Is putting money and searching for a GF ahead of my Mental Health bad?

[Panther_Dude]

I just got a part time gig at a retail store...looking for a GF...but I have issues, lots...just gonna say I can be moody/depressed at times and have bad thoughts...

 

 

My question is, I feel it's easier and maybe best to just work and make money, money being the best medicine hopefully. And get a woman to go out with me. But I have issues...and I know I will never have the courage to get help. Doesn't matter how many boards I go to...IRL I am ball less on this issue.

 

 

Catch-22 issue. ...I get help and probably never get a GF. I don't get help and something eventually bad happens due to me being moody/depressed and seslf injury taking it's toll.

[abitbroken]

If you get help, you have a chance of meeting a woman who is mentally healthy. If you don't get help, you may never meet someone, or you could easily meet a woman who is equally self destructive. A healthy woman will not be into you or only put up with it for a short time. A woman equally as destructive or self loathing + you = major assisted downward spiral. So - what would you rather have? BTW, you can work, work , work and get the help you need while you are working. And you might just get promoted or more hours or even a different job as a step up when you are less moody.

[wolflovesmoon]

if you lack something, you cannot give it to someone, Love, stability, Mental and physical health, good attitude in life, contentment, etc, You need to work on your self to be able to give everything you can to a woman, you can achieve that by seeking help ( nothing is wrong with that, the best of us needs help) making money will make you feel good about your self, help you be financially stable, but not necessary happy, healthy, but fixing issues will, and when you are ready, believe me, more than one woman will want to be with you, women loves nothing but a stable, confident, hardworking man.

[Panther_Dude]

if you lack something, you cannot give it to someone, Love, stability, Mental and physical health, good attitude in life, contentment, etc, You need to work on your self to be able to give everything you can to a woman, you can achieve that by seeking help ( nothing is wrong with that, the best of us needs help) making money will make you feel good about your self, help you be financially stable, but not necessary happy, healthy, but fixing issues will, and when you are ready, believe me, more than one woman will want to be with you, women loves nothing but a stable, confident, hardworking man.

 

 

But isn't that shallow? I don't believe in Marriage...it's outdated imho...but if you marry, it's for better or worst. So, since I am at my worst and no one wants me...what's the point?

[abitbroken]

But isn't that shallow? I don't believe in Marriage...it's outdated imho...but if you marry, it's for better or worst. So, since I am at my worst and no one wants me...what's the point?

 

What can a man who self harms, is moody, depressed and might barely be able to put food on the table for himself offer to someone in a relationship? It is not shallow to want to be with someone who has generally stable moods, is happy with themselves and enjoys doing things in life - and has fun. In otherwords, someone who wants to share the joy they have. In "for better and for worse" - If mental instability, depression and being afraid to get help is you at your best, I would hate to see what the "worse" part is.

[Panther_Dude]

I know I need help...and I have lots of fixings to do, like either find a second job or go back to school for starters. Make money, move out, seek metal help, keep mental help/meds on the down low...but yet another problem.

 

I cannot fix myself so I can find a girl friend. I'm in my mid 20's and very inexperience...it has to be for myself. Another issue is since I believe the country will collapse due to a weak dollar, 16.8T national debt...this country has issues, I have issues, it all seems to be just hitting the fan. Of course, a bankruptcy of the USA isn't a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I mean, we are ''bankrupt'' and going over a ''cliff''. Just not like....officially. Like my love/hate for sleep, I have a love/hate with politics.

[abitbroken]

I know I need help...and I have lots of fixings to do, like either find a second job or go back to school for starters. Make money, move out, seek metal help, keep mental help/meds on the down low...but yet another problem.

 

I cannot fix myself so I can find a girl friend. I'm in my mid 20's and very inexperience...it has to be for myself. Another issue is since I believe the country will collapse due to a weak dollar, 16.8T national debt...this country has issues, I have issues, it all seems to be just hitting the fan. Of course, a bankruptcy of the USA isn't a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I mean, we are ''bankrupt'' and going over a ''cliff''. Just not like....officially. Like my love/hate for sleep, I have a love/hate with politics.

