this is getting really rediculous

[wanderer]

ok, so you know that my ex gf dumped me 3 months ago. by now i'm getting over her, and i'm actually coming to terms with her new amazing boyfriend that she loves so much and all that. all in all, i'm doing really well getting over her. i'm feeling better about myself and i'm not worrying about her very much at all, a big imporovement from a few weeks ago.

 

but now it's all coming back again. now she's getting friendlier with my longtime friend who i've known since first grade. my friends have seen them going to the place in our school where she KNOWS i hang out all the time. before this, she never went there because she knew me and my friends don't want to see her face. it's like she wants me to notice the two of them flirting with each other. (nobody knows if they have been fooling around or anything, but "flirty" is what my friends toldl me)

 

on the flip side, i'm actually starting to get closer with a different girl at my school, which is great because it's helping me forget about the bad ex. but my friends are suggesting that maybe she's doing this because she's upset that i'm happy and i'm "over" her. they think it's possible that she doesn't want to see me better off than when i was with her so she's going to flirt with my close friend to piss me off. my friend, by the way, is probably sucking it all up because this is probably the first time a girl's been "interested" in him. in the past, my ex would always say she didn't like this guy or she hated talking to him. why would she change her mind so suddenly?? and this guy is my friend, who supported me when she first dumped me, and has been a trustworthy friend for as long as i can remember. now he's stabbing me in the back! i don't know what to do, but i do know that i refuse to let this girl ruin my life again, and i refuse to let my friend stab me in the back like this.

[Beec]

If she broke up with you and hurt you, then be done with her. You are heading that way, apparently, you are healing. Try not to let her bother you.

 

The biggest and best thing you can do is to act like nothing she does bothers you.

 

And if she really is a "bad ex", then you should not want her anymore. You are right in not wanting her to ruin your life. But if you are done with her, let your friend enjoy the attention or better yet, warn him about her, wish him luck if her won't take your warning, and be a friend after he gets dumped. Come on, you don't want her, why shouldn't he enjoy some female attention? Being the bigger person is the thing that will bring the other, better, women to you. Show it bothers you, and they will move away.

[wanderer]

i'm doing my best to not let her immaturity bother me. what really bothers me is that this guy is totally turning his back on our friendship. he should know better; he knows she already has a boyfriend, he knows i would hate his guts if he tied to get with her. why is he backstabbing me like this when he clealy knows better?

 

another thing; when we were dating and even afterward, she would always tell me how annoying this guy is and how much she disliked him. was she lying about that too??

 

i understand your point beec, but i can't just let my friend of 12 years just destroy our friendship and ruin his own dignity by being friendly with this crazy girl. this whole situation doesn't make any sense to me. i'm not going to confront my ex about it: i think she wants me to acknowledge that she's doing this. but i simply cannot let my friend betray me like this when he swore to me that he wouldn't give her the time of day.

[Beec]

Some decent looking woman comes hitting on him for the first time in his life, how much will power do you think he has to resist that?

 

If you were talking about a guy who had been around the block a few times, I would think he might be able to resist a little. A guy who has never had any attention before this, who be able to fight off a grizzly bear easier than resist her.

 

Maybe you shun him for know, then be there when he is licking his wounds. You other option is to tell him he can do it, and it won't bother you, but he should know, he is going to get burned.

[wanderer]

i don't disagree with what you're saying, but ideally i'd love to be able to stop her from doing this.

[Beec]

Well, I don't see how you can do that, unless she just doesn't want to do it. And to make her not want to, I think you should ignore it. No idea what else could work.