How do i learn to trust my bf?

[Justagirl19]

Thank you for your time.

 

I am having a hard time trusting my bf. we have been together 2 years. we dont live together. i have 2 kids from a previous relaitonship and my bf knows my kids and he thinks they are very hard to handle. He has no kids. I have my 2 boys and they are very entergentic and fight and get bored and we dont ever have alone time. I feel like my bf will leave me for any girl that walks his way and doesnt have kids. My bf has isssues with showing affection and attention. I have talked with him before about this and he says he will work on it but there are times we go all day and dont even kiss. Sometimes he doesnt wanna be intamate because my kids are in the house. Another reason im insecure is i have caught him texting with other girls while we've been broken up. He goes to the bar sometimes and doesnt tell me. we have broken up quite a few times actually becuase we argue a lot and he always runs off to the bar and who knows what he does. I recently found pictures of a bunch of random naked girls in his phone along with a home made porn video. He says they are from an old phone and they all transferred over and it was from 4 years ago. I also went thru his emails and found out he used to hook up with a lot of other girls before he met me, and it just makes me wonder if he really is faithful to me and only me. Especially since he has broken up with me so many times and has a past full of girls and hook ups. i have never caught him really cheating or trying to be with anyone else while were together, never caught hiim doing anything solid. BUT we dont live together and he could easily have anyone over at his house and i would never even know. I need help to trust him. He says my insecturites and all my interrogating is getting old and he is tired of me going thru his phone and ipad behind his back.

[pl3asehelp]

Loser. Move on. Being single would be better.

[Kristenelaine]

Why would you want to be with a man who couldnt handle your kids. Sorry, but they come first.

 

Find someone who has kids, or is good with kids

[Edmund Exley]

Well as someone said in your other thread, you are digging under rocks constantly looking for proof he is going to break up with you. Acting insanely and childishly jealous because he had sex with women before you. I have been in his shoes and I assure you it gets old trying to convince someone who simply is unwilling to trust you that they should trust you. I would say the fact that he has put up with it this long says he loves you a bunch.

 

First step of learning to trust. Stop digging through his stuff looking for reasons not to trust him. If you cant trust him then YOU should leave him. No one deserves to be interrogated and have someone constantly sneaking through their things behind their back.

[Edmund Exley]

Why would you want to be with a man who couldnt handle your kids. Sorry, but they come first.

 

Find someone who has kids, or is good with kids

 

I think she is just using that as an excuse to justify her fear that he will leave her. If the kids were that big a problem for him he wouldnt be putting up with all the other insecure behaviours she is constantly subjecting him too

[metrogirl]

Rule number one as a parent, you never ever ever put a man before your children.

 

If he thinks your children are hard to handle, then they are probably are and it could be because they need/want your attention. They don't have that from you if you are too pre-occupied with his daily activities.

[Justagirl19]

sometimes i think about that actually.......

[Justagirl19]

Why would you want to be with a man who couldnt handle your kids. Sorry, but they come first.

 

Find someone who has kids, or is good with kids

 

Well its not that he cant handle them, becuase he does for 2 years now, but i think its harder for us to do things and have any alone time together because i always have my kids. And i do put them first, in turn, puts my bf last, in turn hurts our relationship in a way. He never says anything, but i can see it.

[Justagirl19]

I think she is just using that as an excuse to justify her fear that he will leave her. If the kids were that big a problem for him he wouldnt be putting up with all the other insecure behaviours she is constantly subjecting him too

 

that is true, i have asked him before if the kids are a deal breaker and he said no. and he has told me as well if he didnt wanna be with me cause of my kids, he wouldnt. but i KNOW it hurts our relationship. for example, he has told me girls he has dated before that dont have kids just come over to his house and they go out and do things on the weekends. but with us, or me, we dont see each other during the week at all because he works late and ii have to be home with the kids and doing hw and baths and dinner. and on the weekends we have to take the kids where ever we go and going to dinner or anywhere is a huge mission and not romantic or fun at all. but i guess if he didnt love me, he would leave me. Well maybe thats why he has broken up with me so many times. but then he always comes back and wants to work things out. ugh so confusing. I just really feel like he would leave me for any girl that walks his way, that either looks better or doesnt have kids. If another girl shows interest and doesnt give up, i think he would dump me.