 

It is not an either or - get a second job OR get help OR go to school. Getting help is the only way everything else will work more successfully. You can get help AND go back to school. You can get help AND move out, etc.

 

You can only control/improve your own personal issues. You are using what may or may not happen in the nation as a distraction to working through your issues.

 

The one "going over a cliff" is YOU if you don't start somewhere with getting some help.

[Panther_Dude]

It is not an either or - get a second job OR get help OR go to school. Getting help is the only way everything else will work more successfully. You can get help AND go back to school. You can get help AND move out, etc.

 

You can only control/improve your own personal issues. You are using what may or may not happen in the nation as a distraction to working through your issues.

 

The one "going over a cliff" is YOU if you don't start somewhere with getting some help.

 

 

Well, I want to keep this a secret from family. So, I need a second job. Then I need...health insurance. In fact, I need a second job to afford health insurance or I 'LOL pay a fine'. Of course the fine is sadly likely to be a couple hundred or so cheaper than insurance, but I need insurance to get help.

 

So I guess my main option (for now)...is talk to people here or call a hotline.

[abitbroken]

Well, I want to keep this a secret from family. So, I need a second job. Then I need...health insurance. In fact, I need a second job to afford health insurance or I 'LOL pay a fine'. Of course the fine is sadly likely to be a couple hundred or so cheaper than insurance, but I need insurance to get help.

 

So I guess my main option (for now)...is talk to people here or call a hotline.

 

Believe me, your family knows there is an issue. Your parents know that you are depressed, are a depressive or moody personality. if they too are that way they recognize you are like them and if they are not, they have noticed. I think you should talk to a family member unless they are all in jail for violent crimes, etc. or are drug addicts. I think you are trying to control things and the fact is that you are out of control - otherwise things would be peachy and great. There is no way this is under the radar. Dont kid yourself. Its just your pride that is preventing you from getting help.

 

As far as counseling, there are support groups you can go to for free and some counselors work on a sliding scale as well. just start somewhere. sometimes there are even interns who are working through graduate school in psychology who are doing their clinicals that see people for free or a low cost basis as well. Also, if you attend church or used to, get leads from there.

 

As far as health insurance, you can get cheap catastrophic insurance from around $100 a month. It may not cover counseling but might give you access to a network, or you will also only have to pay up to your deductible.

[Panther_Dude]

My Dad is moody. Anger issues. Ex-Marine, did 20 years somehow. Guess I take after him in a way...I can mostly keep it under control at work. But at home...stress. My brother is deaf...behaviour issues...he's a adult like me. I am his legal Guardian when parents pass. Or maybe my sister will be, I dunno.

 

I figure something out. Thanks.

[abitbroken]

My Dad is moody. Anger issues. Ex-Marine, did 20 years somehow. Guess I take after him in a way...I can mostly keep it under control at work. But at home...stress. My brother is deaf...behaviour issues...he's a adult like me. I am his legal Guardian when parents pass. Or maybe my sister will be, I dunno.

 

I figure something out. Thanks.

 

You need to stop worrying about things outside of your control. Firstly, a lot of deaf people are just as productive and capable as hearing people, thanks to both the internet and other technologies that able them to communicate with just about anyone. I know a deaf computer programmer who is pretty brilliant and a I worked with a deaf person who did a sorting job in a mail room and both supported themselves fine. Hopefully, your parents will live for many years. Maybe they will outlive him, maybe your sister will be the guardian or maybe just maybe he won't need one. But why worry about that now and why consider that as a "problem" in life right now? It doesn't hold you back from ANYTHING right now. And I hope your brother isn't reading that you imply that he will be a burden to you.

 

 

Apparently your dad had a career despite being moody. He might have become angry from combat he saw or maybe that is just his personality - but he managed to have a career, a place to live, kids, etc., so you can't say that he is causing you to be unsuccessful. I see where you are maybe wanting to show it runs in the family....but if so, it could point to something chemical and that with help, you could work on it with medication or dietary changes depending on what it is. So all is not lost.

