What do I do? Need to set things straight...

[aseeker]

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He said he still wanted us to remain friends because we'd been through a lot together, but that we shouldn't talk for at least a month. Right after we left each other he sent me a text telling me to text him when I got home so he knew I was ok. This was something he usually did when we were dating so I guess everything was still to fresh in my mind for me to react properly. I was too upset to think not to do it, so I did. He then told me to get better from my foot (which I had broken the week before) and I said "I'll try" to which he replied "you WILL do it" plus something else I don't recall.

 

Two weeks later he sent a facebook private message: "happy birthday ^^ big kiss and I hope you get happy". Again, I was so shocked that I just replied "thanks I wish the same for you". I regretted it instantly because I did NOT feel happy or glad or even remotely appreciative of his gesture, plus I was so confused why he had acted like nothing had happened. I definitely did not wish the same for him.

 

This weekend he sent me a text asking if I had given his number to anyone. My heart literally jumped out of my chest when I saw his number. But I had decided not to act like an idiot again. But I felt I would reply because I still stupidly want us to be friends and didn't think that would affect our "relationship" anymore tha not replying. I texted him back an hour later with a "no", which I thought was pretty neutral. He answered "alright".

 

I try not to think too much about these things but I do. A lot. I know they don't mean anything, and I know he's just playing games with me. Probably wants to know I'm still there when he needs me. The thing is I've been ignoring him these past few weeks. I have not unfriended him on facebook because I don't feel comfortable just yet. I'm waiting to have a serious talk to him to set things straight, because he says we are friends but I don't think I can be friends with him when he's betrayed my trust this much, acts like an ******** and we've had no contact whatsoever (except these 3 texts). I don't know what he's doing or with whom and I honestly don't want to know because it will hurt me a lot.

 

I've excluded him from my feeds and appear offline to him on the chat just so I don't have to see if he's online. Granted, I do see his likes on other people's posts but that's not as bad. He keeps liking things I post, even though I haven't been to facebook much (I've lost most will to do, whereas I would spend many hours there. Now I do my best to avoid him and being off facebook is a good way to do it). I don't talk to our mutual friends much, just casual stuff. I do have a few of his things that he said he wanted back whenever I could give them to him (he said it the day he broke up with me), but I have yet to do it. I feel it's a great opportunity to talk, but I don't feel ready to face him just yet.

 

I don't know what I want to tell him. I just know I feel so hurt and damaged and I need him to know that. I guess I just need him to show some remorse... Anything. It hurts to know he doesn't care about me anymore, even if he says he does because we're friends and I can always go to him whenever I need it. How can someone do such a thing out of the blue?

 

Of course I want him to still like me and for us to get back together. But I know it's impossible. He said he didn't feel that much for me anymore. Every day I think it's a wasted day; that I could have talked to him, tried to anyway. That the more time I let pass, the less he will care and I will have lost my chance. He told me a few days after the break up (when we met face to face) that he'd have second thoughts during that week. That just made me feel like I should have pressured him instead of suffering in silence. But I didn't because I thought that wouldn't help at all. He had wanted space and I had given it to him. I obviously made a mistake, because he went through with it. And now I don't have him anymore....

 

Now I don't know what to do? What to think? Why won't he leave me alone? Why don't I want him to leave me alone?

[XxxMUAHxxX]

just write an email and vent. tell him exacty how you feel and WHY you feel that way! Then proceed to call it a day.

[aseeker]

I feel like a coward if I don't do it in person... And I don't want him to think I can't face him. Or that I'm scared. I feel that's the only way I can move on.

 

True, I might break down crying but it's not like he hasn't seen me like that before. And I just want him to realize he's hurt me and stop feeling so guiltless about it. Like I don't matter at all...

[aseeker]

The stupid part of me wants to see him. But I don't know if I'm ready to hear what he has to say... The truth. And I don't know if it's too soon or too late already

[mdavidohoh]

My ex is just like yours. He had the emotional capacity of a brown paper bag. Last night he sent me a text asking if I'm okay and that he watered the plants before he moved out (heartwarming, I know). I haven't been sleeping or eating and my days are consumed by thoughts of our failed relationship. Of course I'm not okay! I didn't tell him that, I jut said, yes and thanks.

 

I'm at home miserable and I'm pretty sure he's somewhere completely unaffected by it all. This has happened before, we broke up and I was hysterical--crying in front of him, and he was completely unfazed by it. I wish I know how to detach and compartmentalize like he does.

 

Perhaps you should try a no contact with him. If he really wants you, then I hope he tries a heck of a lot harder to get you back than just 3 ambiguous texts. Good luck.

[aseeker]

The thing is I don't think he's unemotional. When we talked, he tried to comfort me. Had his arm around me, spoke in a calmly matter, didn't try to blame me fully or anything like that and he did say I would find someone much better, etc. He said "you always make me have second thoughts and go back". Because we did break up before, if only for a day. When we had a fight the week before the breakup, I was crying and he ended up crying too. I don't know if he was faking it or not, but he said "only you would make me cry".

 

This was four weeks ago. It was time for him to leave and he basically tried to leave before the time for his bus. All of a sudden. He said "what am I doing here?" and began to pack. I started to get really nervous and asked what was wrong, what had I done. And he said, nothing nothing, but it was too hard for him to be there any longer when he knew he had to leave and not see me for another week. I was crying and asking why, why would he do that. And he started to cry too. We hugged, we calmed down and he even decided to stay an extra day because he knew I was not ok and he didn't want to leave me like that.

 

Lately he's been running away from his emotions. He did leave before we could have a serious talk about the breakup, said what he had to and then left because "it would be harder" if he stayed, for the both of us. He was also the one who said we should go NC for a month. I'm always thinking that, if I face him again he won't be able to fight what he feels and go back on his word. Deep down, that's what I want to believe, but I've been playing all the possible scenarios in my head: that he won't even see me, that he will be mean, that he will push me away, that he's already with a girl and moved on, that he'll be kind but we'll remain friends. He said so himself, we would never work. But didn't he think of that when he decided to pursue me and initiate a relationship? He knew I studied far away, etc. He should have never given me the hope he did, saying we'd be living together soon, making plans to travel, moving somewhere else... I ended up believing all of it, when I was the skeptic one, the careful one who never indulged in such thoughts.

 

It hurts really bad... I'll be finishing college soon, had a prospect of work but have to choose between the two so I chose college because I'm on a scholarship and can't pay another year (especially since I don't know if I'll land the job or not). So I have the pressure of finishing school with stellar grades but I feel like I'm wasting a really good chance. I'm a wreck down, always on the edge, don't know what to do with my life, am depressed, can't study, can't eat or sleep properly, all because I have this urge to be with him. And I'm always thinking when will be the right time to address this because the longer it goes, the more time he has to forget about me...