

 

link removed

 

From that page 'Seeing your GP

 

It would also help to see your GP. They can advise you about appropriate treatment if they think you have a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety.

Your GP may be able to help you with access to talking therapies. Talking therapies, such as counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are often used to help people who have suicidal thoughts and usually involve talking about your feelings with a professional.'

 

and

 

Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you are feeling, or if you are worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at email removed.

[happydoodle]

*saphirenoire10, it is my partner telling me this. He was the reason I ended up in hospital before, he was an emotional abusive idiot. Made my life hell. He has calmed down loads since I was in hospital, but won't leave it where it is, in the past. I wasn't put on any medication, or referred to any counselling or therapy. They decided when I was in hospital that I wasn't depressed. If I feel suicidal again, I would risk losing my kids to him. I don't know what I need to do. I know I could go back to my gp, but I don't understand how anything they will do can change anything. I am excited about the future I want, I'm not depressed, its just the suicidal thoughts and feelings that I can't understand and get my head around. Will there ever be a time when I won't be contemplating suicide?

[SapphireNoir10]

I hope there will be a time for you when you don't contemplate it, but I feel like as long as your with someone who is abusive to you, and still sounds like he is abusive even if you say he has 'calmed down'.

 

If he is driving you to feel this way and to get so low and sucidial why do you stay with him? Is he the father of your children and do they live with you?

 

I think getting on a counselling waiting list could help as you could talk the feelings through with a professional to understand them better.

 

When I was with an emotionally abusive person my future seemed bleak and I felt depressed and suicidal a lot. As soon as we split up and the initial hurt was gone, I'd never felt more release or better.

[happydoodle]

Yes he is the father if my children. He been very adamant that he will not let me leave and take the kids. He tells me if I leave, I will be going alone. I know I need to see a solicitor and sort it all out legally, but what if I still have the suicidal thoughts after he's gone? I know I can't know how I will feel until I've done it, but I'm scared to give it a chance. I felt suicidal before I met him, is it just me? I don't know. I don't think its right or normal, but in hospital they decided I am able to make my own decisions, that if I did abutting, it was my choice. I don't want it to be my choice. I don't think I should be aloud to commit suicide. I don't know. I feel like I've made no sense here.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you need to see a new doctor. There is a lot of support and help out there. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. But I do think you should get a second opinion. Feeling suicidal all the time isn't the norm. There could be medication or counselling that would greatly improve your life.

 

You have made a lot of sense. You can be happy you just have to take life by the reins a bit. Demand help. Speak to a solicitor. You can do it. There a lot of laws out there to protect your rights as a mother, and there is a LOT of help out there. Why not ring one of the numbers and see what they say?

 

If your ever feeling suicidal again, come back here or give me a message. Sometimes it's good to put all the thoughts down to make sense of them.

[happydoodle]

Yes maybe I do need a second opinion. I feel like because I was discharged from hospital with no extra help and feeling as bad as I was, that I would just be wasting peoples time. I was desperate for help when I went to hospital, they said there was nothing they could do. That there was nothing wrong with me. I don't feel like its right. I don't know

[Alone Now]

If you were given medicine to take allow a couple or three weeks for it to start working because it won't happen overnight. If you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself you should definitely turn off the computer and go to the nearest hospital and explain what is going on! PLEASE seek help!

[SapphireNoir10]

I do know what you must be feeling. My friends sister overdosed and was discharged from hospital on a waiting list for counselling. She couldn't wait and managed to scrap together some money to pay for it herself. Is there anyway you could afford a few sessions?

 

I would seriously consider a second opinion and counselling or talking to a helpline. There is obviously something that is making you feel suicidal. It needs to be got to the bottom of and resolved. I'm sorry they haven't helped you as they should.

 

I would go to your GP and say that you are seriously contemplating suicide a lot of the time and you don't feel it's normal and you demand help. If they don't listen try a different one.

 

Or you could go straight to hospital and say your feeling suicidal.

 

Maybe try the samaritans and see what advice they have on what help is available.

[happydoodle]

I wasn't given any medication *Alone Now. I would say attending my local hospital would be a good idea, but they are pretty awful at dealing with suicidal people from my experiences with them. I couldn't really pay for a counsellor. Its not something I could afford.

I may try and send an email to samaritans and see if there is any advice they can offer. I have tried them in the past.

I will try my GP again too. I do want to move forward in my life, but I can't seem to leave behind these feelings. I want them gone. I know it won't be easy but there has to be something that can help

[SapphireNoir10]

Maybe write it all down and let your GP read it? If you find it hard to get accross how you feel by talking. They should be helping you more. These feelings can go.

[Hisilarn]

Leaving the father ofyour kids is a very hard decision. I think in this case you should definitely do that though. The sooner you do it the better. If you wait, nothing will change. I don't know where do you live, but in my country the children almost always stay with the mother, so don't let him terrorize you -- and I'm telling you this as a man. It won't be easy, but you should start a new life, if he's such a horrible person, you should get rid of him.

 

But please don't do anything stupid, you have your children too, you have your own free will, don't let others control your life. Seek help until you find the right people, talk to more doctors, talk to a lawyer. But don't give up, you're not alone, there are lots of people out there who can help you.