Totally overwhelmed by emotions

[Nwadour]

It's going on since months.

Now I've come to the point of self injury.... maybe just in order to attract the attention of other people...

 

I perfectly know everything about the world of psychology, and about emotions... but they are stronger in my brain! They have conquered their place of hegemony in my mind!

Although I KNOW that I DONT WANT to do it... that I'm just wasting time... I'm automatically doing what my emotions tell me.

 

The reason of all this is my failure in life!

 

I was once the best at school. In marks. But I didn't care a heck about friends! I didn't care at all about being like the people of my age! I didn't care at all about society! I happily lived with my wonderful marks! And I was excellent!

 

Then I "realized" that marks weren't all in life!

You also need society! etc... I suppose you know all this process!

Well... I became a social genius! People sometimes tell me that "if all people were like me in this world, it would be perfect"

 

But my old friends/school friends continued seeing me as an idiot/etc.

 

I recently noted very disappointedly... that

now... I'm suddenly among the worst of the school...

 

It all happened in this short period in which I became who I am now... and I am truly satisfied with my social being...

 

But it's as if... the price for all that was the loss of my skills...

 

I really got violent.... when I got back the results of my last examinations!!!

 

You cannot call this perfectionism! I study as always! I behave as always and the only difference is that now I have friends...

I have become WORSE there's no doubt!

 

WHY?

 

But my main priority is getting good marks now!

In a few months I'm out of school... and all these years I was the absolute... excellent... top student!...

 

The only connection is that it's all fault of the fact that I started improving my social being... don't you think so?

 

I tried to sever all my social contacts... and concentrate only on studies... but what happens?

 

Even more feelings... more moral thinking...

 

Please... PLEASE... don't tell me anything except

HOW TO GAIN AGAIN MY STATE AS A BRIGHT STUDENT!!!!

 

It's so depressing that I get such marks...

 

sorry... maybe I wasn't even clear in this post... it's all because of my emotions...

 

I'm still sensible enough not to kill myself...

 

Please don't tell me anything! Don't tell me to be satisfied! To be happy with what I have! I certainly know who I am... I know my marks... and I perfectly know how serious my situation at school is...

I won't calm down until I have excellent marks again...

 

I'm prepared to sever all contacts with anyone in order to get to a good university...

 

Please... give me encouragement!

 

I need words that will guide me back to the top... I only tried to improve in one field... and that... killed the other...

 

Please... encourage me to go on and not stay here! I don't want my everdreamt wish of graduating at Cambridge/Oxford/etc. to vanish just because of... this...

[Beec]

I think your attitude about you being prepared to give up a lot to get your marks back up says a lot. Get them up, and then, maybe, see if you can work back in some social life. There's a balance you need to find as to what is important to you. Find it, and live with it.

[soon2bfamous]

you need to look in the mirror, and ask your self what the heck your doing.

 

life gets hard, but you cant let a few problems kill you. i to am a perfectionists, and for a long time i was a cutter as well, but i got help, and now im back on top.

 

i know seeing a shrink probly isnt wat ur looking for but it helped me,

i was failing high school and really depressed all the time.

 

but sense i got help. im not a high honors student, im on the varsity soccer, basketball, and crew boat.

 

keep trying, and dont b afriad to talk to someone you trust

[Alabama]

Is it worth it? Will you reach the top and achieve everything? Perhaps. Think about this...your planning to rid yourself of all your friends for great success...is really worth it? It's your choice on what you want to do...but please think about it...good luck.

[Nwadour]

1) I'm not cutting my wrists... but with "self-injury" I mean that in front of other people I often start behaving like an idiot, like I'm mad, either because I subconsciously cry out for attention, or because I'm exceedingly self-pitying myself....

 

2) Being an excellent student is for me BEING MYSELF!

Without it I CANNOT do social contact.

Without it I lose my identity...

Actually, in wise terms, I see knowledge, and personal strength as something that UNIFIES sociality/friends and school etc.

I don't see it as two different things!!

But from the results it seems as if I AM somehow... because of whoever knows what... LIMITED in my energy!

I know A LOTS of people who don't divide friends and school into two different things and are still among the best students of the school AND at the same time very social/charismatic.

ACCORDING TO MY RESULTS I see myself as an inferior being to them, since I need this "balance" between "two different fields of life"!

 

3) I am NOT perfectionist, I repeat!

I don't believe that there is anything perfect in this world!

My problem is that I WAS an excellent student and now I'm not ANYMORE!

When I WAS an excellent student I didn't consider myself perfect!

 

4) I have often thought about the fact that I may be obsessive about studying... but it is not an obsession:

It's a mathematical, logical consequence of all I've learned about the world.

IT WOULD BE A DEFEAT TO REMAIN WORSE RIGHT NOW!

AND ALL OTHER SIDE-HAPPINESSES AND SATISFACTIONS ARE ONLY A MERE CONSOLATION... AN ILLUDING EMOTION!

 

I really want to know WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME!!!

WHY CAN'T I BE WHO I WANT TO?

 

This is all against natural laws...

[Alabama]

Because it's not human. Your trying to worry about studing and social skills and finding a balance right? Well, that's not always possible. It takes a great deal of time to study, but also a great deal of time to handle social situations. I suggest one or the other...it's too hard to balance the two...you're welcome to try though...do whatever you wish, but keep in mind what you'll get in the end...no happiness what so ever. It's your choice...I just hope you choose the one you're happy with...