[Justagirl19]

Rule number one as a parent, you never ever ever put a man before your children.

 

If he thinks your children are hard to handle, then they are probably are and it could be because they need/want your attention. They don't have that from you if you are too pre-occupied with his daily activities.

 

You could be absoulutly right. I think i do give too much to him. We always do what he wants to do. And on the weekends is the only time he has to commit to his dogs and his house, so thats all he wants to do is clean the house, do his laundry, play with his dogs or work on the various home improvment projects he has on the house. He says he has no other time becuase he works 11 - 12 hour days during the week. Which i understnad but the kids cant just come over and do nothing. they have no toys there, the only tv is the one in his room and they cant just sit there and watch tv all day. So its either we all sit there bored while he does his stuff, or we (the kids and i) go off on our own and go to the park or wherever without my bf.

[Justagirl19]

Well as someone said in your other thread, you are digging under rocks constantly looking for proof he is going to break up with you. Acting insanely and childishly jealous because he had sex with women before you. I have been in his shoes and I assure you it gets old trying to convince someone who simply is unwilling to trust you that they should trust you. I would say the fact that he has put up with it this long says he loves you a bunch.

 

First step of learning to trust. Stop digging through his stuff looking for reasons not to trust him. If you cant trust him then YOU should leave him. No one deserves to be interrogated and have someone constantly sneaking through their things behind their back.

 

Yes i will start with that. no more looking in his phone or ipad and no more interrogating. I am really going to try and do that. I just think that if i never ever snooped in his phone, i would have never known about any of the pics or vids he had in there, or that girl he text while we broke up. i feel i would be naive and dumb letting him get away with all that. i dunno.

[Edmund Exley]

Yes i will start with that. no more looking in his phone or ipad and no more interrogating. I am really going to try and do that. I just think that if i never ever snooped in his phone, i would have never known about any of the pics or vids he had in there, or that girl he text while we broke up. i feel i would be naive and dumb letting him get away with all that. i dunno.

 

OK and now you know and how has that helped you?

[Edmund Exley]

If you cant take the fear that he may dump you then you should leave him and find someone you dont have these worries about. You are actually punishing him for not dumping you.

[LonelyGirl10]

I disagree somewhat with what Edmund is telling you. I agree that you shouldn't go through his things, and you doing that shows that you are insecure. However, I also think that you have a right to be insecure based on the things you've put in this thread (haven't read your other threads). It sounds like he might be cheating. You can either stop going through his stuff and try to trust him, or break up with him. Personally, my advice is to break up with him.

[Justagirl19]

OK and now you know and how has that helped you?

 

thats a great question. I guess it has only helped me know who he really is, or used to be. And i can consider all that i know, before taking a furthur step in our relationship, ie moving in together.

[Justagirl19]

If you cant take the fear that he may dump you then you should leave him and find someone you dont have these worries about. You are actually punishing him for not dumping you.

 

ya i know i have to take that fear away. and im really trying to. actually, he has no idea i feel this way or this strongly about any of this. He doesnt know i looked in his emails either. So what do u suggest i do? just be cool, be nice, be loving and move forward in hopes it all works out? dont be crazy and jealous, dont question him, just be cool?

[Justagirl19]

I disagree somewhat with what Edmund is telling you. I agree that you shouldn't go through his things, and you doing that shows that you are insecure. However, I also think that you have a right to be insecure based on the things you've put in this thread (haven't read your other threads). It sounds like he might be cheating. You can either stop going through his stuff and try to trust him, or break up with him. Personally, my advice is to break up with him.

 

if i found solid evidence he is cheating, i would FOR SURE leave him. But i cannot find any solid proof. I do love him and my kids love him, i just dont want to be cheated on and wish wish wish i knew if he was cheating. After all the snooping ive done, emails, texts, calls, and i talk to him every single night before bed and all that, you would think i would have found something by now. were together every single weekend. either he is at my house or im at his. and during the week we always talk on the phone. so i dont think he is actually cheating, but then part of me says, he could be having anyone he wants over late at night after we say goodnight. very easily, but then again he may not be, he might be just going to sleep like he says. He lives alone so it would be very easy for someone to stop by late night and i would NEVER know. but i dont think he is doing that. i dont know. he is a very sexual man and i dont see him all week long. hmmmm