Broke NC... got no reply... Absolutely shattered

[pandorasbox1]

NC was hard for me and I thought I was doing well... But after 8 days, I broke NC yesterday.

 

I sent him a text on whatsapp saying "Hey, hope you're doing well"

 

I saw him come online on whatsapp.. so he read the message. He went offline right after. He didnt reply

 

I feel shattered. Im sitting here going crazy...

Im wondering why he doesnt seem very active on whatsapp... I know I shouldnt be checking

I delete his number but it doesnt help because I've memorized it.

Im wondering if he is with another girl.. Im wondering if she is keeping him busy.

I know him... and Im not sure why I even expected a reply. Im obsessing over what he's doing, who he may be with.

 

I cant focus on my own life. I have an assignment due in two days and I cant bring myself to even start. My head is consumed with thoughts of him and my heart is screaming out in pain.

 

I feel like I meant nothing to him... Like I dont exist to him anymore.

 

One part of me thinks he is taking this just as badly as I am... He seems reclusive which is odd for him. Maybe he needs a chance to heal just as much as I do...

Why is it so easy for him to just walk away and not speak to me? Why is it so hard for me...?

 

It hurts. Im utterly heartbroken. Im back to square one

 

I wanted to call him today, but I dont think I can handle more rejection from him. Im in a state of panic and I feel like I've lost him forever. I need some closure, but I know that now is probably not the time to seek it out.

I dont think phoning him will make things any better for me or increase my chances of him ever contacting me again.

 

Then I wanted to text again, but I dont know what I would say... and I know he probably just wont reply again

 

In a way I feel like he is testing me... Like he has this time frame in his mind and If I dont contact him within that time frame then he will feel like Im ready for a relationship again. I feel like all these ideas are just a way for me to delude myself into thinking he will come back... I guess I still cant handle the reality of him never coming back at all.

 

I know he expects me to go ape **** and call him and text him... Maybe thats why he didnt reply... Another way to test me. I know I need to prove him wrong.

 

I want him back in my life... But maybe I need to prove to him and more importantly, myself that I dont need him.

 

I feel so weak and stupid. Hating myself right now. I feel rejected, unwanted and worthless.

Ugh.... day 1 for me again I guess...

[pandorasbox1]

he literally replied just this minute... after I sent the message 20 hours ago...

 

He said "Im well thanks. I hope you are too".

 

I feel like he is playing games with me....

 

I replied "Im glad"

[marona]

He is not playing games, you are.

It's not that you "can't" be without him, you deliberately choose to focuse your mind on him. You have chosen to be heartbroken, yes it is that simple.

You wrote him, knowing the consequences (a simple google search could also have told you) and you did it anyway. In all honesty, it seems like you like the pain.

 

Memorizing his number is not a valid excuse. if you have no selfcontrol, you're not really mentally old enough to own a phone. Put it away for a while, get outside, either stay with friends who can put it away for you, or get your family to store it for you.

 

And if you keep stalking him on whatsapp, facebook, whatever that's just as bad as contacting him.

It's all about selfcontrol. Your fingers doesn't do this to you, it's all in your mind. Yes no matter what it will be painful, but as of right now, you are choosing to stay in pain for the next 8 monthes+, if you start using your willpower and selfcontrol, you could be over him in 3 months or less, maybe slightly more... But you'd feel betetr MUCH faster.

It's like cocaine, get it out of your life or you'll stay addicted. it doesn't matter if you just have an "image" of cocaine lying on the table, it still keeps your mind addicted to it.

So get rid of everything that reminds you of him.

[lizardking999]

^agree to what marona said.

 

Furthermore, know this...much like her analogy of cocaine, any attempt from you to make contact with him only serves as a step backwards in your healing, and just drives him further away in the sense that it will be repulsive for him to even fathom being with a sniveling, weak person. Have some self respect!!! Please. Do it for yourself!

[pandorasbox1]

You're right... I need to pull myself together...

 

I feel so stupid

[mrs H]

Raine me and you sailing in the same boat.but we gotta pull ourselfs together because i also want my ex back so bad.The way to go is NC...hopefully i will get him back though the tricky part is that my MR got a rebound but he claims to still have feelings for me.