 

Stop making excuses and just do something. Everyone has things in life that are bummers - and they choose whether or not to decide if they are burdens or not

[Panther_Dude]

My brother can't read that good. I mean...he knows how to look up porn and games..and knows curse words...but I'm not too sure on his level of reading. I just know its pre-High school level. He's very good at video games...cause he plays way more than me.

 

My Dad wasn't...isn't just moody. He is two face. Cool, calm in public mostly and mostly at work...but at home he's....ugh. Apparently, the moody runs on the women side of his family. And one time I heard him say something to the affect that his Dad beat him in the head once over something. My Dad never saw any action in his 20 years. He got a knee surgery ''very close'' to being deployed in the middle east in the early 90's I believe. I forget why it was so close/last second. I think it was just the way it was sch.

 

How about...for the time being...I post about my feelings on this board. Instead of being so in and out on here...I just post here weekly about things in life.

 

Example. Today was my last day of training at the retail clothing store I work at. Tomorrow I begin in my main job description...and I pretty much have a set sch of 4 hours a day 4 days a week. Sometimes it's less, sometimes it's more. Depends on if a ''truck'' comes in that day.

 

I did something I thought I could never really do...rang up two customers at work. Even though my main job isn't cashier, everybody has to be trained as well ''just in case''. My back hurts from 4 hours of standing.

 

I know I won't be a burden. I got a job, granted part time. And *shocker* it makes me feel good. Just have to decide in the coming months if I want a second job or go to school while working part time...FYI, at times Dad and I get along. Just....not always. Sports and shows/movies mostly...we talk...I didn't even think...I would still be...replying to this...I do have a friend in medical school I used to talk to about stuff like this...maybe I should talk to him some more.

[poetryandlyrics]

Deaf people are productive. I take offense at what you're implying about your brother. I am Deaf. We are capable. A lot of us do things. I know actors, nurses, therapists, businesses manages, doctors, snowboarding professional, etc. And honestly, don't imply that your brother is mentally incape because his English skills are low. It's not the Deaf people's fault but the hearing system. I know my Deaf history. And I've faced some issues from hearing people with my own communication access. My father is a typical hearing person that refused me a lot of communication access, and if it wasn't for my mother, is be like my mother. She has low English skills and she lived in a different time. The reason why your brother does not have better English skills is not his fault. If he had ASL opportunities, better educational and/or support system, regarding his own family background. A lot of Deaf people's English skills are poor if there born to hearing parents, and sadly they're the majority because they're always for ugh them to match up to their standards. But a few of us with Deaf parents, we succeed more. Independent, better English skills, etc. gee, I wonder why.

 

Now knock it off with him being a burden. He is an adult. He can take care of himself. Even if he has emotional issues, he's like a normal people with emotional issues, and he should take care of that himself. Not because he's deaf.

 

And regarding everything else... I agree with abitbroken.

[Panther_Dude]

First off, I don't think I ever said deaf people are not productive. I'm sure there are quite a few deaf people out there who beat out my work ethic. Second, in my brother's case he wasn't even fit to be accepted at the school of the deaf years ago due to his behavior. I think the only thing he can do with his skills from school is janitor work. I do agree with you...he just didn't have the best family system. He can technical hear, has a implant. But...well, **** happened that falls on family, him, me, etc.

 

As for me...I have no idea when I will go to the doctor...I don't want to think about it. Looking for a second part time job...got a lead already and I think I may soon be working part time 7 days a week if things work out. More than likely, I will try to do a payment plan out of pocket at the doctor office sooner or later.

 

Yes, I'm know I'm broken...I'm well enough to work (duh) but sooner or later, sooner, I...I need the prescription meds. I'm still gonna drink caffeine...still gonna be a vegetarian...gonna be a night owl...but meds, depending on the strength of them and side-effects I need. Now when I get a car and my own place...therapy would be nice. But I gotta keep this secret from family. Hiding meds is just gonna be easier in the short term.