Thank you guys for knocking some sense into me

[pandorasbox1]

After my post yesterday, and the numerous replies, I had a lot to think about. You all showed me the hard reality of the situation. Its never pleasant, especially if you, like me, have had this person on a pedestal for so long.

 

I feel oddly at peace today and I feel as though maybe im nearing the acceptance stage, though I know the healing process is FAR from over. I know I'll probably be doing the same song and dance quite a few times before I get over him.

 

I had a really bad day today, and I was tempted to call him after nearly a week NC now, but something stopped me. I realized that even if we were still together I wouldnt have called him to tell him about my bad day because in a way I would have been inconveniencing him. Thats what our relationship became, a matter of timing and convenience. We only ever spoke to eachother at a set time each day (as per his request... because he was simply too busy to be bothered with me at any other time).

 

Somehow the fact that he left me felt like a relief. I felt a weight off my shoulders today and for the first time in nearly two months since the breakup I didnt want him back. I felt like I could be okay without him, that my future will be great and that I dont need him in my life to make me happy.

 

I realized that I was more alone in the last few months that I was with him, than I am at this present moment without him. I think its a sad realization... But its a true one. I was deeply unhappy, and no matter which way I look at it, that fact wont change. He was unhappy. We made each other unhappy. In many ways, we stopped being in a relationship a long time ago.

 

Today im thankful that he ended it when he did. I cannot fathom how things would be had we stayed together. Would we have grown to resent eachother? Probably most definitely. Im glad we could have parted ways like we did, no animosity.... no fighting. It still saddens me and he is still on my mind almost every minute of the day but I dont want him to be unhappy anymore... I dont want to be unhappy anymore. I love him enough to know that I need to let him go; that maybe I wasnt the one for him afterall.

 

So what im saying is Thank you to those of you who replied and were brutally honest with me. Its not what I wanted to hear, but rather what I needed to hear. I still have a loooooong and hard road ahead of me, but thank you all for your support thus far.

 

Love,

me

[surfjon]

Raine,

SO glad to hear this! All the things you say were what I was using a couple months ago to reinforce my decision to finally bail on the relationship.

 

You now feel the power one gets when they finally accept, reflect on the compromises we made, and how unhealthy these things become, and finally look forward to our exciting futures instead of trying to change our pasts!

 

Great things await you and funny thing is you find them when you aren't even looking and in the oddest of places!

 

Way to go and keep it up! Everyone is here for you and you know at 21 what I didn't know at 41!

[Edmund Exley]

Rule #1 raine. Never put another person on a pedestal. Simply love them as much as you would like to be loved.