Dating an Introvert

[paperboy48]

For a long time....I was the introvert. I wasn't a major introvert, I guess you could say I just let my ex do most of he talking in a group setting. My ex wife was definitely the extrovert. My girlfriend is the introvert of our relationship, where I have since my divorce come out of my shell and am much more of an extrovert now.

 

It feels a bit strange to be with some one who is an introvert having been with someone for go long who was so much an extrovert.

 

Has anyone dated or had a relationship with someone who was an introvert ... Is it doable?

[quirky]

Of course it's doable, you were the introvert once you said.

 

Maybe it feels strange because it's new, if you enjoy your gf's company then you'll get used to the new dynamics in time.

 

I lean more on the extrovert scale but only by a little, about 60-40. I used to date introverts and too much of it I found very tiring. I dated someone very extrovert at some point and that was exhausting too and I felt insecure around him. For me I like someone in the middle.

[Godless_Heathen]

Of course introverts are capable of having relationships.

 

There's introversion and there's social skills. I'm an introvert. That doesn't mean I can't keep a conversation going, or that I don't start conversations. It means I don't get a charge out of socializing, that I find parties exhausting rather than invigorating. You don't have to be "in a shell" to be an introvert.

 

If your girlfriend doesn't communicate, that's something that she can improve, not an immutable part of her character. She doesn't have to change who she is to learn how to talk.

[hers]

I'm the introvert in my relationship (married 2 years to an extrovert). Sometimes it gets to both of us but for the most part we make it work fine.

 

I tend to like being in the house, especially at night, and my idea of a fun night out with people is dinner. I do like karaoke and will go to bars (don't drink though) but not too often. Really I'm a people person and can talk to anyone no problem (it's a southern thing), but if I have a choice, I prefer quiet and solitude more than anything.

 

My husband has to be around people, is very social, and a fun night for him is drinks at a bar with friends.

 

We have to compromise with each other a lot...so sometimes he will stay in with me or we will go to dinner and a movie, and other times I will go to a bar with him and his friends or to go socialize at his friend's houses.

 

A lot of times too we just let each other do our own thing. Like on weekends, I like bein home alone at night sometimes so we will do something during the days together but then part ways at night.

 

Sometimes it doesn't work...especially if he gets used to me being at home at night and he therefore makes plans without even asking if I'd like to do anything (like hell make plans with friends and say he's going somewhere, and it's like, um, well we haven't spent time with each other this weekend, can you please consider me first?").

 

I think you can make it work if you compromise with each other. She has to be willing to go he social with you (without getting her so far out of her comfort zone that she gets anxiety) and you have to be willing to be in the quiet with her sometimes.

 

Really you just have to communicate with each other and make sure both of you are comfortable with your surroundings when you're together.

[ming1]

Of course introverts are capable of having relationships.

 

There's introversion and there's social skills. I'm an introvert. That doesn't mean I can't keep a conversation going, or that I don't start conversations. It means I don't get a charge out of socializing, that I find parties exhausting rather than invigorating. You don't have to be "in a shell" to be an introvert.

 

If your girlfriend doesn't communicate, that's something that she can improve, not an immutable part of her character. She doesn't have to change who she is to learn how to talk.

 

I'm glad I read that!

 

I thought there was something wrong with me because I often find social gatherings tiring. I can feel myself becoming less self-conscious already!

[Throwaway999]

I'm introverted, but not extremely so. In most of my previous relationships I ended up with extroverts. Kind of an opposites attract thing, I suppose? Similar to what others here have said, I find social interaction more draining than invigorating. I'm not shy, and I can hang out and talk about what interests me, I just hate small talk and the kind of talking about nothing, or talking just to talk, that extroverts seem to revel in.

 

Anyway, after it not working out with some more extroverted women, my most recent relationship was with a fellow introvert. At first, it was great - finally, I wouldn't have to put on some fake show just to seem "normal" to all the loudmouths! We could sit and just watch a movie together, or read books together and be fine with just being with each other, without having to explicitly talk about everything. I just felt like we had this connection where words weren't necessary. So, it was great when things were going well. But when things started to not go well, then it wasn't so great.

 

The thing is, she was WAY more introverted than me. She was also super shy, and wouldn't even make an effort to try to meet or hang out with my friends. LIke hers says above, you have to be willing to compromise, but she wasn't really willing to meet me halfway. It was weird for me, having always catered to the extroverts, being on the other side of it. And I didn't even think I was asking for that much!

 

She also found it really hard to talk about anything. We never fought, which at the time I thought showed how great things were between us, but in retrospect - not so much. If something bothered her, she was very non-confrontational, and would just be angry with me but not tell me why. I don't exactly thrive on confrontation myself, so I couldn't force her to communicate with me. We never had any big fights, but also, nothing that she was mad about ever got resolved. When we broke up, she told me some different things that I had done that I thought were ancient history, but she had been building up resentments about them the whole time.

 

So, I don't know, I guess like quirky says, I need to find somebody in the middle, not way more introverted than me, but not extremely extroverted. Although, after my most recent relationship, I can see a positive about being with extroverts - at least with a loudmouth, you'll know where you stand!