What should I do or say?

[Josh G.]

Ok, If youve read some of my previous posts, You know what was going on, well things are going alot better now with my gf, we always talk, we hang around together alot, but we havnt done anything important really (like kissed or hugged or stuff), but here is my new question, there is some guy, who she kinda hates, hes is really annoying, they are friends kind of, but she tells me how much he bugs her, and he bugs me and everyone else, IM nice to him, I always talk to him, but he is kind of loser, but that doesnt really matter, here is the problem, he always sits next to her, always touches (constantly) liek grabs her hands and stuff, or tries tickling her, or grabs he pens and books and stuff, she just sits there and kind of laughs, and just takes it, (i think she just is being nice, shes a friendly person, if she has a problem with someone she wont tell them) but it bugs the hell out of me, Im not a jealous person, if she talks to guys i dont care, im not controlive, but for some reason this just furates me, I try to let some steam out but grabbing something and squeazing it really tight, but i dont know if I'll be able to control myself if I jump up and started beating the hell out of him, I think I should talk to him about, like I said, I have no problem withn him any other time, just around her, but I dont want him saying anything to my gf abotu it and making me look like a jerk. At first he used to sit infront of her, but he got moved cuz he kept being a distractment by talkint to her, so now he pulls a chairup to her desk and sits there, when the teacher is done talking, I sit right next to her anyways. What really gets me, IS before me and her were going out, I asked him if he liked her, and he said no, and he gave me a whole bunch of reason that would have made sense for him not to liek her, and he told me that they are jsut friends, and he wasnt so bad before we were going out, He obviously must liek her. Does anybody have some suggestions what I can do about it, Pretty soon Im just going to explode and do something stupid, thanks in advance for help.

[Josh G.]

By the way, I cant believe how the heck I put this in this forum? It should have been under jealousy, oops!

[Celadon]

Hey Josh G.

 

Yeah, I think he definitely has a crush on your gf. That is SO inappropriate, but if he's not that with it, maybe he's not thinking straight. You know how emotions are - he's just glad someone is nice to him probably.

 

Anyway, it's understandable you don't like him hanging all over your gf. But I can't decide whether to advise you to talk with him or with her. This is not an issue of "controlling" either one of them. It's really a matter of whether you feel somewhat disrespected by the fact that it's happening and neither she nor he is aware of how you feel.

 

I'd try to solve this problem by talking about it with your gf, but not making a big deal about it. Maybe tell her you want to talk 'cause something's been bugging you a little. You shouldn't insult the other guy to her face (like, don't say "I can't believe you let that loser grab your hand all the time" - 'cause that makes you look bad and weak).

 

But instead, say, "I know you're wanting to be nice to him and I understand that, 'cause he's not a bad guy. But you should know I don't feel really comfortable with him being so close to you all the time. It's bugging me, and I'm thinking of talking to him about it. What do you think?" Then LISTEN to her.

 

Assuming she agrees, you can talk with the guy and say that your gf feels uncomfortable when he does that or that she's being polite because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings -- and can he please knock it off!

 

Well, that's my advice. Hope it helps. Let us know what happens!

[Josh G.]

Hey, well today, I didnt find a good time to talk about it today, he is in my first period class and he always comes up and talks to me, Like I said, Im pretty friendly to everyone so me and him just talked, I was going to say something if anything was brought up about her, anyways in 4th period, the class we all have together, I acted A little more aggressive, I wasnt mean, but I just didnt make conversation with him, I stuck around my gf, real good, kind of like a shield, but made it seem casual, and if he talked to me, I just answered simply, like ya, sure, whatever, stuff like that, kinda acted a bit annoyed, so he just went and sat down, and left her alone, He turned around and talked to me a couple times, so I went back to normal, I think things went good today, I didnt have to confront anyone about it, and everyone was happy, so If anybody else has the same problem, this seemed to work good.

[Celadon]

Cool - glad it worked out for you!