Dreamed about us getting back together.... And I was doing so well!

[aseeker]

Today I woke up after a really awful dream. Well, it was great while I was experiencing it but after waking up I felt so empty and lost and confused...

 

I thought I was finally getting over my ex. I didn't think so much about him anymore, kept myself busy, hung out with other people, even met a guy I really enjoy being friends with (I don't want anything more at this point) and everything seemed to be taking its course. I was finally accepting the fact that I didn't have my boyfriend anymore and never would again.

 

But then I had a dream where we talked over the phone and suddenly things had changed and we wanted to be together again. He confessed what he'd been doing with other girls, which was mostly just flirting, and that it hadn't meant anything to him. I couldn't tell him about my new friend. Then he showed up and we held hands but when I looked at him it wasn't him, it was a ill-looking stranger. I immediately freaked out. Then my ex came and took me away from that person, and I felt safe and cared for. It was like old times when I would be upset and he would sooth me. It was sickeningly sweet. That stranger disappeared and my new friend came into the picture, introducing himself and talking about us casually. Then the dream ended.

 

I think this whole thing started because yesterday my ex sent me a facebook pm (yes, we're still friends...) asking to send his dvds back to him whenever I could. Previously, he had liked a bunch of posts I'd made. He hadn't done that for a while so it was weird. As usual, he was completely casual and even addressed me as "dude" which I found laughable because that's how best friends treat each other in our circle.

 

Either way, after not hearing from him for so long, that message shook me up a little. Not much, though. I think it's just his coolness and complete disregard for the situation that make me so angry and emotional. He keeps acting like nothing bad happened between us, that we're totally fine. True, I haven't exactly talked to him properly about how I feel and how I'm still hurting and how our connection messes me up sometimes, but any human being would be sensible enough to think that, right? I mean, he asked me for some time and I gave it to him. I respected him. But he's the one who keeps breaking it (not respecting me at all), mostly because of his stuff. He had the chance to take his dvds with him the last time we were together but he said he'd take them some other time. And now he's in a hurry? Well, I need time and his dvds can wait.

 

I told him this week wouldn't do and that I would contact him afterwards. That was all. I've been trying my best to be curt and cold, because I can't be fake anymore. I can't be smiley and accepting of his attitude. I know subtlety is probably a waste but I think he will get it sooner or later. He hasn't responded yet.

 

The thing is, I feel delivering his stuff will be my chance to really spill out everything I feel. I just want him to understand that I don't know if we can be friends, and even if we can, it's not right now. I need my time. Even if he doesn't give a damn about me or my feelings, I need that step to feel completely healed and severe that relationship for good. And if I decide to send his things through a friend, I don't know if I will ever have that chance. I need that to move on. I can't keep acting like nothing's wrong and I don't know how to say it through a message. I mean, that would not be the same and he probably wouldn't get it anyway. I'm scared that he won't want to hear it, that he'll simply take his stuff and go and never speak to me again. That even if he acts friendly, he won't want to talk about our relationship. But that's a risk I have to take.

 

I'm still a bit in love with him, I'm not going to deny it. But I don't think I would get back to him if he asked me. In the dream I had those same worries: that it was too late, that we wouldn't work out, that what I felt for him wasn't enough anymore, that this was for the best. And yet I felt really good in his arms. Am I just needy? This guy made my life a living hell for over two weeks and yet expects me to be fine about it and be friends. That's basically what's ticking me off so much (and the fact that I dreamed about us getting back together. Is that my mind's way of telling me I still want that? Even subconsciously? I hate having to admit I have just receded in my healing )

 

I don't feel as shaken anymore but it has definitely disturbed me and my balance What should I do from now on? See him or not? Tell him or not?

[Xylitol]

As long as you keep the old rod and fishing line in the water, the fish will keep try to bite.

 

So how to say it, keeping in touch with your ex is a bad idea.

 

I mean i have heard this story a million times, were girls fish with multiple rods,

 

The ex is gone, but they keep that line and link, a new guy comes, but then gets rebound once the ex shows up.

 

It comes down to that your new bf is nr 2 in your life, and the ex is nr.1 that you want to be with, hence you are saying i am still in love with him.

 

Subconsciously you always hoped to get back together with him. I feel sorry for your new bf, i would apologize to him, or at least break all contact with your ex, and get that line out of the water.

 

My advice, walking with two legs in two buckets of water is not recommended. Stick with one bucket.

[aseeker]

He's not my boyfriend, we hang out as friends. But things might evolve yes.

 

I am pulling the line from the water because of what happened recently. I feel no desire to get back to my ex after the way he treated me, and I won't jeopardize a good, healthy relationship with someone else because of him. Yes, it's too early but I didn't plan for it to happen... I just don't know whether I should tell him or not about my ex and I breaking up a month ago. I'm scared he will not want to be with me anymore for fear of being hurt, etc. Or worse, that he feels I've been hiding this from him to hurt him...